Sunday, 24 August 2008
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Guest Blog: Disney Chicks
This is a guest blog submitted by pseudohim.
unlike kids today that have grown up with the technology that has brought us monsters, inc., toy story, nemo, wall-e, shrek, and other pixar/dreamworks magic, i grew up watching disney's 2D-animated musicals. and they were FANTASTIC! they should really bring them back. when i was a kid, my mom bought every disney movie as soon as it was released on VHS. so come saturdays, my sister and i would pop in the tape(s) and crowd in front of the tv to drown ourselves in a world of musically talented princes, princesses and talking animals. my favorite of them all was beauty and the beast, largely because i was completely smitten with belle.belle was my very first crush ever. and i loved her as much as a seconder grader possibly could. in my young mind, she was the epitome of perfection, and even my pre-prepubescent heart knew that a girl like her was something special. in fact, belle's impression on me was so profound, it made me see girls in a totally new light. they were no longer the "enemy," and any notion that girls had cooties was completely tossed. that year i even spent extra time customizing the valentine's grams we would hand out in school on valentine's day. but shortly thereafter was a supreme disappointment as i discovered that my classmates were in fact nothing like belle at all.
the funny thing is... nearly a decade and a half later, i realize that my first crush (albeit she's a cartoon) is still the type of girl i crush on today. belle embodies quite a few of the things that i value.
1. i find intelligence damn sexy, and belle is quite the nerd. growing up i was just as big a bookworm as she. i frequented the library and was ecstatic to receive paperbacks for birthdays and christmas. i often daydream about serendipitously meeting a really cute girl at borders or barnes & noble, grabbing for the same book (of which there is only one copy left), breaking out in laughter and talking about other all-time favorites and making promises to meet again for a reading date. in fact, my idea of a perfect saturday afternoon date would consist of nestling together in a couch, sharing an ipod, while reading a new fiction and sipping coffee. (omg girls where are you going? come back! i like going to the beach too! and other normal things!)
2. while i can't say it's always been the case, i now consider myself very much a family guy, so i would need a family-oriented girl. and belle was most definitely a family girl. look how she doesn't hesitate to sacrifice herself for her father! so it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine her being a devoted girlfriend/wife and a wonderful mother as well. speaking of which, i love girls that are good with kids. the ones that aren't afraid to get their clothes dirty or hold the chocolate smeared hand of the mischievous preschooler, and the ones that knows how to make a kid laugh. i think it's because i've grown up with such an awesome sister, i find girls that look after their siblings and have awesome relationships with their parents incredibly attractive.
3. i'm a sucker for the musically gifted. i especially have a terrible weakness for girls who can play piano while singing. take alicia keys or sara bareilles. droool... (wipe) i would make her sing for me everyday.
4. i appreciate the fact that belle doesn't fall for THAT guy. you know, the self-proclaimed badass that make girls miserable but still seem to get plenty of them. i know a bunch of douchebags like gaston, and a number of girls who have come to me for support, crying about how terribly they've been treated. yet, they go back for more. but not belle. she wouldn't believe in jackasses, but she would believe in "nice guys" like me. (yay!)
5. belle is pretty, yet not superficial. it's a rare combination to find today. and as i have admitted on a number of occasions, i'm quite superficial myself. (so i guess that also makes me a hypocrite, and not so much of a nice guy. dammit.) but... while i don't consider myself unattractive, i realize i'm no brad pitt or mr. clooney. so belle's falling for the beast gives me incredible hope that i too can one day find an beautiful all-around perfect lady. (WHERE ARE YOU? SOMEONE TOLD ME THE COLOGNE I'M SAVING FOR YOU HAS AN EXPIRATION!! SO COME QUICKLY!)
6. i would be remiss if i did not talk about the gold dress. as i've mentioned before, i have a thing for girls that "clean up well." so when she entered the ballroom in that fantastically gorgeous gold dress. W-O-W. i think that's why i also squealed (yes, literally) when kate hudson showed up in that gold wonder in how to lose a guy in 10 days. tee hee.
with all of that said, tragically i seem to know many more girls that have a semblance of the other disney princesses. let us examine them.
there is ariel, the redheaded problem child. sure she might have the hottest body, but unrealistically so. we all know that swimmers have fairly broad shoulders. (haha!) and she was always in that clam shell bikini which means the water was way too hot or she just wants to show of her bod. that skank, at least wear a seaweed wrap or something. worst of all, she blatantly disobeys her dad and brings dishonor to her mermaid kind for that stupid prince. i mean, WHO does that. WHO signs their life away especially to a freaking creepy-looking octopus lady? only stupid people. that's who.
there are a lot of good looking girls that have fair/pale complexion. in snow white's case i think 'white' is an understatement. homegirl is straight up translucent and looks rather sickly. she should really take some multivitamins and eat some non-poisoned fruits. and let's not forget about her 7 little boytoys. i do NOT trust that woman not to have fooled around. (oh my dirty mind.) 'nuff said.
next is jasmine. hmmm... actually, jasmine is pretty cool. she gets major points for having a pet tiger and kudos for letting a pauper "show her the world." but since i have to diss her somehow, i'm gonna say that she is oddly proportioned. i'm convinced she has had some surgical procedures done to enhance her figure.
i was not too much a fan of cinderella. i suppose the fact that she was really good with animals is nice. but mice and birds? jasmine had a freaking tiger. so cindy, sorry but you lose babe.
onward to aurora, the sleeping beauty. it's one thing to play coy. it's another thing to make you fight a dragon and chop your way through thorns just for a kiss. that's playing a bit TOO hard to get. bitch it ain't worth it.
other notable female mentions go to esmeralda who totally played quasimoto, my asian warrior sista mulan who confused herself as a boy, and pocahontas who might be the reason why yellow fever exists. sorry ladies, you don't make the cut either.
SO.... if by any chance you are a belle. (clears throat) why helllooooo there ;)
Have you ever had a a crush on a cartoon character? Which Disney princess is your favorite?
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Comments (290)
Haha! AWESOME post. But I'm biased, coz I love Belle as much as you
She's all things good. I've always thought she's better than the other Disney Princesses!
Great post. :)
Hahahaha. You're so funny!! :)
nice day :)
Aladdin. But I'm in love with a man similar to Beast.
=]
Cute post! I'm none of them. I'm more like Sadako!
No! Jasmine is not oddly proportioned! She's perfect, and crazy sultry.
My crush is Jasmine, duh, and Ariel too. I like Ariel because she can go all out for something that she wants, something that I find hard to do.
Other crushes include 'Storm' Aurora, 'Rogue' Marie, and 'Shadowcat' Kitty. Yup, they are all from X-Men.
HAHAHAHA omg this was such a funny/cute entry.
Beauty & the beast is my FAAAAAVORITE disney movie too!
I relate to Belle the most, but I spent about two years of my life convinced I was Pocahontas. I was six, though.
I really enjoyed reading this. Yes, I agree.. Belle was my fave princess, too!
this is hilarious, but mulan is soo much cooler. belle would never go that far to save her father.
the nerd thing is the only thing i rly identify with belle with rly. mulan is soo much more me. =]
This post is so witty and amusing and well-written and is basically the epitome of cute?! I could barely believe a guy wrote it because seriously, it's just so cute. Hahaha.
haha! Loved reading this, but I totally agree with some points of this. However, I guess youv'e only been exposed to the Disney's cute-censored-versions of these fairy tales. In the REAL verison of The Little Mermaid, she actually naked, so Disney was using censorship to cover up her boobies. Also, in Sleeping Beauty, the Prince doesn't ONLY kiss her, but he RAPES her. ;D
Just thought I'd let you in on those small details.
My Disney crush would have to be the Genie because he was random, funny, and yet strangely charming. I was and still am a Disney fanatic. Sadly my VHS tapes all broke from me watching them too much but I will rebuild my collection!
Heh, I suppose I am a Belle type person. I read waaayyy too much and am a bit of a nerd. The library and bookstore are my home. ^___^
haha, that was the most hilarious thing i've read (sorry for the delay...its not disney world over here)
Since i'm a girl, the princesses never became what i like (no offense to girls who do, i'm just not one of them)
Well, i'd have to say i never liked any of the guys from Disney movies... Though of 'cartoon' i'd say Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho would win hands down against all of them. (if you've never seen the series...go out now and find it!)
That's cool that you've found what you want in a girl. That's really smart.
Good post, keep up the good work,
~Anya
^_^
well, this made me laugh!!!!
I wonder if i DID ever crush on a disney prince. No, i don't think so. Ah, wait, i just remembered. Yes, i had a crush on Dimitri from Anastasia. *_*
haha, well, this post demanded subscription....