Dr. DatingishMy boyfriend and I broke up two years ago. He left me for another woman - I was left heart broken and I thought that was the end of the world.
It took me a very long time to get where I am now; I am still single, and I do admit I still think of him every day.
I still think of him in every song I listen to or romance movies that I watch.
Throughout these past two years, I've still talked to him from time to time, even while he was still with his new girlfriend. At first, I was the one who kept contacting him, hoping maybe he
would change his mind again and realize that he'd lost the best thing
in his life.
I realized it wasn't doing me any good, so I forced myself to stay away from him and tried to get my life back on track instead.
He'd write me emails or call me from time to time. Sometimes I answered, sometimes I didn't - to be honest, I was still mad at him for what he put me through.
This year, he broke up with that chick (I remember he said
he'd never loved anyone as much as he loved me, and I believe that's
true, 'cause he didn't seem to be very into her). He wanted to meet up with me after he mentioned their breakup. I refused, saying I couldn't trust him and
I was afraid that my heart would get broken again.
I got an email from him the other day; here's what he wrote:
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From: Him
Sent: Monday, August 25, 2008 8:53:19 AM
To: Me
alright, you win .
I'm not gonna bother you anymore. I only contact you for selfish
reasons anyway (because it makes me happy to talk with you, you are a
kind and funny familiar part of my life).
I didn't mean to cause you any pain or make anything harder for
you. I wish there was something I could have done for you, or that you
could have relied on me for something and i could have helped or
something.
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I don't know what to do anymore. I still miss him and I do admit I
still love him.
But what does he want from me? I really cannot go
through the whole break up thing again.
Comments (64)
No matter how much you care about somebody and even if they care about you, sometimes it's better to let go of them. 'Cause what can hurt you more is talking to him all the time. It's like candy that's being hung in front of a kid when they can't get it, there's no point in the kid staying around, so moving away might be better.
I really cared about a guy a while ago, but well, he kept hurting me and all we did was argue. In the end, he broke up with me twice because he had an on and off relationship with me. Eventually, I told him I don't want to be his friend and I actually feel a lot better without him. It's like having a really heavy weight taken off your chest.
I recommend not getting involved with him because not only did he leave you for another girl but suddenly after breaking it off with the other person he suddenly wants to get involved with you? It sounds like a rebound and I don't think he is being as genuine as he seems to want to come across. I say let him go and move on to someone who will be better for you. There are others after all. Someone who will truly appreciate you and not cheat on you.
@laurenmaureen@xanga - "It's like, I want to hurt him and then bring him to the emergency room." I love that. I know exactly what you mean!
Forget him girl. he's caused you pain once. That's more than enough for you to never let him back into your life. Sure, love is about sacrifices and all that crap, but trust me...if he's hurt you once, he's gonna hurt you again. Do you want that for yourself? NO! The world is full of humans. He's not that special! Go find someone else.
I can sort of relate to that, I'm very sorry about what you're going through. I know exactly what you mean.
But my advice ? Keep strong. Meet new people. Establish new friendships, and just move on in life-- but that's easier typed than said than done. xD
If you think you're strong enough, and want to meet up with him to at least see what he wants-- well, do whatever YOU want. Don't brood on this matter too much though, it eats you up. ><
Best of luck to ya. (:
Hmmm....okay, here is my psycho-sounding answer... it doesn't solve everything, but if you are a Christian it might help. (You can try it if you aren't Christian but it involves using Jesus' power, which might not appeal to you). When I can't get over someone, often I have created a soul tie with them. So I pray:
I sever all soul ties with (insert name) and I take back everything that belongs to me washed in the blood and I give back everything that belongs to them.
I often notice a big difference right away. Sometimes I have to keep doing it, especially if I have habits associated with the person that cause the tie to be recreated.
Anyway, I hate looking weird in public, so I would never say this unless I knew it worked and could possibly help. I love Jesus, but never try to force him on anyone. I only suggest him to others if A. they are asking about it, B. I really feel like I should and am willing to risk it or C. I see someone suffering and have been helped by him in that area and don't want to deny someone else the same opportunity through silence.
Hope this is helpful. If not, just ignore it.
Human beings have a stupid tendency to deprive themselves of happiness. Your ex fucked up and it is pretty clear he understands that. You, on the other hand, your feelings haven't gone under apoptosis. Your attraction is alive, you just locked it up in a cage. This cage is called fear. It is the stupid tendency we humans have programmed into us.
I would say, see where this goes. If you can be brave and keep control of your emotions may be something good could out of this and may be get a counselor if necessary.
what would you tell someone if they were in this situation?
answer that.
then follow it.
god, i'm being so hypocritical.
i know what it feels like
i'm in a similiar situation right now. blogging everyday about it.
it's really horrible.
but
the thing is...
the more communication, the better. resist the urge to just do what he says so that you two can be together. you really are strong. i can see that. so that should be no problem.
its the whole, follow your heart thing. i think life is worth taking risks. why not try it? pain doesn't last forever. if you're doubting things just a little, see if those doubts are true. try it out maybe, because its hard to deal with the fact that he's not there right? it's nice to have him there with you, holding you, kissing you, etc. why not try it? but just dont get your hopes up too high, that way, it wont hurt so much in the end?
idk, i'm trying this out also
i'm coming up with all kinds of methods in my head.
can't eat. can't sleep. sigh
you can never trust someone who left you for another person. there will -always- be someone better out there in the world, you just have to be optimistic and have the will to live on. sure, he will be a big milestone of your life and you probably won't forget about him, but i guess you have to leave it at that. feel good that you have lived life to its fullest, and always have a bright outlook for your future. :)
Yeah, that whole first paragraph is him copping an attitude and trying to make you feel guilty for not being at his beck and call, even if he does admit to being selfish. In fact, that admission makes it even more detestable, because he's basically saying, "I admit to my guilt, so now it's your turn." If he doesn't mean it that way, then he's a terrible writer, because I couldn't read those few sentences without it sounding in my head like it was dripping with snark.
So... he kinda sounds like a fake to me. And boy, I've had my fair share of those. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. =(
It took you a long time to get to where you are now. Don't let him mess that up for you!
He's coming back for second helpings! Well honestly, I don't know because maybe he realises that you're really the one for him after all. But then again you might be just a filler. Haha my heart goes out to you. Wait and see? Give him a chance, but don't totally let him in.
YOU are are not any guys 'pit stop' or 'make do' destination! You did the right thing staying away from him. You may love him, think of him, but he you don't need him. He's a Player. He 'Plays' women. It boosts his ego. Meet someone else more deserving and keep moving away from that part of your life. Chalk it up to experience and you'll be the better woman for the knowledge. Players are the kind of guy women kill them selves over - they are smooth. Very smooth. They are exceedingly charming and seemingly sincere, but its all practiced and some have lovin' and leavin' down to an art form....don't look back. His principals and morals are a big 'scull and cross-bones'. Poison. Cheaters poison a women's/man's self-esteem and self worth as they feed on those very things until there's nothing left. Say enough and stick to it.
@beckybabe_1@xanga - If that is truly his realization, he would have said so. Not worth it! Run don't walk in the other direction.