if you had so much of your future pinned on this one, why did you tell him you "are done with it"  (i'm assuming by "it" you mean the relationship)?

what did you expect him to say?  were you hoping that he'd beg you not to leave him?

if you said that as part of some sort of manipulative head game, this is what happens.  no good comes out of head games.  don't say stuff you don't mean... especially not stuff like this.

Is he not allowed to change his mind?

I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but I've been in his shoes.  And I've struggled with how exactly to tell my partner that I love them, want them in my life, but not in the same way they want to be with me. 

But I've also been in your shoes, and I know how devastating hearing the 'just friends' thing can be.

So where does that leave you? 

One, don't ask if we know why he did it, bc there's simply no way for us to see his exact motivations behind his waning interest in the relationship and his answer. 

Two, would knowing that it's a defensive mechanism make you hurt less?  I doubt it, bc it still leaves you at a point where you aren't getting what you need from this relationship, and he's obviously not interested in giving it to you in the requested fashion.

Three, you have to understand that people change.  Good, bad, ugly, doesn't matter.  The simple fact remains that people rarely stay the person they were when you first met them.  The difference, of course, is whether you change and evolve your relationship together, or if you've met a fork in the road. So,

Last but not least, four, you have to decide what you want to do with your life.  Do you wallow in this upsetting declaration and pine for a man who doesn't want to progress the relationship?  Or do you move forward with the lessons you were meant to learn from it and find someone who is now more compatible with you now that you've evolved yourself?

In my cases, the guy ended up marrying another girl, having babies, and years later, we've reconnected and are friends.  And I, walking in your shoes, took some time away from men altogether to figure out exactly who I was and what I wanted out of life and relationships.  It culled the fish in the sea for me, and I had a wonderful (albeit at times rocky) relationship with someone else.

Just my two cents.

yeah, if you've got so much pinned on it, you two should get counseling instead of calling it quits. 

it might be the truth that after being in a relationship with you, he felt that you're not the one but couldn't get the balls to break up with you, so he let you do it for him, but he would still want to be friends because you're interesting enough for him to be friends.

you gave him a ultimatum by saying that you were "done with it". Now you're upset b/c he didn't give you the answer you demanded. That's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Guys have feelings too lol and we don't wanna end up like fools. Similarly, girls wouldn't like to just be turned down all of a sudden. Although I wouldn't react like that, I do think it's just a defense mechanism...give him a break. You just kinda exploded everything on his face.

It's just a defense mechanism...everyone does it in different ways. No one wants to pour out their heart and all of a sudden be bombarded with a truth they don't want to hear.

You should never assume with a guy.

He wasn't that into you. Don't take it personally, although we've all been there and we all do take it that way. It's not that you're too fat/too skinny, too tall/too short, too quiet/too loud....you just weren't the right fit for each other. Saying you had a lot pinned on him is very telling. Have you ever read The Rules or He's Just Not That Into You? Take care of you and keep on trucking. NEXT!!!!

Some people just lose interest like that. Kind of like a emotional ADD or something...

Next!

Ha. I play this card a lot, and I am a female.

I've told a few too many boys that I could see myself being their wife, or that I can see us being together in the future for one reason.. and one reason only.

They haven't stolen my heart, only my attention.

My heart was stolen 2 years ago, and I've never really gotten it back.. I'm too tied up in wondering what he's doing, who he's doing, where he's going, then to actually accept the truth and move on.

Whoa! Wait up! He said he can see both of you as married and then he came up with "all I wanted is a friend"?

You know what? Move on girl. I mean, guys RUN miles when women mention marriage. Since and IF he mentioned that and then did not put in as much effort into the relationship. When confronted, he gives you "all I wanted is a friend"  which isn't a defence mechanism at all! Why are you shooting out a 'defence mechanism' if you even say something like "I see myself being married to you"? It sure felt like he sang you a line and you feel hook and sinker for it.

Pack up what is left of your future and start investing into better futures. If he really wants you MORE than a friend, he'll have to work for it.

I dont think this guy is up for the real deal nor a relationship... N I dont think this guy is ready to b "pinned" up!! See if u could save this by allowing him TIME... N showing him u wanna MORE than just friends

But I doubt this will end up going anyway.. Even after u give him time n even after u show ur true feelings

He switched up on U too quick and once a guy says "lets just be friends"... ahhh u can forget about it