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Miss Double Shot I just got off the phone with a friend from college - she's 24, living in a small town in the midwest and has been dating a guy for a couple of years now. She says that out of all of her close friends, she's the only one who hasn't gotten engaged; in fact, a lot of her 24-year-old friends have already been married and are parents and now they're asking her why she isn't married yet - sort of the bandwagon, "everyone's doing it!" approach.
She's rational about the whole situation, saying that she and her boyfriend have their own timeline and will take the next steps when they're ready, but she can't shake the feeling of being the last one without a ring on her finger.
She also says she can't believe how early people settle down in her town - after she graduated from high school, she was a bridesmaid in three of her classmates' weddings. "I can't handle that," she told me. "We have the rest of our lives to be married and have kids . . . I want to enjoy being who I am now!"
Out of you and your circle of friends, who do you think will settle down first? Do you have advice for my friend?
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Comments (82)
I think she should just be honest and tell them, she and her boyfriend aren't ready yet and are taking their time. If he isn't pushing her, why worry what others think?
Xo
I am still 16 so I have no clue what's gonna happen whatsoever. But my cousin is 24 and she is still gonna be in school and has never dated before, same goes as her brother who is 22. But my friend's older brother just got married recently and he was 26.. I don't know but I suppose it does take time to find the right person and right time , as cliche as that sounds..
Your friend is really smart. I wouldn't get married before twenty five either. Hell, thirty even. Some people call it "settling down"...I call it "settling for codependency".
marriage isn't for everyone, plus your friend should see if the guy is on the same page.
When one of my friends got engaged last fall, everyone was starting to wonder "who's next?" & of course, all eyes fell on me & the boyfriend. It bothered me quite a bit 'cause I knew I wasn't ready for marriage [& neither was he] yet I couldn't help wonder when. I think subconsciously, I wanted to get married & I didn't realize the detrimental effect it had on my relationship. My boyfriend finally voiced it to me after a month saying he felt pressured & that's when I realized it & backed off. I had to make a huge effort to constantly remind myself that we weren't ready yet & everyone else's opinion didn't matter. Easier said than done & it was quite frustrating since I usually don't let people get to me like that. The feelings resurfaced again when I watched my friend get married this past July but it was less strong as before. It gets better. Remind your friend not to lose focus of her thoughts & feelings. With constant reminder & support from friends like you, she'll get through this. :)
For the record, I'm currently 21, about to turn 22 in a month's time. The friend [mentioned above], got engaged & married at 22. This entry couldn't have come at a better time as I have yet another friend who got engaged just last week & she's also 22. Again, everyone in their own time. I know I'm not ready & damn proud of it~ :D
I think I'll be one of the last. We shall see.
I would tell them to shut their mouths and never mention it again. Then if they do mention it again immediately punch them as hard as she can square in the nose. I have a hunch that doing so would shut them up pretty well...
She should go on her own timetable though and not rush anything. I'd be willing to be that a bunch of her friends marriages will break up in the next few years anyway since it sounds like they rushed into them.
I figure that I will never get married for various reasons so it doesn't really bother me too much that some of my friends are getting married. But I do have a some close friends who are in their late twenties and early thirties and are not even in any serious dating relationships.
It's hard for me to say exactly what the pros/cons are of marrying earlier or later...my parents were married at twenty, and at the time, I was eight months old. They separated when I was in seventh grade, and divorced a year later. It's been almost three years since their divorce, and my mother is remarried, and my dad engaged. So, I don't know what would have happened if they hadn't gotten married when they did. They probably would have separated when I was a child, and I wouldn't have my two younger brothers, and my mom wouldn't be married to her husband (he was my brother's hockey coach a few years ago, that's how they met). My life would be drastically different.
Basically, nobody knows what is going to happened if they elope tomorrow (hello, mom and dad!) or if they wait until they're thirty. They could break up between now and then, who knows? I think your friend should do what she thinks is right for her and her relationship.
As for who will get married first of my friends...it's hard to say. Not many of my close friends date much. I've had two boyfriends since June 07, and I fall HARD, but I don't think I will get married until I'm in my late twenties or thirties, because I really want to have a career and travel a fair amount.
lol so funny that me and my friends were talking about this last week. Me and my friends are either 23 or 24 and NONE of us are married. We're still trying to make our own lives before we even try to get engaged or married. I applaud your friend. I believe she's right. A lot of people are getting married young and starting lives with their SOs without even trying to make a life of their own. Who's to say that if and should they get a divorce, how will they be able to cope being on their own if they've never built anything for themselves. If she wants to crawl to the alter and her fiance is crawling right along with her then more power to the both of them!!! 24's toooo young to settle down when you're at your prime of being a young adult.
A good friend of mine is Orthodox Jewish and she is literally the only girl in her group of friends/family that is not engaged. She's starting to dislike spending time with them too because all they can talk about is when she's going to get married and why isn't she married yet.
That whole world is so foreign to me. I can't imagine being married this young and I'm so glad that most of my friends are not like that. It would be too weird for me.
I'm there right now. A lot of my college friends are married or engaged...a few of them are about to pop out babies. I feel a little "envious" at times but then I think about it and I'm happy that I'm not married yet. I think college is way too young to get married. You're just becoming independent and need time to "figure yourself out" before you tie yourself to someone else in what's supposed to be a lifetime commitment.
I'm 25. My best friend is a little younger than me and has been married for a year, now. A lot of people I went to high school with are married with children. I'm getting married next June (I'll be 26 when we're married,) but I got the chance to do the crazy college kid thing, to find myself...all of that. I'd never have been ready for marriage earlier than this. I'm glad I waited. I think your friend should, too. And just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean she has to. Go at your own pace, imho. It's the best way to do it
-Katie
by social standards, i assumed that my friend, who is currently pregnant, would get married first. i asked her and her bf if theyre planning to and they said yes, eventually.
after that conversation, i went back to my original assumption of my other friend who's been with her boyfriend for 6-7 years now. she also told me that she expected to be married by the time she's 24 and she's 21 now. but she's not sure if she's going to follow through with that plan because she wants accomplish her career goals first.
my cousin, who is my age, was in the verge of getting engaged at the age of 20. i havent talked to her since so i'm not sure if she's already married. i couldn't imagine getting married and not being able to champagne at my own wedding.
i'm only 21 and i havent really thought about it. my boyfriend and i are happy just the way we are. he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and i feel the same way. it doesn't matter to us whether we're married or not.
I know of more than a few classmates who have either tied the knot or are expecting; their ages range from 19-21. One of my best friends is married and she is expecting a little one in the next few months. She's only 19 mind you. As for me, I'm not jumping in the bandwagon anytime soon.
Tell your friend not to feel pressured. It is her life. She's in control of it. She should do what she wants so she doesn't miss out on life. Stick with her goals and chase her dreams.
I recently got out of a 6-year relationship and had the same problems given the very large family I have. No marriage or kids EVER for me!
i think its gd to hold your time and wait till you know that person/ you are both ready/mature till you get married.
and sides, i dont wait to get marry so young :] i want to do things in my life before i really settle down .
Out of all my friends, no one is married or engaged yet. Any acquaintance that I know who got married is currently getting divorced and they are under 25 years of age. I'm 22 and I don't want to get married anytime soon. I want to pursue my own goals before I have to share it with someone else.
If she's comfortable with that then so be it! =] I say everyone really does need to explore their own happiness first
hecks yea enjoy yourself and mature. It will be better in the long run instead of just getting into something you won't do well
haha marriage, its like the next huge transition in life.
first was like the graduation of elementary, and then prom, then its marriage next.
Its weird,
Time flies by so fast.
I have a friend whom ive met in grade8 and shes getting married next summer, therefore she'll be 20.
Seems so surreal, but it happens i guess.
Marriage shouldnt be a race.. lol that would be so stupid.
The fact that u want to get married asap because all ur friends have? Who the hell are u going to marry? Someone whom u've been seeing for like 3months because of pressure?
You'll know when to get married, she hasnt found that someone yet to commit to for the rest of thier lives, that one thats worth the risk. lol
Meantime...just show off to her friends on all the hot guys shes seeing ;D
If anything, i think the kids seems to come first more than marriages now a days...in this generation anyway and the last.
People are pressured even more to get married because of pregnancy
I wouldn't get married right away. I'd rather explore all my options and mature more to become a better person. Nowadays, marriage isn't for everyone. Personally, it would really take me some time 'till I acknowledge wanting to settle down. I'm not afraid of commitment, but I don't wanna jump in into things.
A lot of our friends from college and high school got married around the same time we did-- shortly after college. This was in Texas. We then moved to California, where getting married at 23 seemed almost tragic to a lot of people, and many of our friends there married closer to their mid-30's. Location and the local culture there really plays such a big role here.
My friends are almost all 25+ and unmarried. I'll be the first to tie the knot next year. I think its because we all come from families that emphasize education and taking your time with growing up. I am SO glad I didn't get married straight out of high school! I have changed so much and the guy I thought I wanted to marry is not who would have been best for me in the long run.I say grow up, experience life to the fullest as a single woman, and THEN think about getting married.
wow, i honestly don't know if any of my friends right now or myself are even gonna get engaged like that or married soon. we're all thinking late twenties or early thirties if it comes to that, but i think there's nothing wrong at all with what your friend is thinking.
i don't think that there's anything wrong with being the "last" one in her group of friends to get the ring, but feelings aren't too rational, but i think your friend should feel that as long her relationship with her boyfriend is going good, and everything's alright-- that things will happen at their own pace, don't feel rushed to do anything or make a big decision. be happy ! (: