This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead. The 11-year anniversary of AIM took place this past May without much fanfare. For many, AIM became the standard form of communication, which eventually made some "too shy" to approach a girl or guy. I call this the "AIM Syndrome", and my best friend is still afflicted with it.
The syndrome is tough to grasp when it's taking its victims. At first you don't see or feel the effects of it, but slowly it penetrates the mind of its victims forcing them to choose their communication methods. Every LOL and smiley further engulfs the victims into believing that AIM is superior than having a face-to-face conversation with the girl at the end of the screen.
Freshman year of high school, both my best friend and I got computers and we were excited to use them. AIM was the hottest thing about having a computer - sometimes I felt like the computer wouldn't have a purpose except for chatting. It was already making us believe that we couldn't survive without it. Slowly it became our main form of communication.
But the syndrome took him. He was shy, weak and enjoyed what AIM had to offer - it became his only form of communication. He didn't like talking on the phone and spend hours upon hours chatting online instead. When girls were interested in him, he would always ask for their screen names, never their numbers.
Online he was open about everything, asking and answering questions, but when he'd meet girls in person, he became the quiet shy kid again. I couldn't figure out what his problem was, so I asked him.
He told me he was comfortable online because he didn't have to show his emotions to any girls; AIM did it for him with the LOLs and smileys. He could respond to questions on his own time because there was no rush to have a conversation, no embarrassment if he took his time.
I told him it was taking control of him. It wasn't allowing him to have contact with girls outside of the internet and was limiting his exposure. He wouldn't listen. The syndrome only became stronger when T-Mobile released the Sidekick, providing 24/7 access to chatting. The syndrome had almost completed its mission. But life came around and forced him to go to college and get a job. AIM took a backseat for the moment.
It was extremely difficult to figure him out because he was never like this in junior high. He was outgoing, always outside playing hoops with us and even had a girlfriend. He'd changed.
Things have been much better since he's graduated and started working full time. Sometimes he still has a hard time talking to women when they approach him, but he's getting better at the face-to-face conversations. It's just going to take some time before he gets really good at it. In the meantime, AIM continues to lurk on his new Treo waiting to complete its mission.
What can he do to become comfortable around women in the real world?
Do you think the AIM syndrome exists? Are you or someone you know a victim of it?
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Comments (39)
think I'm a victim. I've always thought
that I felt awkward whenever someone interested approached me, but I'm
never attributed it to AIM/online conversations. This is eye-opening!
who in their right mind asks someone out over aim?
how can you take that seriously?
without...making eye contact or hearing their voice. people who expect to build relationships online is are only looking for the easier way out...it's simpler for people to lie, for people to get rejected, fake emotions that they don't really have via the internet. sure online chatter for keeping in touch, blogging, doing business, and communication when convenient is okay, but even so, things are much more clearer in person, or over the phone. Asking someone out? oh please...grow some and ask in person.
Do what makes him comfortable: if he prefers one on one do that, if he prefers small groups do that instead. Relax, don't take yourself too seriously, and just keep talking to them girls.
I, too, am a victim of AIM Syndrome.... =_=
Sadly, though, it gets worse....
Computer Syndrome.
I am a victim.
I've been using it for nine or ten years now. My father was a computer administrator at a school, and I always got into technology as soon as he'd show it to me.
I used it to talk to my grandmother, and after that.. it was all over.
I am now a very awkward and socially anxious person in person. I'm trying to fix it though. I no longer enjoy getting out and doing things with people, no matter how little I have to do on the internet.
It's increasingly difficult.
I think people in general are more comfortable doing things online, including chatting, just because they don't have to deal with face-to-face encounters. That's why you also see a lot of jerks out there who talk like they're all tough, but they're a pansy in person. Also, if you talk to someone you like over AIM, at least you have time to think and compose yourself before you hit that enter button. If you "screw up" on the internet, you can get over it relatively quickly, especially when you don't see the weird awkward reactions that you may see in person.
I and most of my friends suffer from AIM syndrome...stupid high school. lol
I am a victim for sure. I rather start out on AIM and move on later from AIM if things seem worth it. It does make me more bold and give me the confidence to ask someone out on a date but in the end its not the real deal and I rather hear their voice or watch their facial expressions.
AIM is for emo kids. *rolls eyes* Them and the kids who ask each other out and dump one another via text messaging.
I'm not sure. I have thought it was easier to talk to the opposite sex online, but if I got to know them very well online, I would trust them to talk to me offline (on the phone, etc.)
it's all about gchat!!
but yes... having a computer as a shield definitely bolsters cyper confidence. even xanga, i wouldn't talk about 1/2 the stuff i write about with my friends. haha, just the way it is i suppose...
AIM is my main form of communication with a lot of my friends during summer, because we're runners and waiting to START a long conversation until after 9pm just doesn't work 'cause we're falling asleep by the time we really start to enjoy the conversation. But I don't think I'm a victim of AIM syndrome because I enjoy face to face conversations, and I don't use AIM to avoid them, either.
I like blogging because I can share my thoughts with many people at once; however, I don't like instant messengers of any kind. I have a Yahoo!, but I prefer not to use it. That's because I prefer to talk to people face to face although I'm shy. For me, a computer is a great way of communication, but it certainly isn't my only way of speaking my mind.
~ Peace and LoveWow, this is ironic, because I'm kinda in the same situation, too.
I mean, I'm on AIM as I comment here. Ahaha. but my situation's more like with ONE guy, rather than the whoole population. Maybe I might put it as a blog on here or something. I don't feel like elaborating in such a small space. D:
But I think that I'm a victim of the AIM Syndrome. XO It's horrible, like I'm not as "me" as I am. XP It's complicated. I ask for screenames, too. Even if I ask for numbers, I ask for screenames, too. Ahahaha.
Although, I'm just a shy person, but I can talk face-to-face. XDDD
i don't think AIM ever had that affect on me... sure it was easier to talk to people sometimes using the program, but i always preferred to see how others react to what i say and my nonverbal expressions... it's a lot more personal to me than some computer program... although i still use a similar program (adium) for mac... it helps since sometimes you don't get to see people whenever you'd like. and i hate talking on the phone. :P
Ahahah, this is so funny. I was just thinking about something similar to this. My "guy" and I rarely talk to each other on the phone but we will have AIM conversations or text each other. And when we do see each other in person, it's not as flowing. It's weird. But we do have a connection.... :shrugs:
I enjoy chatting on AIM a lot more than on the phone, but nothing replaces human interaction for me.
definitely exists. im slowly weaning myself off it.
i think awkward moments arent as awkward online as they are in real life so you arent embarrassed to be more open.
but i dont use it as a replacement for people-to-people conversation which i love. i do use it as a replacement for phone conversations though because i'm not much a talker on the phone.
I don't think it's necessarily all AIM's fault. His shy tendency could be in-built, in his personality. I'm shy like that, too. It takes a lot more effort to become comfortable talking with someone in RL than online. Some folks are just wired that way.
AIM can be a life saver, and it can also suck as much as so.
For people who live far apart but want to stay in communication fairly often, its incredible. Things didn't used to be so easy. You had to write snail mail or make phone calls. Not that theres anything wrong with the phone, but long distance charges aren't popular with people. And even email takes time and effort to work on, knowing what to say to keep a conversation truly going on email is a huge struggle. Good for maybe a one or two reply kind of thing, but after that it just dies. For long distance couples, families and friends it allows instant conversation, just like real life, excluding phone charges and everything. You can even get cameras and microphones. Then its the real thing...just...not.
However it isn't good for people to only rely on AIM as their communication. I've found that once you meet a person, it helps build a strong foundation for relationships. You get to know the other person a little better without having to think up conversation starters in seconds flat. Many of my friends I started out knowing as acquaintences, then chatted online. More and more we'd end up doing stuff together, but we already had a history of non-awkward chat, so we knew how to act. Of course, thats not everyone's choice. If you act like best friends online and then in real life can't even walk up to them, something's wrong. And it should be changed.
Yes, you can be a shy person. And AIM can help with friendships and relationships. But people have to draw the line somewhere.
I like interacting in all forms, but when I was in high school, I used to be extremely shy and would communicate primarily through AIM ^^.
College changed all that :D
~da;jk tapioca miLk~
As a recovered victim of AIM syndrome, I can only say that you just have to realize that, while you may think it's real conversation, AIM is just about as social and productive as masturbation. Every time you feel like using AIM, I recommend just LITERALLY masturbating instead and then moving on to something else. Substitution process. Works like a charm.
im not a victim really.
I never ever liked talking on the phone.
I didnt like talking to people in person and i was quiet and observant until i had you figured out. Then i spoke a bit more freely.
AIM made it easier for me to be like that though.
i am a semi-AIM victim... i love AIM.. and i do notice some things that require more emotion, i would rather do it on AIM then in person, or even a text.. just cuz it's easier....
AIM never had that affect on me, or on my friends either. My friends and I saw AIM as a convenience because it freed up the phone line, and decreased the telephone bills. Nowadays, we don't go on AIM anymore because as adults, we can see each other whenever we want at our convenience, and not at our parents' convenience.
I can only hope most people see AIM as a convenience, but your friend was or maybe is an AIM addict. AIM is an addiction, and to those who are weak when it comes to addictions, have a hard time quitting.
People need to realize that some things were created for convenience. Your friend is a great example of what happens when you rely on AIM for communication purposes. I'm glad he is slowly breaking out of using AIM as his only way of communicating.