This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.I was excited after winning a great basketball game with my teammates
and was talking about it on the way home with my siblings.
Then she
caught my eye. We were in the same train car and she was chatting it up
with her friend.
She looked familiar - in fact, she looked exactly like the sister
of one of my friends from college. At first I wasn't sure if I should
approach her or not, but I figured it probably was her - she was taking the
same train my friend takes to get home, so that gave me even more reason to believe it was her.
So I went up to her and said "Excuse ma'am, I don't mean to bother you but I was wondering if I
could ask you a question." She completely ignored me, and her friend looked at me, somewhat confused. I could have been blunt and blurted
out my question but I figured I would be nice and try again, but this
time she looked at me and said, "Can't you see I'm ignoring you, I don't
feel like talking to you!"
I didn't know what else to say, so I
just yelled "wowww" and sat back down - I just wanted to know was if
she was my friend's sister. Sarcastically, I told her to have a nice
day as I transferred trains.
The rest of the ride
home, I couldn't help but think about this girl's reaction. She
probably thought I was trying to hit on her. I don't think a train
station or train is an appropriate place to hit on someone. There's
always a place and time for that. And I would
never do such a thing
with my siblings around.
Plus, I had just finished playing a basketball
game and I was tired, so I wouldn’t normally bother trying to talk to
people on the train. I usually just put my headphones on and go about
my business.
It was startling to me that she would have
this reaction. I grew up in NYC and not once did I see someone react
like that when a guy was asking a question. Girls who get hit on
constantly don't even react like that. They usually just say, "no, I’m not
interested" or ignore them after hearing what the guy has to say. I'm
still baffled by this.
Was I wrong to approach her in the train?
What are some other inappropriate places to hit on someone?
Was there something else I could have said to make it seem like I wasn't hitting on her?
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Comments (50)
I dont think you were wrong to approach her. Other places i dont like when guys hit on me is at work. Usually when im working Im there to do my job, get done and go home so Im not in the mood for a guy to come up to me and use lameass pick up lines. As for something else you could have said, maybe just flat out asking the question would have worked in this situation. I understand you were trying to be nice, and you did a good job witht that but sometimes just asking is easier
what a *****
She was in way over her head is all. Could be the kind of girl who expects to be hit on wherever she goes.
What you did wasn't wrong. You approached her in a polite manner. She just blew it out of proportion. If I were you I would have just asked her first off
The elevator is a total no-no when it comes to hitting on someone.
I don't think you were the problem. I wish all guys would approach females in the manner that you approached that girl. She either is really full of herself and stuck up or you just received the brunt of something else that happened previously, with a weird guy or something. Next time just ask the question and that should normally soften the field. But since you seem to be a polite person this may be a good way for you.... Ex. "Excuse ma'am, I don't mean to bother you but you look familar and I was wondering if you were __s sister?"...
@angelicgrl4eva05@xanga - just ignore it. my mistake
@SleepyHead - j/k..it's not you. I was just about to delete it when you responded. What is datingish? Should i accept the invitation?
wow, what a reaction!
you should ask your friend if his/her sister was on the train, then tell the story. hopefully it is the sister, and they can pass the story on!
I don't believe you were wrong in what you did. Maybe she was having a bad day or trying to show off for her friend. In either case, she was the one that was wrong and rude. Talk to the brother, maybe it was her and the brother can rag her about it and she can see it from the other side.
Her reactions seems childish. Perhaps she needs to grow up and learn the manner of saying, "I'm not interested." I thought that was really rude of her.
You're not at fault here because you asked her politely if you can ask her a question before even asking her the question -- if that made any sense.
Honestly, there is no such place where you shouldn't get hit on -- it just depends on a person's preference on where they don't think it's an appropriate place to get hit on. What really matters is when you approach people or how you see it when a person approaches you. Some people get hit on with the person being rude or nice -- it just all depends on people.
Wow, that was rude of her. It wasn't like you came at her all "Yo, can a holla at you?" I guess now you know for next time, eh? Honestly, if a guy approached me in a train car the way you did, I would have assumed they wanted to know what train to take to a certain place or something.
In a perfect world, when she first heard you ask and decided she didn't want to talk to you, she would've said, politely, that she wasn't interested. However, given that we don't live in said perfect world, her first inclination to ignore you was a clear sign that she didn't want to engage you. And while her reaction to your subsequent attempt to do so was immature and rude, she did give you a clear signal.
Honestly, I don't like being approached by strange men on public transportation. I admit I'm paranoid--small space, little option to maneuver or escape--but I also know from past experience that sometimes even being polite makes some men think they have an opening, and then they don't just leave. Hell, they follow you once you get off your stop. So I ignore them, bc I don't want to give off any inclination that I actually want to talk to them.
But all that aside--yes, she was a bitch--why did you get upset about it? Was this girl, this apparent stranger with possible connections to someone you knew, important enough to get all bent out of shape? Does the fact that you weren't hitting on her, bc you find it to be inappropriate for the locale du jour, preclude her experience with men who have no such qualms? Just asking.
she sounds waaaay too full of herself.
oy, people are crazy creatures, though! i bet she went home and blogged about it too: "Omg, this totally cute guy approached me on the train, but I was sooooo nervous, lolzz!! I think I might have been rude to him. Whoops."
she probably thought your siblings dared you to hit on her or something. i wouldn't worry about it too much, i bet she'd be pretty embarrassed by her own reaction if she knew what your question was.
Wow, I think you must have walked into a pretty crappy day of hers, but that still doesn't excuse her behavior.
@I8it@xanga - LMAO!!
just forget her. Good thing you didn't waste much more time with her. Fortunately, not all women are like that.
Dude... she has a stick up her a$$... and not the good kind. JK
Honestly, she could have at least responded instead of just staring and/or ignoring you.
Woah! That was a little extreme... i'm pretty sure she thought u were hitting on her.. but i don't see the need for such a demeaning remark.
I would have said "Excuse me are u XXX's sister?" Straight to the point & she would know for sure.. "ok he's nt another one of those guys.."
Inappropriate places to hit on someone? Er... yea.. probably a funeral?
Women are somewhat "trained" to ignore guys approaching them in public places. This girl seemed pretty bitchy though.
she's just full of it. yuck!
She was just plain rude. You have done nothing wrong and just wanted to know if she was someone you knew. Remember the movie "Waiting" and that one business woman, also known as the "biatch"? This reminded me of that. Hahah.
Wow, yeah, there are some women who are just complete jerks. I'm a bit ashamed for them. I don't think you did anything wrong by the way. If you had asked me that question, I would have just said yeah or ok and found some other way to reject you since you are a stranger. Although the way you asked it was a bit worrisome because you asked her if you could ask her a question which sounds like the prelude to a lewd remark sometimes. She doesn't know what to expect. I would recommend next time just saying excuse me to get her attention and once you get eye contact or some acknowledgement, just ask the question. Also, asking if you can ask a question can be read as a "kick me" sign to people who are jerks to begin with.
I think SHE was rude.
"ma'am" may have been a poor choice of words, sometimes it can infer "old" but it should not have brought out her reaction. She needs to chill out and think of other peoples feelings.