This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead. A few weeks ago, a fellow Xanga member declined my friend
invite. I had invited her to be my friend after
writing a comment on her blog. I wasn't surprised with the decline;
it happens. What surprised me was the message she sent me explaining why she'd declined; she said she was married so she didn't want to be friends.
I
didn't respond to the message; I deleted it but wondered why she
had to mention she was married when declining a friends invite. I
expected her to say she didn't know me or wasn't comfortable with an
invite from a stranger. If I get friend invites and plan to decline, I
just do it. There's no need for a message to be attached.
Since the message, I've been wondering if this woman
is in a relationship where her husband controls everything she does. I say
this because this coincides with an AIM conversation I had with
someone's BF when I thought it was her.
I hadn't seen her
online in months so I figured I would say hi - we used to be good
friend a long time ago but hadn't talked in years. I said hi and the response was "Who are you?"
I thought,
okay, she probably forgot, so I gave her my name
and then asked if she was at the computer. The responder said it was her
boyfriend. A few seconds later I was blocked.
That
conversation made me think about that woman who sent me the Xanga
message. Maybe her husband checks everything she does; what
other reason could explain her need to write she was married on a simple
friends invite?
Anyone know other reasons why she would attach the fact she's married?
Do you accept friends invites from people you don't know?
Comments (139)
Thing is.. thats how i was/how i was treated..
people get paranoid.. either coz their possessive, or submissive, or whatever.. I can totally understand why these people are doing that.. but on the other hand.. i can understand why its pretty "ridiculous" .. im getting better.. but the whole paranoid thing will always be there.. coz its there for a reason. (dont know if that makes sense, but there it is)depending on what site im on, i decline people sometimes.. but it really really depends where im at. When i think the guy is a creep or something or if im not comfortable coz i dont know them, i would definitely decline, but i would rarely send them a message telling them.. id avoid them.. unless i wanted to accept the invitation but i 'couldnt' and didnt want them to get the wrong idea, or hate meOh yeah! My xanga is a Hush hush secret xanga! Yey! And everyone here knows me more than a lot of people in the outside world! XD And, I would not accept an invite maybe if my xanga was kind of you know, for writing about stuff that doesn't concern men! lol Sometimes I write some stuff that really some men shouldn't read and I just think about it more when I write some entries than when I only have female readers. Other than that... um no, I pretty much accept every friend invite... except revelife XD
i accept friend requests from whomever it is as long as they're 18 and over.
I accept random invites from people that join my blogring, but other than that I usually decline an invite.
I can only assume that the woman's husband is controlling and disapproves of her having male friends. It's most likely a trust issue.
wow, i hate the fact that someone's significant someone is controlling that someone's life >__>
My wife is downright argumentative with me over my "friends" who are female.... to her, once we tied the knot, my attention belongs nowhere else. She just doesn't get "Platonic friendship" in the least, no matter how many times I've tried to explain it to her.
What is absolutely annoying is that some of my (female) friends I have had for over 4-6 YEARS.... longer than I've know my wife.... and to her it matters not that we've maintained a friendship for that long... if they are female, they are the enemy. It's sad, cause my wife really could stand to learn a lot from some of them.... if she'd only stop seeing them as the competition.
that's ridiculous. almost like saying, "i don't want to be your friend because someone loves me." unless she's afraid she'll cheat....strange.
I think he's just super controlling. I had a guy friend whose girlfriend (now wife) constantly checked every IM he sent, his email etc...she even read my blog for a long time to see if I wrote anything about him. (which I never did & thank goodness for the sign in lock.)
My ex- bf used to go through my onlinestuff and ask me who am talking too, he would listen to my phone conversations and sometimes follow me around,When i had enought if him i walked away and know am free.
it is a shame - if i answer for anyone in my family cause they have asked me to answer - then i say its me and not them - this talking FOR the SO sucks especially when they dont say who it is - especially when you knew the person and their SO told them to sever all relationsions with you or took it upon themselves to delete all of your sites from their SO - seems like someone had said envy or jealousy on their part - but i like the ability to log in as someone else they do not know - and then you can talk about old times - even if you were jst friends and nothing else - all people should enjoy whatever person they want to without threat of loss by the SO
@daeshii@xanga - My thoughts exactly
Let me speak on behalf of this woman because she may be in a certain situation that I was in. She must have cheated on her partner, lost his trust, and her husband probably believes that all male friends are interested in her for sex, so he chose to monitor everything she does so she won't cheat on him again.
She must have said that she was married so you wouldn't get too close to her or try to take your friendship to the next level. I accept friends invites from people that I don't know but first I check out their opinions on blogs or whatever to at least get a sense of them.
Hmm, maybe she's really paranoid about getting close to other guys because she has a jealous husband. I accept all kinds of people but I could see how it may be a sticky situation for some. I'm lucky my boyfriend (whom I met on xanga actually, hahaha) is open with me having whatever friends I want to have. He has access to my xanga so he can see what others write and what I write in response to them. He does the same thing. I think it's about trust though and I trust my man like he trusts me. I would suffocate in a relationship where I felt like I was being watched... its a lot like my current life with my parents! hahaha
It could be a trust issue with her man but she might not trust herself with you. I want to say this to one of my guy friends, even though we each have a significant other I continue to have feelings for my friend I think not hanging out with one another would be for the best because my feelings are too strong for him. Also my bf wasnt to impressed with the first impression of the guy.