Wednesday, 27 August 2008

• Too True To Be Good?

  This is a guest blog submitted by spiritedsherry.
  
  In our marriage, there is no such thing as too much honesty and openness; Derek is an open book and I'm like an audio book on auto-play. There is absolutely nothing that we keep from each other.
  
  I think we can all agree that communication is key to a strong relationship. But there are some things we share that are honest, but potentially hurtful to the other person, damaging to the way the other person sees us or downright embarrassing or socially taboo.
  
  Here are some examples of unreserved candor that either we or our friends have shared with a significant other:
  
  
  

  • She thinks he's ugly and has a prematurely receding hairline/huge nose/buggy eyes
  • He watches the nastiest porn. Think 2 Girls 1 Cup is gross? He's into even nastier stuff
    
  • She has a crush on her new co-worker
  • He realizes he might be bi-curious
  • They know every detail about each other's sexual history with the exes
  • She considers his religious faith as proof that he's brainwashed
  • He thinks she's flat-chested/getting fat/got the ugliest haircut ever, etc.
    
  • She's into really kinky stuff.
    
  • He thinks she's not that bright
  • She suspects he may have halitosis
  • They use the toilet in front of each other, including #2
  • She has violent and disturbing thought crimes
  • He checks out hot women and points out why they're hot
  • She thinks some of his techniques in bed could use improvement
  • He thinks she used to be a big slut
  • They know each other's darkest and dirtiest secrets
    

  Believe it or not, these couples are very happy together and have healthy relationships in spite of (or perhaps thanks to) the brutal honesty they exchange with each other. Of the five couples I took these examples from, two are happily married (including us), one is currently engaged and another two have been together for 4+ years.
  
  I am always saddened when I hear about a case like Max Mosley's sadomasochistic orgy. Not because I'm saddened by his eyebrow-raising sex life. What consenting adults do behind closed doors is their own private business. What I'm saddened by is actually his secrecy. He had been doing S&M for 45 years but kept it a secret from his wife of 48 years. The first she'd heard of it was when the scandal broke out in the media. It makes me sad that he felt he couldn't share such a major part of his sexuality with his life partner. And it makes me sad that she was kept in the dark and that there was a side of him she didn't know about.
  
  I know that every couple's dynamics are different and that such unreserved honesty and openness are not for everyone. In fact, some people are as pure as angels and probably don't even harbor such offensive thoughts in the first place. But for me, personally, censorship and secrecy in my marriage would be the greatest offense of all.
  
  Is there such thing as TOO much honesty and openness in your relationship?
  
  If you were Max Mosley and S&M was a major part of your sexuality, would you be honest about it with your wife? Or if you were his wife, would you want to know?
  

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