This is a guest blog submitted by bigaslives.Being the Token Single Girl within my group of friends, it's no
surprise that I'm the go-to girl when it comes to relationship advice.
I don't mind it. It makes me feel useful and it keeps me connected to
my friends that are usually busy with their significant others most of
the time. It also sorta keeps me entertained whenever I end up third
wheeling it, too.
Sure, I may be the pathetic third party at the dinner
table, but at least I know that she secretly can't stand how you leave
dirty dishes on the table or how you were so immature over her going
out last night. I bet she told you she had bad reception and didn't get
your text, huh? I know she purposely ignored it. Yeah, that's right.
Who's in the dark now?
Anyway, my friend was telling me about her recent transition out of
one relationship and into a new one. She described it as "different"
and being the wise person that I am, I explained that different is a good
thing because exes are exes for a reason; if you kept dating the
same kind of people and stayed in the same kind of relationships, well,
you're just plain stupid. When something doesn't work, you gotta think
outside the box to something different. She agreed and responded, "I
guess as we grow up, our relationships grow up, too."
That got me thinking: I'm in my 20s and stuck in between the stages
of relationship development - caught smack in between College Boyfriend
and Mature Boyfriend and I'm confused as hell.
College Boyfriend possessed some great skills needed for social and
academic success in secondary education. He:
- had great visual depth perception (beer
pong champion)
- was low maintenance (Ramen, tuna and fried rice
everyday)
- knew how to relax (TV all day, every day)
- had
priorities (bros before hos?... and before class, homework, work, but
definitely not before alcohol)
- had great interpersonal skills
(master flirter and always made friends with the smartest kid in the
class).
Sure, he didn't possess any of the qualities you dreamed your
ideal significant other would have (ambition and drive, intelligence,
attentiveness; anything good, really), but at the time, that was okay.
He doted on the small things and you accepted it in exchange for the
things he lacked. He would willingly pick you up on the way to campus;
he didn't care that you couldn't cook even the fried rice that would've
kept him satisfied; he made things fun and he loved just being with
you. Things were more intense with him. When you were in love, you were
so in love you could physically feel it. On the flip
side, if things were bad, you could also physically feel your heart
breaking. College Boyfriend was the great guy without the potential of
being something lifelong.
Mature Boyfriend is the guy you date after you grow up and realize
that you can't just date people you like anymore - you have to be more
practical than that. You need to start dating people you're compatible
with on multiple levels: intelligence, wealth, backgrounds, families,
interests, goals.
He is your boyfriend when you find out that it takes
more than love to sustain a relationship in the real world. He has
goals and ambitions; he is family oriented and financially stable (or
getting there); he is moderate, simple and steady. You see him a few
times a week and you do cute things like visit museums, go to sports
games or shop for furniture together. He gives you the space you want
and understands when you talk about things important to you.
The highs
aren't as high but the lows aren't as low either. Sure, he may not be
as adventurous or as much of a "bad boy" as College Boyfriend, but he
is there and in almost every other aspect, he fulfills the qualities
you want in a significant other with potential for the long term. There's
not much more you can ask for... right?
This is my failing point: my naive belief that there should be some
kind of middle ground between College Boyfriend and Mature Boyfriend...like an Early 20s Boyfriend. He's a guy with the best of both worlds: he's
got some drive and intelligence; plus, you're crazy about each other. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't I have my cake and
eat the damn thing too?
Perhaps this explains why I fail at all things having to do with men, dating and relationships.
What stage of boyfriend or girlfriend would you want to have right now ? College...Mature...maybe an age range...or a combination?
Comments (45)
I'm a little older and for me, I don't really care as long as she's cool, smart, has a sense of humor and wants to have fun. It doesn't have to be the same thing all the time. Does it help to have similar interests? Of course. Any relationship should be based on enjoying things and there also needs to be enough trust. you can't always see each other.
My ex was the 'college boyfriend' variety (according to your definition) - never again thank you very much!!!!
See, you have to catch College Boyfriend right when he's exiting that stage and turning into Mature Boyfriend; he's something like Changing For the Better Boyfriend.
I have Changing For the Better Boyfriend, and I think you hate me now.
I'm sowwy... =_=
But now you know they exist! Maybe rare, but they do exist! They probably tend to run nerdier than most, though. I know mine does lol.
I couldn't have said it better. I'm facing the same dilemma too, and I don't know if a college/mature guy does exist. I've been called very picky, but I'm simply torn between "settling" and holding out for the best of the those two worlds. Where do I draw the line?
Wow, that's so weird!! I totally AM dating "Mature Boyfriend" right now, after having gone through "College Boyfriend", lol. Thing is though, Mature Boyfriend is kinda career-driven and has little time for girlfriend, despite his amazing qualities. And he's SO dependable that it gets well... boring.
Maybe the problem is, I'm still "College Girlfriend", hahaha. I definitely hope there's some sort of in betweener boyfriend phenomenon!
Great post!
wow...you really wrote this as if you inhabited my mind! I am defiitely at that stage where I moved on to mature boyfriend and you just nailed it all for me.
in the end, the college boyfriend is named "college" boyfriend. Hopefully you've graduated and moved on in life, and so then that means naturally, in boyfriend type too.
A mature boyfriend sounds good because he has stability and knows what he wants in life and has probably gotten it, but I'm still that college, still growing up, still finding myself, and still immature. I rather take the in between, best of both worlds. Can't have your cake and eat it too, but can get really damn close to it.
i'd have to agree with HEART OF PANDORA...
i think my boyfriend is in the beginning stages of Changing for the Better Boyfriend, which works since we're both starting senior year of college. i'm kind of glad i missed the complete College Boyfriend phase, maybe thats why we never go to know each other until this june. i dont think i couldve put up with his College Boyfriend phase in all of its frat boy glory...
and this is way more fun than Mature Boyfriend.
basically is the perfect Senior Year College Boyfriend :)
You can have your cake and eat it. I am much older than most on here but most of my younger friends can't keep up. I can live on a weekend with less than 6 hours of sleep. I have drive, financial stability and goals. However, I also like to enjoy life, a bit of an extremsist. I race BMX, motorcross, Surf, Skim board, build big off road trucks and drive sports cars and riding Sport bikes. So you can have your cake and eat it, you just have to find that guy. Be patient and the right guy will come along. While waiting for Mr right, enjoy Mr Right Now.
I would like have a combination of both for a girlfriend. Because I'm a combination of both. I'm in my early 20s and still being in college probably kept me to being a College guy. But my friends always tell me how mature I am when being around, how I am the wise one, which also makes me the Mature guy.
Wow, as everyone else has commented, I'm amazed at how this sums it all up. My last ex, was college ex, even though i assumed he'd be different because he was college grad ex, but I think he was doing that just to extend time in school, so he's college ex...
I prefer mature bf, and as others have said, it probably is best to catch a transitional boy, which I feel my current very much is. He has all the dependency and great qualities of a mature boy, but being the same age and at around the same place as me, he still enjoys drinking with friends and etc. And there's definitely an appeal of knowing that my mature boy was once a college boy, so even though he's for the better now, it's spicy enough that he has those qualities in there, but he's grown up.
For feeling content with either, I think the key to being happy or having your cake all depends on where you are in life and what you want... so your view dictates what you'll be happy with. After all the bs with college exes, I realized I'm happy with mature boys (and that's kinda the key, at heart even mature guys are still kinda boys), and I wouldn't go back... plus, college ex type boys are a dime a dozen.
My college boyfriend became my husband, while we're both still going to school. Maybe because he's older than the average college guy, he was all the good things about the more mature boyfriend- stable, working toward something, family oriented. But we are crazy about each other. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
Of course, it might have just been my school- everyone was family oriented, and there was no drunken partying.
I started dating my boyfriend while we were in college but it was late enough where we were both looking forward to the future and what we wanted. I guess that would have put him in the leaving college/entering mature phase. He can be both. Sometimes he still acts like the college guy and its fun but he can be the serious mature guy when he needs to be.
So I think there is a phase in between college and mature, it just doen't last as long as either of those two phases.
i loved reading this! it makes total sense of my dating life. ex was the "college boyfriend". i'm just glad that's over.
i have that early 20s boyfriend even though he's hitting that mid-20s this year.
but since he's my in between, does that mean we're going to break up and i'll find the final "mature boyfriend"? wow, i sure hope not.
lol not all college boyfriends gotta be like the one you described.
You're still young!!! And yes, you can have your cake and eat it too :o) I believe that there is a middle ground between College BF and Mature BF. You have plenty of time to find that one guy that falls in between the two BFs. Although I have not found MINE yet... I'm sure he's out there because I am surrounded by guy friends that posess both qualities of a college bf & mature bf. Good Luck!
Although I'm not ready to settle down by any means (im almost 23) I'd like to either have a mature boyfriend or a happy medium that is rare. I suck at relationships too. I actually just wrote a post today about things I look for in a SO.
I have met the guy who meets the middle ground between the college adventurous moron / funny guy and the ambitious and enterprising one..
Hehe! Great post.
~dalas;ldkja tapioca miLk~
@cuzimlexxi@xanga - no, because he'll mature and end up being the Mature Boyfriend. he's in that transitional phase. no need to worry :)
I have yet to have that "mature boyfriend" although I am looking for him. I would say that I had that middle one though. That early 20s boyfriend. He was far more mature and such than college boyfriend and he did love me with the highs not as high, etc, but he had a few college boyfriend traits as well. He was a good guy to spend time with for a few years until we had both matured to that "mature" significant other phase.
So now I am ready. Mature man, where are you?
I'm college right now and honestly, I can't handle the "college" type. I think I'm pretty mature for my age so I look for guys who are also mature. I like to think that my boyfriend right now falls into the "mature" boyfriend category but he's got a little bit of college in him too.
I actually dont know here mines meet.. hes young n still in college so hes not the "mature boyfriend".. But I can c him headin towards there sooon {hopefully :D} once its time!!
He'll get there.. cuz hes a bit drivin n a bit and he definitely someone I can see me wit in the long RUN But hes not so open n still doesnt like to b on the fone... somewat mature n somewat immature!!
Don't mean to brag, but I have the best of two worlds according to your definitions between the two stages of boyfriends. Mine is in his early 20's, very understanding, knows when to have fun and when to study, graduating next year and has a goal in mind for what he wants to do after graduating -- besides working, he plans on getting a master's degree. It's rare to find someone like that, I guess that you have to be very lucky for 1 in a million to find one.
I need the mature boyfriend, please. I'm sick of college boyfriends.