This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.What do you do when you're not allowed to go out with someone because of what you believe in?
They knew it would be hard on them - their parents had made it clear where they stand on dating people outside of their religion, but they couldn't stop. Instead, they saw past it and hid it from their parents.
I'm sitting having lunch with a few classmates, and I overhear this story. It was this guy I had seen in the gym numerous times - we always played ball against each other but never really talked. He was always loud and crazy, but now, he was extremely calm and inconsolable as he talked about the problems he was having with his girl. His friends were just staring at him as he poured his heart out.
He didn't know what to do when they both applied for school; she was planning to go to another school and he didn't think it was fair to ask her to transfer to his university.
These two went to different schools but always made sure they kept in touch and saw each other during the weekends and holidays, but it was getting more and more difficult as their parents started to wonder where they went on breaks.
They decided to meet each other's parents, and that's where the trouble began. Her parents took some time, but they accepted someone outside their religion. His parents didn't approve; they couldn't figure out why it was so hard for him to find someone within his religion. They didn't want him dating someone "whose people were destroying [theirs]". They were the same people they had to flee from in order to have a better life. This conversation was getting really interesting and I wanted to keep listening, but class was about to start in a few minutes and I had to leave.
I never did get to hear what happened between him and his girlfriend but I did find out he was a Muslim kid from Palestine. We played again in the gym one day and I just happened to ask his name and what country he was from. Based on that, the assumption was his girlfriend was Jewish. It must be extremely tough to fall in love with someone outside your religion and have people tell you it's wrong to date or marry them.
Have you ever had to deal with inter-religion dating? And if one person in the relationship had to adopt the other's religion, would you give up yours?
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Comments (48)
I'm glad to be non-religious and live within in a non-religious family. To have pressures on me by my family telling me what I can and can't do I simply couldn't handle. My folks would have to stuff it and let me live my life, or part with me.
And if they were good parents, they would stuff it.
I am a Vendant Yogi, which isn't much of religion as much as it is a spiritual naturalism. That being said, I used to have a MAJOR thing for Christian girls, which usually just left me messed up in the head. Until I realized when they talk about God, they talk about something they understand differently than I do - rather than God referring to the spiritual oneness that stitches the fabric of existence together and exists in the space, they are talking about some masked spirit in the sky that subtly manipulates our environment so that we can espouse magical thinking.
Religion is irrelevant, but the spiritual path you are on, and the sort of understanding of the world that you carry, is everything in understanding your significant other. If two people can vibrate on that same wavelength, then fuck it, who cares what religion they associate themselves with?
By the way, your friends parents obviously don't understand that their Muslim boy and a Jewish girl falling in love is the solution to the Israel-Palestine problem - the recognition that we all belong to one human family, and can love each other for who we are as individuals, will heal the hatred between the two self-identified groups. They should be proud.
My SO is a Muslim and I am a Catholic and things do get complicated because we have kids. Also when I met him he was more relaxed about his religion (he drank alcohol and he didn't mind eating meat that was not Halal) but once kids came he was more worried about it. I think its tough at times, like he will buy the meat in a special place and sometimes its hard to come up with vegetarian meals when he didn't get the meat and hard at the beginning getting used to the whole ''no pork'' rule. But it is okay now. I think its harder in terms of everyday life rather than the big issues. Its hard on the families I think because they expect certain traditions and things to be passed on. We both have had to compromise. I think its harder when you add families to the mix.
I was raised Christian and dated an atheist, which upset my parents even though I'm not exactly Christian anymore. I can kind of see it from their angle, because I know that their intentions are good. But at the same time, they were never exactly friendly toward my S.O. which I resented. It caused a big rift between my parents and me.
I personally haven't- but I don't have much religious variation around where I live. Catholic or Protestant is about it. With the handful of exchange students for a year of Buddhism, or the rare Muslim. Atheism to- but that's not really a religion...
But My parents never forced religion on me... and I'm not very religious. I think my only problem would be anyone way to strict with their religion. I don't do strict, zealous worship. Maybe a relaxed jew, or muslim, or buddhist... or anything would be fine.
i'm a christian and i've never had to deal with inter-religion dating simply because it's extremely important for my significant other to be christian as well. my parents never really enforced this... and it was only when i began to take my faith seriously that this became important. when i was in middle school and high school, religion didn't play a significant part in my life (even though i called myself a christian), so that was reflected in the types of guys i crushed on... i didn't care if they were christian, atheist, muslim, buddhist, whatever. but that has changed after recommitting myself to christianity.
i just think it's SO difficult to be dating someone if such a big part of your belief system is completely different from each other. however, if you're lax about your religion, then i think anything is fair game, and i don't think parents should be the ones forcing anything upon their children. let 'em decide what their faith is, how (and if) they practice it, and who they date.
I personally wouldn't date someone outside of my religion. But that's my own personal conviction... not something forced upon me by my parents.
Although I don't think people have to be EXACTLY alike to date, I do think there are certain things that they need to agree on. Religion is one of those things. But, that's just my humble opinion.
Xo
Never really fretted too much about this. With the exception of zealous and/or fundamentalist people, I have no major issue with their religion/culture/beliefs.
I wouldn't be attracted to zealots in the first place.
[Basically, Goes To Church: Okay. Insists On Labeling Everything As The Direct Providence Of God: ...I'll pass.]
I'm atheist, he is Christian, things work out fine between us. His mom... meh... but us, it is fine.
i hope it'll work for me and him...and he'll see the light...so to speak... :)
My best friends parents were actually in the same situation. Both opposite religions, and their families refused to accept them as a couple at first. But it took the test of time (years together before they were able to marry), their love towards one another, and determination that kept them together and eventually allowed them to marry and build a life together. I think that if two people are right for eachother, nothing will stand in the way. If it is difficult, it does not mean that it is impossible, it just means that it takes more time, effort, patience and belief that their love is worth it. True love is not easy to find. But when we find it, we had better hold on to it. Her parents are a perfect example of two people coming from different faiths ...yet love kept them together for all this time. And to this day they are in love like they were when they first fell in love. Now if some body told them that their love was not worth it and they listened, they would have missed out on a lifetime of true love, happiness and the priceless opportunity of building a family together.
If two people are right for eachother, nothing will stand in their way...because true love is worth compromise...
whatever needs to be done, it should not be an issue if they feel their love is worth the work.
I'm agnostic, dating a non-practicing catholic.
Our only real issues involve all the damn idolitry he wants to put up in our home. I don't want Jesus in our living room, I don't want San Pedro candles in the kitchen.
Otherwise, we're happy to spend Sundays watching tv and sleeping in.
"Don't ask of others of what you would not ask of yourself." That's essentially a quote that I live by and a quote that I believe everyone else should. It is unfair to ask your SO to change their religion for you if you are not willing to do so yourself. My bf is Catholic and I am Jewish. Neither of us are religious, but neither are planning on giving up our faith to switch for the other. We respect each other and believe that if we were to have children someday, it would be best to allow them to decide which faith to follow. As for wedding ceremonies, I have heard stories of some very beautfiul inter-religion ceremonies involving officials for both religions. It is challenging to have a relationship involving different religions when it comes to the holiday seasons and family gatherings, but if you truly love a person, their religious background should not play a very large role. But of course, that's just my opinion.
when i was younger i thought i'll marry whoever loves me..
when i got older i thought i'll marry a jew
now i'm dating a christian and my parents aren't super thrilled but hes the best man i've ever dated....
i know kids will make things kinda crazy for me. basically i think its important to give yoru kids something--spirituality, religion etc
we'll just have to see how it works out
religion has never been a big aspect on my life as well as the guys
i date. my only boyfriend was a roman catholic and im agnostic but his
religion never really got in the way. he never really even mentioned
religion and thats great because i cannot stand people who talk about
God all the time or tries to impose their religion on others. religion
is really the last thing i look for. it doesnt matter what religion my
future mate is- love sees no color, religion ,age etc.
I'm a Christian and dated a Zen Buddhist for a while; our families were fine with it. However, our conflict resolution styles were so different, it was almost impossible to communicate at all - we didn't last long.
I'm glad I don't have to worry about such things since I don't care about religion. I also certainly wouldn't want to be converted either. I just want someone to accept me for who I am, and I'll do the same.
so far i've dated within my religion, but i dont think my parents would have much of a problem with it considering they aren't of the same religion themselves...
my main issue is dating within my own race...
I am not exactly religious..more like spiritual, and kind of a fatalist. I don't care what religion an SO would pursue, but I would take issue if he wanted me to adopt his before he would marry me.
Of course, i would probably raise the kids Catholic or something. Let them figure out their own religion later.
Although...always have had a thing for Muslims hahaha can't explain that..
I am not very religious, but I do not think that I would change my religion for someone. Of course, I would not let my religion affect my other half. Religion is a personal choice and as long as they teach good morals, I don't mind.
I have dated someone who is not in my religion and whose parents did not agree with him having a relationship with me. It was hard and sneaking around to meet each other really took it's toll on me (not on him, because he was the one scared of his parents so he has a driving force, but I was thinking..."this has got to stop!"). In the end, we broke up because it got to a point where he wouldn't even greet me in public because he's too afraid that someone would see him and report us to his parents. It was a bad experience...and I would never ever do it again.
My parents don't even want me to marry outside of Catholicism. Protestants need not apply, according to them. I'm open to dating all Christians though, but it'd be hard for me to be with someone outside of Christianity.
@tequila_sky@xanga - I'm a Muslim and my ex was Buddhist. Well! that relationship didn't last very long. My parents eventually had to put their foot down and said, "You are not marrying this man if he isn't converting into Islam." And that's that.
@Southeast_Beauty@xanga - wow so sorry about that. We are still together after 8 yrs and three kids. I guess it really does depend on how open the families are. We both live in a different country from where our families are living so we don't exactly have to deal with it until we go visit ^^ And I guess too that we are way more open because of our experiences.
@haloed@xanga - I know problematic kids from non-religious families, I don't understand how atheism makes them so irresponsible and self-absorbed, but it is clear that they do not care about morality and spirituality, and they nearly hate everything in the world. They are deceptive and they live like beasts. That's funny, but of course, the world consists of many types of people and everyone has different values and attitudes to things. It depends. Some simple-minded people simply want to go to the Heaven so that they obey all the rules written in the Bible. Some people are mature enough to realise that the only way of survival is harmony, humans help each other to live, this is team work. Since ancient humans were not comparable to many other beasts if they did not group together, so that each member can defend each other.