This is a guest blog submitted by sahar.I'm a
Pakistani-American Muslim girl. My parents are extremely religious, yet
despite their greatest efforts, have accepted that their children are
not.
However, marriage is a huge ordeal in our culture. When my
sisters came to the proper age of marriage they started getting
prospective "buyers".
One guy came to our house for
prospective engagement with my sister. Hena, being extremely cynical,
didn't show much attention to this guy who was there to basically
"check her out".
Towards the end of the night, my mother and I
noticed that Hena was talking to me more than the guy, and my oldest
sister, Rabica, was talking to the guy more than Hena. We were curious about what was going on.
The next morning we got a phone call
saying that the guy decided he wasn't interested in Hena but in Rabica.
My mother was mortified and obviously declined the marriage prospect.
If
you have siblings of the same gender, is there ever competition between
you for guys or girls? What do you think about this guy who decided to
swap sisters?
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Comments (52)
i think buying and selling people is illegal in america...but i could be wrong....i think the whole thing sucks....
I think it might actually be scandalous, if he were already involved with the first sister (not just checking her out) and decided he wanted the other sister. However, seeing as that wasn't the case...
My sister and I are seven years apart, didn't grow up together, and honestly, our dating pools are filled with completely different fish. No competition at all.
My sister and I are 5 years apart, but we look very similar - same body type and such. We live really far apart, but on occasion, we've gotten guys wanting to, ah, get in on some "twin" action. (*shudder*)
But we also go for, and attract, completely different types of guys, the creeps excluded. So I don't see any potential competition there - no way.
In this case, I don't see a problem with the sister swapping idea, since he wasn't really familiar with Hena before the fact, and he hit it off much better with the other sister. However, when you've actually shown some serious interest in one sister, it's really creepy to approach the other.
My sisters and I are 10 years apart so I don't that's ever going to be an issue, haha. Though my first BF did joke about it on occasion. I still think my lil sis (8) was more in love with him than I ever was!
Why was your mom mortified? Does Rabica have prospective 'check out'ers?
No competition between my brother and I. We date totally different people.
My oldest sister and I are 11 years apart, so we don't really compete. I think we might get a little jealous of each other whenever one of us is dating and the other isn't though. However, I'd feel bad if I got married before her, but neither of us have prospects, so no worries there.
why would your mom be mortified? As long as she approves of the guy, who cares who she picks, right? Strange... my mom's friend is a bit nicer. She tried to hook me up with her oldest daughter, but when I wasn't interested, she tried to hook me up with her youngest daughter instead, haha.
Anyway, I don't see a problem with "sister swapping". It's only an issue if the guy already dated one sister, dumped her, then tried to go for another sister. That's just more trouble waiting to happen.
Have no answer for the first question. But arranged marriages is a little funny in itself, whether is it between parents and parents or parents and party of interesting. Because it is up to the parents who are playing match maker, they are the ones who are suppose to find the "perfect" match. I would say guy swapping sister found the person hes interested in...but the person intentions were to get the other sister hitched. If you asked me sounds like a Cinderella story.
I agree with naruto_nerd@xanga why was your mom mortified that the guy was interested in your older sister? If she's older and didn't have any other prospects, I wouldn't see why she'd decline the marriage prospect.
In the end, if a guy has had no prior dating history with your sibling, then I don't see it as an issue. However, if a guy had been dating and intimate with another sibling, that would be really awkward for everyone and I think it should be avoided.
I have a younger brother, but we've never competed for the attentions of any gal. I think we have very different tastes.
I doubt it... my sisters don't like my husband. They all think he's too boring or quiet or something.
what is considered the "proper" age for marriage?
My younger sister & I are a year & a half apart, or two grades apart. We don't really have issues with liking the same guys 'cause we've got different tastes [as far as I've seen]. She also is a bit more boy-crazy than me.. she's had numerous guys crush on her & "dated" quite a few, whereas my current boyfriend is the third guy I've ever dated & my second boyfriend. That & I'd never go for a younger guy just 'cause it's a little to close to her age & it'd just freak me out.
I do understand how your mom could be mortified.. I think she was more intent on getting the oldest one married off before the younger ones. I've heard that's how some parents are in many families. They'd prefer their oldest marry first. However, my parents don't seem to worry about that. My sister, on the other hand, has admitted to me that she'd feel weird getting married before I did.. [not that I'm any closer to getting married than her even though I have a boyfriend.. she's convinced she's found the one she's gonna marry... looong story there.]
at first blush, "sister swapping" sounds like an incestual, jerkish move. however, i think it needs to be looked at on a case-by-case basis. there are many things in life that are not so obviously black and white. first of all, look at the situation. is he there on a *date* with the sister, whereupon he hits on the other sister? if so...NO, that is NOT ok. is he there in the capacity of a blind date with a sister who was "forced" (well, she didn't initiate it and doesn't want it and shows no interest whatsoever) to at least meet him once, and then he and another sister show interest in one another? like in your situation? i think that's ok - as long as it's okay in terms of your culture or societal mores. did he show interest in one sister, and when she rejected him, he declared himself to be interested in *another* sister?? clearly, that's a pride & prejudice situation, and "we are not amused". that would NOT be ok.
so it all depends. generally, i don't like it. but there are *always* exceptions to every case - except for rape and child molestation. that's another thing altogether.
@tialoca_talks@xanga - i don't think she literally meant "buyer"...? and it sucks for us because we grew up with the idea of individual freedom and choice. we grew up with the idea that free will is sacred, that choice is an ultimate right, etc. but in some cultures, that's a very American way of thinking, and they don't like us because we think we're always right - we have a very Imperial way of thinking. it's our way, or the highway. i think it sucks too, but i respect it. if the girl is obviously crying out for help, then help her. if she's not, and she respects her culture enough to do it, then so be it. i respect that too.
i'm just saying. :) yay summer time!
first off, i believe i will wait for her to tell me what she meant, not someone else...second, did i say my way was right? my opinion is ...it sucks...and last time i looked..i get to have my opinion..i made no judgement of her or her culture by voicing it..and finally, i don't give a rip what anyone thinks when we answer posts...we all put it up there for comment by total strangers....we get what we get...try respecting that while you're at it...
I think it's pretty hilarious. If he had been sent to a home with just one girl... he would've ended up with nothing. I guess it's better for the guy if his parents send him to a house FULL of MANY girls... and he can "take his pick"
Was the youngest a lot younger?
My sister and I have totally different taste in men. No guys have every been attracted to both of us, and we've never been attracted to the same guy. We're only a year and a few months apart.
@tialoca_talks@xanga - actually venusatellite is correct. i didn't literally mean "buying and selling" and her comment was completely right.
@peGGanOra@xanga - and actually, he came initially for the younger sister (hena) and then he left interested in the older sister. they're 4 years apart.
the guys that I manage to snag... or want to date me- are not the kinds of guys i'd want to see my little sister with. she's about 2 1/2 years younger than me.
@sahar - still think arranged by your parents engagements suck...sheesh, it is an opinion...get over it...
@tialoca_talks@xanga - i'm not angry at you for your opinion. I know it's an opinion and you have every right to say them. maybe you should respect other people's opinions as well.
show me where i didn't respect someone else's opinion..just because i don't care what people think doesn't mean i disrespect them...maybe you should follow your own advice...
Im the oldest daughter by 13 years so its never been an issue for me. It could have been worst if all four of my brothers were girls because our ages are right next to eachother.
Xo
I think your parents were right by turning down his offer at your older sister. He was asked there to meet your other sister. Even if she was not interested, it was (In my opinion.) rather rude of him to take that invitation as a chance to "take his pick" of the other "options."