This is a guest blog submitted by sahar.Remember the
infamous Friends episode where Rachel and Ross are "on a break"? Well,
if you haven't seen it let me give you a brief recap (since I've pretty much
memorized every Friends episode... ever).
Rachel and Ross decided
they wanted to go on a break, but they never discussed the guidelines
between the break. Rachel was becoming very close with a friend from
work, Marc. Ross was getting really jealous and assumed they were
sleeping together, even though they weren't. One drunken night, Ross
ended up sleeping with a bartender when he went
out with the boys (Joey and Chandler). After he told Rachel, she
freaked out, was really upset, and that was the end of their
relationship for the next season. Until the last episode, whenever
anyone brings up Ross' "cheating" incident, he yells "WE WERE ON A
BREAK!"
God, I still remember that tragic scene after their
long fight...
Ross: If you had slept with someone I would have
forgiven you.
Rachel: See, Ross, that's the difference between you and me... I would never sleep with someone else.
*tear*
Personally, I'm on Rachel's side. Even though they were on a break, it
doesn't give him the liberty to sleep with someone else.
But,
what is this whole "break" business anyways? I've never been on a break
with any of my SOs - if it's not working out then we call it quits.
Whose side are you on in the Rachel & Ross fiasco? What is your opinion on "breaks"?
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Comments (107)
Breaks are the dumbest thing anyone could ever do. It only complicates things even more.
But nonetheless Rachel gets my vote.
i am on your side...
if a couple does decide to have a break then stablish the ground rules and concord.
acceptable
* go out with friends
* flirt
*go clubbing
*meet new people
*maybe go out on a date.
* a kiss
not acceptable
* have sex with someone else
* trash the other person
maybe its just me but its plain disrespectful in that case i would much rather call it quits
I hate breaks because they're basically "hey, lets take a break because it feels like I can find better, and if I can't I'll settle for you!" so, breaks are just another version of break ups. It seems wrong for him to sleep with anyone else but they were on break, so there really aren't any rules. I, personally wouldn't do that to anyone else.
I think Rachel should have more clearly defined what she meant - take space apart to think about their relationship, but not look for something new. Ross heard it as "break up," and because of his assumptions about her and Mark, thought they could see other people. I still think that that soon he should not have felt like he wanted to sleep with anyone else if he really loved Rachel. Even if Rachel agreed they were on a break she would have been upset.
But anyway, I think if you need time and space to reevaluate a relationship, you should mutually agree to take it and what that means - remaining monomgamous, etc. Sometimes this may be helpful. I don't think having problems means you should end the relationship unless you've both exhausted all means to work things out.
Ouch. All too familiar. I'm on Rachel's side. You break up if you want to sleep with other people. Or, you "see other people."
A "break" for me is usually no more than separating for a period of time to give each other space and free thinking room. Flirting and exploring options, fine. But if it gets to the point where you want to sleep with other people, you gotta change the game.
I was on a break with a Ross once. I think it really probably felt as bad... no, probably worse... than if he had fooled around with someone while we were still together. We were supposed to be taking a break to make things better... not worse.
I wouldn't knock "breaks" though. This one (believe it or not) saved our relationship, despite the boy's stupid decisions. Hey, Ross and Rachel ended up together in the end too, didn't they? I'm not the friends expert.
seriously, guys need to stop using the "we were on a break!" excuse!
Im on rachels side because I dont see how when even on a break with a SO.. we can just brush off all our feelings and find comfort in someone else. It should be harder than that and it should be known that hard times is not an open invitation to the opposite sex .. just because we are going through a break does not change the fact that we care and had a meaningful relationship together.. furthermore it doesnt mean that the relationship is completely over. Even under the circumstances ross was in(being drunk), this other lady coming into the picture should not have happened...and I can understand why rachel was so hurt.
I wouldn't like for my gf to go do something with someone while we're on a break. Therefore, I wouldn't do that either. A break to me is more like trying to relax and get some things straight not jump into a one night stand or another relationship.
If I were on a break, I wouldn't go out there and get interested on someone else. If I wanna do that, I'd just break up with my gf. Being on break, doesn't mean to go throw away all the memories and feelings you've shared with your gf. Ross gave her such a sorry ass excuse. -.-
Personally, I think breaks are absurd.
Breaks need definitions! and guidelines!
if your going to be on one, talk about what it means, and whats appropriate!
dont leave any room for grey areas or assumptions.
at least thats what i tell my friends, though few ever listen...
I would want to take Rachel's side, but I wouldn't hold much on Ross because they were on a break.
In my past relationship I had been on two breaks. One called by me because he had only a month to hang out with his friends until he moved away and I wanted him to enjoy his time with them without having to worry about the stress of the relationship. The second time was called by him, it was a break-up that became a so called "break." Soon I got tired of that break and broke it off completely. After that relationship, I saw how pointless breaks are and how they don't work.
I think that breaks are pointless. They are just a nice way of saying "I'm not feeling this anymore, but I don't want to be the bad guy/girl and just flat out break up with you".
I am on Rachel's side. A break isn't being broken up that is the whole point of not just entirely calling it quits isn't it? So obviously you shouldn't be sleeping with someone else.
Logically, I have to say that I agree with Ross in this episode. While I agree that they were "on a break" and he had the right to sleep with another girl, I don't think that I could have forgiven him after that incident. Breaks insinuate there is a stop and start time for responsibility in the relationship, but if the relationship is so bad you're going after other people, then I would seriously consider if you wanted to restart the relationship anyway. I've been on breaks before; the breaks were just break ups without us wanting to end it.
breaks are dumb... they're either a step towards breaking up or the other person's way of fooling around with other people without feeling guilty...
I'm on Rachel's side... maybe flirting and a kiss here or there is ok, but sex is just way too far...
Rachel was being obscenely melodramatic in the whole thing to begin with.
But I'm still on her side. IF he EVER wanted to get back together with her, he should never have slept with someone else.
I think I might be alone in this, but I'm on Ross's side. I would have taken him back if I was Rachel.
With breaks I do NOT agree with the whole "exploring other options" because that is just as bad as sleeping with other people if not worse. It would be like you are on a break and then they "explore options" and talk with someone they could fall for and leave you. So exploring options is a pretty stupid idea in my opinion. If you want to do that THEN GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP and grow up.
I don't think breaks are right at all, or to call them that. I think "cooling off" or "discussing and thinking" things over are fine. But taking time to be completely by yourself and "exploring options" is idiotic. The only way to help save a relationship that NEEDS a break would be by working TOGETHER to make it work. Not working seperately. I mean, if you got married and had kids you don't just get to go on a "break" because you feel trapped or whatever. You shouldn't have continued on in the relationship if you couldn't completely resolve things. I don't mean break up with them if there are a few problems, just break up if you can't solve them and have exhausted all resources.
Nice blog.
Breaks are mean, manipulative, and frankly, bullshit. It's putting someone on a leash (it is 99% undoubtedly the decision of one person, and agreed to out of apprehension of his/her significant other) when you could just let them be free of your ambiguity.
However, I do agree with Rachel. It's somewhat disrespectful to go and sleep with someone even if they had just broken up, so recent to it. It's like telling the person they didn't matter at all to you.
Logically speaking though, he was not "technically" at fault. How Rachel acts there is probably exactly how I would.
My parents went on a break. It sucked. They got back together and it sucked. They divorced and now everybody is happy and friendly.
Breaks suck.
uh, that's kind of the whole point of "break."
see, there's really no such thing.
either break it up all the way or stick it through.
breaks never work.
@awokenfatality@xanga - EXACTLY!
breaks dont work
I like how in today's world of casual sex. Rachel is still taking it seriously.
It depends, because in my mind a break isn't going out to see other people. A break is time when the other person is just driving you up the wall and you need time. You're still together, and you're still exclusively seeing one another; just at the moment, you need time to screw your head back on straight. Anybody who is in a relationship where one mate or another is overly needy will appreciate the value of a break. In no case, however, should a break ever signify a chance to go see other people -- that's just absurd.
i'm on rachel's side on this one. given they never clarified what a break was i always thought a break meant space. like a vacation from each other.