This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.Men aren't necessarily known for gold digging; society has labeled women as the
gold diggers.
Then there's my 22 year old guy friend. He *only*
dates women who make more than 100K a year, and are older than him by 5
or more years.
His last two girlfriends were these ladies:
- Optometrist, 29 - She does private work with celebrities.
- Dentist, 28 - She works at a prestigious hospital in NYC.
I've
never understood his fascination with gold digging. I've always been a
person who worked hard to earn my money and there's a level of
satisfaction from knowing your labor is helping provide for your
family. It just doesn't make sense to me why anyone would gold
dig. But I wanted to understand his reasoning behind it, so I decided
to ask him.
He gave me permission to share our online conversation:
KR:
Yo girls do this to guys all the time. Yeah people say they're gold
diggers but do you think they care? Nope! So why should I care?Me: Yeah but you lying to these girls. One of them gonna find out or fall for you. What you gonna do then?
KR:
Nah I always break up with them before they get attached. Age don't
really matter to these girls. They just say that so their little
friends don't make fun of them for going out with a college kid.
They're supposed to be focused on their careers not chasing college
boys.Me: So what are they getting out of this?KR:
Beats me dude. But if they're willing to spend their money, time and
effort on me. Why should I complain about it? You know those guys the
gold diggers go after, they could cut off the girls but they don't.
They want something in return, so these girls also want something in
return, and I'm going to give it to them until they cut me off.After
the conversation, I had to admit that at least part of his reasoning
did make some sense. If women can gold dig, it's equally fair that men
can do it as well.
It's still something that I wouldn't do, but it's
been working for him and I'm sure has been for many others.
Do you
know anyone – male or female – that is a gold digger? What do you
think about the whole idea of gold digging ?
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Comments (48)
Some people like to have an attractive young thing dangling off their shoulder, and if it comes with a price tag, it comes with a price tag. Who are we to judge?
I understand if you're looking for someone who is financially stable but I find that there's something dishonest and insincere in specifically looking for someone who's loaded with cash knowing you're going to leave them before it gets too serious. Rich people have feelings to, you know (...right?).
I think both men and women are capable of being "gold diggers." I don't know any personally.
I agree with you. I don't find it appealing. A relationship should be based on the people actually likinng each other, wanting to be together, etc. not based on money.
Of course, if people are dating/in a relationship, each person may spend money on the other according to how much money each person has. If one person has a larger salary, that person may be able to spend more money on the other person, while the second person may be able to spend less. I think it's perfectly possible for two people to be in a relationship even if they have different incomes. (For example, sometimes one person has a job outside the home and the other is a stay-at-home spouse/parent, but we would not call the stay-at-home person a "gold digger" because they are doing important work -- they are just not being paid for it.) The important part is that they want to be together and each person is contributing, taking responsibility, etc.
I would guess that there couples in which both are aware that the gold digging is going on -- one person knows that the other person is only in it for the money and is fine with it. I would not want to be in this kind of relationship, but if it's fine with them...who am I to judge?
I just think it's wrong to only date someone because they have more money, especially if one person is being used: one person thinks there is going to be a long-term relationship while the other is just in it for the short term/for the money but not telling the first person.
Jedi Master 713
somehow I found this sad and empty....
I don't like gold digging, but people choose to live that way, being the gold or the diggers. I try not to hold it against any one. To each their own.
You can be a gold digger whether you're a male or female. Regardless of what gender you are, gold digging is still a disgraceful act. I think it's a good reflection of how much you don't value yourself and your inability to work for yourself.
I hate how everything seems to depend on money. I think it's totally ridiculous.
i gold dig sometimes too. i mix it up.
Something about gold digging smacks of an escort service-like scenario, but for an extended period of time. Basically, the gold digger is "being taken care of financially" in exchange for the "companionship" they provide to their financier. That's just my take on some of these situations.
Gold diggers are a waste of time. It shows the side of them that they don't want to do anything and therefore, are relying on you to give them your money to spend. If I saw one sign of gold digging with a girl I was dating, I would really just let her go at that point.
But necessarily, it doesn't mean that just because girls do it that it's alright for him to do it too. It wouldn't really be fair.
Certainly, I'd like to date someone who had lots of money to toss around at me. But I would never, ever ask them to do so, and I wouldn't seek anyone out for his money. I think people who specifically date on the basis of money are missing out on the whole point of dating. As long as their wealthy companions know what's up, and are okay with it, that's their concern. But it's not anything that I could accept for myself or any of my friends.
No matter how much people may deny it, chivalry still exists. In that society, it's usually the guy taking care of the girl. Then there are some girls who like it *too* much, and just winds up leeching whatever they can from the guy. I don't usually don't go for those kinda girls cuz they're not my type. I guess it's only fair for me to say the same thing about the guy. I don't think it's right for anyone, guy or girl, to be mooching off the other. But some people just don't feel guilty doing it. I wouldn't feel right being a gold digger cuz as a guy, I've been taught to be the one to take care of myself and my family. So even if a woman offered to be nice to me and treat me well, I'd still have to do stuff on my own, or else I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
he clearly must be charming, good looking, or most importantly, good skills-wise where it matters.
DUDE. men can SOOOO be gold diggers.
i *knew* a gold digger once. she was not a happy person. look, the thing about life is... you don't have a true sense of worth or pride, or a sense of the value and worth of things, if you don't earn it yourself. you get some rich eff to buy you trinkets all the time, and you start to lose your sense of *gratefulness* for those things, and you start to lose a sense of *value* for those things as well. why would you want to live such a numb, selfish, value-less, empty life?
another thing... the measure of a man (or woman) is what he/she/it does with power. it's a 2-way street when you're a gold digger. you're using your power to manipulate people to give you what you want, but don't deserve or need. so that's a measure of a gold digger - a worthless manipulator. but also at the same time, there are gold diggers who are powerless. the richie buys the digger trinkets to keep her/him happy so they can have hot monkey sex all the time...but in essence, the digger is being BOUGHT, kept, sedated. in this case, the digger is *powerless*, but has delusions of grandeur and power...which makes the digger stupid AND kept.
being a digger has no benefits. i don't care if you drive a bentley that your richie bought you, talking into your diamond-studded iphone, wearing your Fendi belt, carrying your Chanel bag. to me, you're a waste of space, and you need to go away in order to make room for people who actually contribute to society.
sorry, i live in LA and i see it altogether too much. makes me eyes burn. i need to move!
the reasoning makes sense (for both male and female gold diggers), but the reasoning is self-centered and pathetic, imo.
how sad.. maybe he just doesn't know any better.. later in life, hopefully sooner the better, maybe he'll learn and get a chance to redeem himself..
it's hard to not be somewhat of a gold digger, because money is a big factor in how attractive someone is to you, no matter what you say.
I still don't understand why your friend does that. I mean, don't people usually gold dig when they want to marry someone rich?
I think the whole idea is wrong, though. You should go out with someone because you like the person, not because of his/her money.
I think it's okay when both parties know exactly what each is doing. It is NOT okay when one party is out to ''sell'' themselves and the other is actually falling for them.
I do know a little golddigger but I would rather not talk about that :/
I think this whole "two wrongs make a right" mentality is silly. Following that line of reasoning, if one person has the right to be a moron, then so do you. But see, where's the benefit? We just end up with two morons, instead of one moron and one smart person. But whatever...
Anyway, as most people do, I'm sure, I think golddigging is dumb. It's for people who are too lazy, too selfish, or too opportunistic (which I guess is a little of both) to take care of themselves. They spend their time manipulating others so they won't have to man-up (or woman-up) and be independent. I met a guy like this a few years ago, only he was a more pathetic version: instead of being just a gold-digger, he was essentially a LEECH. He literally just lived off of either his friends or his girlfriends and when one person either was no longer able to or chose not to continue supporting him, he just found someone else to mooch off of. Personally, I think he's a jerk.
Why is it ok to be physically attracted or mentally attracted to someone but not be attracted to their accomplishments or wealth?
On the other hand, I think it's dishonest to date someone just because of their money and pull the wool over the other person's eyes knowing that they want a serious relationship with you. If everyone knows what's going on and is ok with it, then I don't have a problem.
I really think it's the insincerity that people object to.
Xo
i know PLENTY of chicks that are and would like to BE gold diggers. and I know PLENTY of guys that would shut them broads down in a heartbeat. lol then again, my city's not too nice. I don't think it's wrong for a guy to be a gold digger. I mean, if he see the same "advantages" that other women that do it see then hey, float his boat! I hate being brought to my door after a date so I don't know how these women do it. Its the world of cougars and sugardaddies out there. Wonder what percent of the economic population they make.