This is a guest post submitted by sleepyhead. Do you voluntarily let your significant other cheat on you? Probably not. Masha Lopatova does and she's proud of it.
Masha is a former Russian popstar, and she's married to NBA player
Andrei Kirilenko
of the Utah Jazz. She gives her husband what many call a "woman
allowance", which allows him to have sex with one other woman per year.
According to Masha, forbidden temptations will eventually come to
fruition, and there's nothing she can do to keep the groupies away...but
if she gives her husband permission to have sex with someone else, then
it's not considered cheating. She goes on to say, "It's the same way
raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,'
what does he want more than anything? Pizza."
WOW!
No
other word can define what this woman has done - she's rewritten the
rules on cheating. Her definition of cheating is unlike any I've grown
up with; to me, cheating is considered the ultimate sin and is not acceptable
in a relationship.
I can't imagine any of my exes agreeing to such a
thing, although it would have been interesting. But then again, I never
was and will be a prominent NBA ball player with groupies waiting for me
at the end of the night. This is why Masha's concept is baffling to me
and it didn't sit too well with wives of other NBA players, either. She's
become infamous in NBA circles for voluntarily allowing Andrei to cheat
on her.
In some strange way, their trust level is higher with
the "allowance". By giving her husband that choice, he doesn't feel
guilty for having sex with another women and she knows about it. Masha
is only focused on keeping their relationship intact and as strong as
possible, so forbidding him will only break their trust in each other
because he'd probably do it anyway. Such an odd relationship but
seems to be working for them.
Do you think what they're doing is wrong? Does forbidden things become more desirable over time?
And would you ever give your significant other an "allowance" ?
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Comments (101)
Having grown up with pro hockey players, they're going to cheat anyway. Even the most devoted husband. I commend her for what she's doing. I couldn't live with that but that's also why I'll never marry a pro athlete.
I wonder, does she do the same? Is she allowed one man a year? Does her husband even WANT to cheat with this rule?
brilliant chick
Definitely not. But it's not a matter of allowance... I think it's a matter of self-control.
It seems to me that if he really truly loved her he wouldn't need any such allowance because he wouldn't even be considering sleeping with anyone else because none of them would be as attractive to him as she is.
That is really strange.
She's a darn smart woman. The tighter you control, the more pressure there is to break free. She must be a psychology major
On top of that, she knows that she's hot enough to keep his attention. So, her call is an ace card.
WOW!!!! O_o
Well that is their choice and more power to them. I don't consider it cheating since they've come to an agreement about it and basically set up rules.
I don't think that builds a higher trust. I think it takes more to have faith in your significant other and trust him/her not to cheat. It takes more to get over your insecurities, to know that your significant other has self-control, to accept desire and not act on it. I wouldn't give my boyfriend an allowance and I don't think he would want one either. We decided when we started dating to devote ourselves to each other, not each other and other people.
I wonder if that makes him want to sleep with other women more or less...
that would drive me crazy!
Do you think what they're doing is wrong? Yes
Does forbidden things become more desirable over time? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Ideally as we mature, we learn to curb our desire for anything forbidden instead of providing an avenue for exploitation, like this couple seem to have done.
And would you ever give your significant other an "allowance" ? NEVER, because it is our (my girlfriend and myself) opinion that if we're interested in other people, we're in the wrong relationship. To us, it's not complicated...it's will-power coupled with lifetime love and respect for one another.
Wow. Just what happens when they decide to actually settle things down even more, not be so busy with their career. Will she still have him sleep with other women even though she can now satisfy him in bed? Will he be able to stop sleeping with other women? In the long run, this seems something that would fail miserably.
Maybe she just want the "d" and not have her hands on his check.
I could never.
I would drop kick my SO for even thinking about it.
Xo
not really
Wow she is cool and attractive. I didnt know this about AK-47 (Andrei Kirilenko 47 on the Utah Jazz). He is a lucky guy, but it is up to them how they define their relationship. Who says she isnt doing the same thing, thus why she wanted that to be allowed?
With the amount of money they make why cant they just fly every now and then?
trust level? sure..
if her reverse psychology is working, shouldn't her husband be faithful to her by now?
I hope she has affairs with other men, too. One-sided deals are no fun.
...But anyway. I don't know if I could do that myself. Give my partner a sex allowance. I'm worried about STDs, for one thing; plus, I can't stomach the thought of someone I love getting intimate with someone else. But maybe I'm just too traditional. :P
I would never do it. I think that marriage means devotion to your partner and only that partner. If you're planning on being unfaithful to your spouse, why get married to that person in the first place?
If they agree about the terms and conditions, it doesn't make it wrong. It just makes it wrong for you. And for anyone else who talks up their SO with "but he/she lets his/her SO do it!" That's crap.
A successful relationship is built on communication, boundaries and trust.
But Dae! No, no, listen. If your SO is a lemming and decides that you're so unfair (add in foot stomps) bc you won't let him/her have the option of sleeping with other people when (presumably) you aren't available, then that is his/her issue, not Masha's. Because that's between you and him/her.
If you aren't comfortable with the idea, then fine! Kudos to you! But don't judge something that obviously works for them.
And, omg, it doesn't deteriorate the meaning of marriage, either. Or the problems with possible STDs, pregnancy, etc. as you would've have discussed in length what is expected and since you love that person (yes, you can love someone and have sex with someone else), you would adhere to the rules. And we won't even introduce the idea of polyamory...
I think what she's done is smart. Then again, I could just be so much less traditional.
Just my two cents.
hehe wow, lucky guy. I wonder if that same favor is returned.
I actually thought of such a thing, but not as lenient. I know that most of us have dreamed of being in bed with our fantasy person (usually a celebrity), so my proposal would be: if there's ever an opportunity for me or a girlfriend to sleep with someone "famous", then we should be allowed to do it. It's like a "once in a lifetime" opportunity... most likely it'll never happen, and if it does, it'll happen that one time. I think I'd be OK with that. Then again, who knows, I may feel differently if it really did happen, haha.
Hardly a new concept. I wouldn't have any problem with a system like that.
what works for some, may not work for others. if it works for them and they are happy with that arrangement, why should anyone else intervene? it's their relationship. they may be happier than a lot of other couples who don't give such "allowances".
personally, i could never allow that in my own marriage. to me, it completely violates the entire concept of marriage.
so if he gets an allowance, does she get one too? you never mentioned that.
@GeLLiBeLLy@xanga - I looked but doesn't look like she does.
Hey if that works for her, then that what works. It should work both ways.
I would have an allowance when I get married but not as lenient... I can forgive once... I would just feel better if I was told first. I don't like the lying aspect of cheating more than I don't like the sex part.