This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.A Datingish
blogger
recently posted her experience on a singles dinner. The idea of it is
intriguing - getting to meet few different people at the same time. Her
experience seemed to be a good one and she even mentioned she would
possibly try it again.
It reminds me of scenes from Hitch and
The 40 Year Old Virgin - to be able to do that takes a lot of confidence
and ability and it's always a nerve wracking experience for the movie characters. I've always wondered what exactly goes on when you out on a
first date. Are you selling yourself or buying what someone else is saying?
This
past weekend, I had dinner with a girl I met at a bar the previous
week, and I wanted to let her do most of the talking.
I wanted to sell myself by buying what she had to say, and it worked like a
charm. She did most of the talking while I responded to the
questions and made comments about her stories. Slowly she became more
interested in what I had to say, but I made sure my responses were
short, leaving her wanting more.
At the end of the night, I knew
everything about her and she was still wondering about me. Now, that
could have gone either way. She could have easily thought that because she didn't
know anything about me, there wasn't a point in going out on a second date.
Instead, she wanted to see me again, but this time she wanted to know more
about me. I didn't have to reveal much to get a second date, just made
sure I was buying what she was selling.
Buying and selling are key when it comes to dating; buying is
important because many times you can sell yourself just by doing so.
But if that doesn't work you can always turn on the charm and sell
yourself to her. Maybe she's the one looking to buy.
When you date, do you buy what the other person has to say or sell yourself to them?
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Comments (19)
I've noticed that I'm always the one to do more talking. And I can't really handle awkward silences silences, so I tend to fill them up with chatter. If the guy I'm with is quiet I try to ask him questions but if he's replying with one-liners, then I'm thinking "great...even the waiter is making more of a conversational effort" as well as how much longer I *have* to stay on the date.
But that's just me... *shrugs*
For me, I like to have things to be mutual, we're both doing the same amount of talking. If I talk too much and he doesn't say much, then I feel stupid and that I'm just babbling too much about myself. If he talks too much and I don't, I may look like I'm uninterested and a snob to him. In the end, I rather just go with the flow.
i'd rather be the buyer (listener), but sometimes you have to do the talking or "selling". it really depends on the person you are trying to meet
I never really thought of that.
Xo
I buy, I guess.
I like hearing people talk about themselves, you know, up to a point.
Lol my girlfriend does most of the talking. It's usually mutual or she talks more, but I like to hear what's going on and just comment. Likewise, she likes to hear what I have to say just sometimes, I can't really express myself so I listen.
I think I'm usually the buyer. I don't know about romantic relationships though...I'm the buyer whether I'm talking to a friend or someone I'm interested in.
I think I do a bit of both. It really depends on how things are going with that person.
You're overthinking...Just go and have a good time...
while a little uncomfortable with the metaphor, I would have to say it's a balance. Both of us are trying to "sell" ourselves, in that we want to share who we are and have the other accept it. But we also need to take time to "buy" what the other one says. That's how I try to approach it. If I feel like I'm doing all the selling and he isn't reciprocating then I wonder if he doesn't know how to have a conversation or develop a relationship with someone.
I probably "sell" too much. I'm a buyer too, but then I tend to sell a lot back... maybe I should just sit back and relax :)
I try to balance it out. I guess I prefer to buy more than sell. Because a lot of the time when I sell and I don't see them trying to sell it comes off as they aren't interested, either that or they aren't buying what I am selling or they aren't buying it in a way that makes me feel like a respected customer . . . .
Ok that got confusing fast. Essentially, I want them to at least give the impression that they are interested. I could careless who buys or sells, if they are gonna buy, buy in an interested way. If they are gonna sell, sell it in an interesting way. I adjust to the person I am with and go with it. Problem is it always seems like I am more interested in finding out about them than them finding out about me. At that point it just seems like you are going out with a lonely, bored person. So my advice, if you are on a date seem interested and it will work. If you don't it shows. Forget the buying and selling. Just work on selling to them that you are interested.
I'm not sure I'm crazy about the whole buying/selling correlation because it makes it sound too much like a run-of-the-mill business transaction. Why not take all the strategy, gaming out of it and just let what happen's happen? I'd rather we both just talked instead of worrying over "letting him talk more this time" because then it seems too ... planned. Where's the fun in that?
On a first date, I guess I'm the customer looking to buy (or get my money back, lol). I prefer to let the guy do most of the talking and "sell himself" to me. I've learned that you can learn a lot about a person by just observing them. I observe how often and how successfully he attempts to draw me into the conversation, how gentlemanlike his behavior is, the kinds of things he talks about, how he responds to my statements/behaviors/reactions/social signals. I can definitely tell how the relationship will go (or how soon it will end!) just by what happens in those first few hours.
definitely quid pro quo. It's more of round one in a series of interviews ... So I guess that makes me a buyer?
Like LadyMaleka, I have a real intolerance to awkward silence so when that happens, I tend to make myself be the one who does the talking to fill in the conversational gap. I definitely do not like people who just give one-liners, I mean, who does? I'd just feel like there was no chemistry between us and just won't bother to go out on future dates.
Why play games when you could just be yourself? Please! No more of this calculative playing hard-to-get mind game crap! :(
...but thinking about it, I'm probably a seller, but it depends on what the person sells as well because at the end of the day it depends if i do buy what the guy is selling you know. this buy/sell theory can be interchangable after all :)
Girls usually talk too much. It's normal and not necessarily bad. o_O. I'm a gal and I like to talk...
Anyway, this post reminds me of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"...the first step in getting someone interested in you is being interested in them.
I have learned to ask people questions and try to make good conversation (without always talking). However, if I was in that girl's place, I would feel bored if the guy wasn't sharing enough of himself. At least if he initiates the questions and responds...it would interest me.
One of my communication peeves is ALWAYS initiating. Not hot.
~daal;sdkj tapioca miLk~
I sell myself to people.And i've realized on every occasion that i do, they buy. (:Â
but i'm not a conversation hog. i buy too. ahaha