Sunday, 24 August 2008

  • Guest Blog: Disney Chicks

    This is a guest blog submitted by pseudohim.

    unlike kids today that have grown up with the technology that has brought us monsters, inc., toy story, nemo, wall-e, shrek, and other pixar/dreamworks magic, i grew up watching disney's 2D-animated musicals.  and they were FANTASTIC!  they should really bring them back.  when i was a kid, my mom bought every disney movie as soon as it was released on VHS.  so come saturdays, my sister and i would pop in the tape(s) and crowd in front of the tv to drown ourselves in a world of musically talented princes, princesses and talking animals.  my favorite of them all was beauty and the beast, largely because i was completely smitten with belle.

    belle was my very first crush ever.  and i loved her as much as a seconder grader possibly could.  in my young mind, she was the epitome of perfection, and even my pre-prepubescent heart knew that a girl like her was something special.  in fact, belle's impression on me was so profound, it made me see girls in a totally new light.  they were no longer the "enemy," and any notion that girls had cooties was completely tossed.  that year i even spent extra time customizing the valentine's grams we would hand out in school on valentine's day.  but shortly thereafter was a supreme disappointment as i discovered that my classmates were in fact nothing like belle at all.

    the funny thing is...  nearly a decade and a half later, i realize that my first crush (albeit she's a cartoon) is still the type of girl i crush on today.  belle embodies quite a few of the things that i value.


    1.  i find intelligence damn sexy, and belle is quite the nerd.  growing up i was just as big a bookworm as she.  i frequented the library and was ecstatic to receive paperbacks for birthdays and christmas.  i often daydream about serendipitously meeting a really cute girl at borders or barnes & noble, grabbing for the same book (of which there is only one copy left), breaking out in laughter and talking about other all-time favorites and making promises to meet again for a reading date.  in fact, my idea of a perfect saturday afternoon date would consist of nestling together in a couch, sharing an ipod, while reading a new fiction and sipping coffee.  (omg girls where are you going?  come back!  i like going to the beach too!  and other normal things!)

    2.  while i can't say it's always been the case, i now consider myself very much a family guy, so i would need a family-oriented girl.  and belle was most definitely a family girl.  look how she doesn't hesitate to sacrifice herself for her father!  so it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine her being a devoted girlfriend/wife and a wonderful mother as well.  speaking of which, i love girls that are good with kids.  the ones that aren't afraid to get their clothes dirty or hold the chocolate smeared hand of the mischievous preschooler, and the ones that knows how to make a kid laugh.  i think it's because i've grown up with such an awesome sister, i find girls that look after their siblings and have awesome relationships with their parents incredibly attractive.

    3.  i'm a sucker for the musically gifted.  i especially have a terrible weakness for girls who can play piano while singing.  take alicia keys or sara bareilles.  droool... (wipe)  i would make her sing for me everyday.

    4.  i appreciate the fact that belle doesn't fall for THAT guy.  you know, the self-proclaimed badass that make girls miserable but still seem to get plenty of them.  i know a bunch of douchebags like gaston, and a number of girls who have come to me for support, crying about how terribly they've been treated.  yet, they go back for more.  but not belle.  she wouldn't believe in jackasses, but she would believe in "nice guys" like me.  (yay!)

    5.  belle is pretty, yet not superficial.  it's a rare combination to find today.  and as i have admitted on a number of occasions, i'm quite superficial myself.  (so i guess that also makes me a hypocrite, and not so much of a nice guy.  dammit.)  but...  while i don't consider myself unattractive, i realize i'm no brad pitt or mr. clooney.  so belle's falling for the beast gives me incredible hope that i too can one day find an beautiful all-around perfect lady.  (WHERE ARE YOU?  SOMEONE TOLD ME THE COLOGNE I'M SAVING FOR YOU HAS AN EXPIRATION!!  SO COME QUICKLY!) 

    6.  i would be remiss if i did not talk about the gold dress.  as i've mentioned before, i have a thing for girls that "clean up well."  so when she entered the ballroom in that fantastically gorgeous gold dress.  W-O-W.  i think that's why i also squealed (yes, literally) when kate hudson showed up in that gold wonder in how to lose a guy in 10 days.  tee hee.

    with all of that said, tragically i seem to know many more girls that have a semblance of the other disney princesses.  let us examine them.

    there is ariel, the redheaded problem child.  sure she might have the hottest body, but unrealistically so.  we all know that swimmers have fairly broad shoulders.  (haha!)  and she was always in that clam shell bikini which means the water was way too hot or she just wants to show of her bod.  that skank, at least wear a seaweed wrap or something.  worst of all, she blatantly disobeys her dad and brings dishonor to her mermaid kind for that stupid prince.  i mean, WHO does that.  WHO signs their life away especially to a freaking creepy-looking octopus lady?  only stupid people.  that's who. 

    there are a lot of good looking girls that have fair/pale complexion.  in snow white's case i think 'white' is an understatement.  homegirl is straight up translucent and looks rather sickly.  she should really take some multivitamins and eat some non-poisoned fruits.  and let's not forget about her 7 little boytoys.  i do NOT trust that woman not to have fooled around.  (oh my dirty mind.)  'nuff said.

    next is jasmine.  hmmm...  actually, jasmine is pretty cool.   she gets major points for having a pet tiger and kudos for letting a pauper "show her the world."  but since i have to diss her somehow, i'm gonna say that she is oddly proportioned.  i'm convinced she has had some surgical procedures done to enhance her figure.

    i was not too much a fan of cinderella.  i suppose the fact that she was really good with animals is nice.  but mice and birds?  jasmine had a freaking tiger.  so cindy, sorry but you lose babe.

    onward to aurora, the sleeping beauty.  it's one thing to play coy.  it's another thing to make you fight a dragon and chop your way through thorns just for a kiss.  that's playing a bit TOO hard to get.  bitch it ain't worth it.

    other notable female mentions go to esmeralda who totally played quasimoto, my asian warrior sista mulan who confused herself as a boy, and pocahontas who might be the reason why yellow fever exists.  sorry ladies, you don't make the cut either.

    SO....  if by any chance you are a belle.  (clears throat)  why helllooooo there ;)


    Have you ever had a a crush on a cartoon character? Which Disney princess is your favorite?

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Comments (290)

  • XxNoLifeKing_AlucardxX@xanga

    hahah this is funny.


    I've never had crushes, but all the princesses were cool. I like Mulan better though
  • XxDead_SithxX@xanga

    never had a crush on disney characters but I thought Sleeping Beauty was a cutie when I was younger. hahaa
  • lovesporks@xanga

    i laughed for a good minute or two after reading this. what a great entry. (considering i love disney movies, and beauty and the beast is quite possibly my favorite of them all.)
  • lauralen@xanga

    My friends and I used to have Disney parties all through high school. We'd get together, have some good food, and watch lots of Disney movies into the wee hours. There's just something about the old animated ones - maybe just the memories. My great aunt is the one who'd always get me the most recent VHS.


    We all have our princesses though: A is Jasmine. L is Aurora. I am Belle.
  • EccentricSiren@xanga

    I always liked Belle, too. 
  • dreemzcometru1@xanga

    this is an awesome post! i work at borders and pretty girls come in all the time! you should go make your fantasy come true. lol


     i love beauty and the beast! one of my top disney favorites.


    and as for crushing on cartoons.. i always had a crush on aladin as a young girl. haha =]
  • JaydenWolf@xanga

    When I was young I loveeeed John Smith...

    Seriously, he came to the new world and didn't diss on Natives.. he looked deeper even though they were different and fell in love with the girl. (awww.)

    TOTALLY ruined it for me in the second pocahontas movie though. EWW. He was the epitome of a show off-y jerk.

    Whatever.
  • GodArt@xanga

    Belle is my favorite too, for the reasons you mentioned, especially because she's not afraid of getting dirty, but has a tender, feminine side too. I think a girl that that is rare, indeed. 
  • HeartOfPandora@xanga

    Oh bitch no, you did NOT insult Pocahontas!

    Oh, it is ON!  Insult John Smith all you want I'm not after him, but Pocahontas is off limits!
  • mystic_sapphire@xanga

    I like Belle and I like the story. At least she gets to know him before she decides she's in love with him.
  • TheLoquaciousLady@xanga

    Well, I never had a crush on one of the princesses (not that there'd be anything wrong with that) but I have to say there was something about Grumpy. He looked like he'd know a dirty little trick or two. And I won't even mention Pinocchio (lie to your girl, 'nocchi, tell me a little fib!)


    I am so going to hell.
  • FireMapleSong@xanga

    Belle went for guys with long hair and furry faces, too! Just another reason why she's the perfect woman

  • suuperstar@xanga

    this made me laugh so hard! great post hahaha
  • TheAngryQueerFeminist@xanga

    "i find

    intelligence


    damn sexy" FOR REAL. I refuse to date someone who does not read as much as I do, and isn't as smart, or smarter than I am.


    I need to brush up on my disney princess literature so that I can
    somehow insult Belle. No one disses Ariel, Aurora, or Mulan. I mean, you totally said that you dig girls who are family-oriented. Mulan dressed up as a boy, and went to war so her father could live! She totally sacrificed herself for him!

    And I'll think up defenses for the other ones soon. I'm still half asleep right now.
  • trunthepaige@xanga

    Ariel you are talking trash about Ariel.I am going to need to hurt you for that.

    And what is wrong with a swimmers body? Every guy I ever knew seemed to like them.  I sense a little jealousy, maybe someone's dream flame is hot on an Olympic swimmer. I think I going to put on the bikini and go to the river today. Yep I think I look pretty good, broad shoulders and all.

    that was a good entry, i liked it
  • UnVolume@xanga

    Belle's my favorite princess, too. Jasmine's second, I mean she has a pet tiger (awesome)! I always thought Aladdin was a cutie XP. 
  • Charity_the_So_Called_Artist@xanga

    Cute post. ^^ Even though I love every special quality about all the Disney princesses... *is a Disney fanatic* Belle IS one of my favorites.
  • idashling@xanga

    Pretty detailed and entertaining! What's wrong with being sassy (Ariel)?? Guys totally love sassy and fun girls. Plus I'm sure she tones down when she's with Prince Eric. :)
  • moisdejanvier@xanga

    Hmm... you seem to have missed the part of how growing up watching these Disney movies has scarred a generation and made it impossible for them to find their "perfect match." I mean... everyone ended up with someone in the Disney movies, didn't they? But based on those movies we may all be setting our standards too high. Disney movies always ended happily - yet there you sit, still waiting for your Belle. Perhaps if you locked yourself in a secluded castle after being cursed for your internal ugliness, Belle would find you, change you, and the two of you would live happily ever after (after she showed you the error of your ways and cleaned up your internal ugliness). But this doesn't seem to be the part of the story you want to focus on... fair enough.


    Now... what about Shrek? Fiona's a woman you can truly respect and Shrek is just so dreamy!
  • f_a_w_n_y@xanga

    this was great! so entertaining. If i knew how to recommend entries.. i would recommend this, but i don't . haha 
  • canittrulyhappen
    I feel you...

    I loved this post!

  • hopelessromantic

    Dmitri from Anastasia was HOT (not Disney technically though) and Prince Eric was pretty fine too. And he seemed like a rather down to earth prince. I can understand why Ariel might go to the lengths she did for him - love makes us do strange things.
  • AdiOpERsOcoM@xanga
    yay!

    I grew up liking Ariel, Belle, and Jazmin.

    I liked Ariel because she wasn't afraid of taking chances. She was adventurous and spontaneous, and that's the kind of girl I am. However, I must admit she was rather annoying when her childish side shone through sometimes...

    I liked Belle because she was smart and kind. And I LOVED her because she loved to read. Oh god. As a kid, I was super envious that the Beast gave her that huge library. SO LUCKY. I was just. I was speechless.
    ... still am actually. I even dressed up as her for Halloween once!

    But now that I think about it, my favorite princess has to be Jazmin. I realized years after I first watched Aladdin that she was the only one who didn't take crap from anyone. She is witty and clever, with a good sense of humor and has a good heart. She's open-minded and not another hopeless oh when will my prince come for me! sort of girl. She's realistic and just plain awesome.
    And yes, I have dressed as her for Halloween as a kid too. [It fits, 'cause I'm Mexican and growing up my family teased me about how I resembled her...]

    Anyway, this is a good entry and I have to say I agree with it, on a less harsher level I suppose. And while we're on the subject of Disney Princesses, I have to say the one I dislike the most is probably Aurora. Maybe even Snow White. I don't know. Those foolish, vulnerable and gullible types are just a real pain to me.

  • wuwu@xanga

    good one  :)
  • ladydamsel@xanga

    I'm all about Belle too, but I'm taken, lol. Also liked Jazmine and Mulan.

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