Tuesday, 12 August 2008

  • Getting to REALLY Know Him Before Getting Friendly

    By Miss Double Shot

    I bought Catch and Release at Blockbuster - it was one of those fabulous four-DVDs-for-$20 deals and I was glad I spent the $5 on what I assumed would be a boring chick flick.

    In what is arguably my favorite part of the movie, Gray (played by Jennifer Garner) tells her man of the moment that she and her girlfriends had made a promise to each other: before they slept with a guy, they'd have to know his mother's maiden name. And while it sounds silly or contrived, I think the overall idea is a good one - you should get to know someone pretty intimately - down to obscure details - before you get friendly. It brings up an issue of accountability that I think a lot of people don't particularly care about anymore.

    movie spoiler in white: she does learn his mother's maiden name, they sleep together and live happily ever after

    So here are my questions:
    -Do you know your SO's mother's maiden name?
    -Do you have any sort of accountability check to make sure you aren't being rash when it comes to sex? How well do you need to know a person before you sleep together?
    -Do you take sex seriously, or are you cool with casual encounters?

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Comments (25)

  • awokenfatality@xanga

    I take sex seriously seeing that I'm still a virgin. It's not like I'm waiting for marriage, I'm just waiting until I'm ready and have found someone worth while to um...yeah...
  • n3ssaac@xanga

    i don't usually know my SO's mother's maiden name, but i do wait awhile before getting frisky. i usually wait at least a week to kiss someone and three weeks to have sex. that may not seem like a long time, but it feels like it.
  • UnVolume@xanga

    - I don't think I know her maiden name
    - I never thought of having some kind of accountability check but then again I know I'm not going to hop into bed with just anybody
    - I think I take sex seriously, again I'm not going to hop in with just anybody.
  • tialoca_talks@xanga

    you make me laugh out loud...accountability checks so you know you aren't being rash about sex? hahahahaha  and why use euphamisms like 'sleep together' for sex?
  • JessxMaxine@xanga
    I take sex serious. Which why I'm still a virgin. I would have to know and fully trust someone before going there and I would feel this way even if I wasnt a virgin.

    Xo
  • forgottenrevelations@xanga

    I really don't see how a maiden name helps with anything.  If you know them, you know them.  If you don't, there's plenty of ways to learn their mother's maiden name without knowing anything useful about them.


    WIth respect to accountability checks, nope.  Not a one.  Granted, that may be because I don't sleep with people I don't know.  Same holds true for casual encounters, e.g. none.
  • moritheil@xanga

    You are really going to get the full range of replies on this.
  • TheCheshireGrins@xanga

    I take sex seriously. For myself, I think it's important for me to know who I'm sleeping with. I have to have some sort of trust built up with the person. Trust can take different amounts of time with different people and I don't believe in putting a deadline on any relationship that I am in.
  • john@xanga

    isn't that one of the questions they use to verify bank accounts... mother's maiden name?
  • AGraceB@xanga

    I'm not into chick flicks, or Jennifer Garner much either, but I really, really like that idea. I mean, I'm sure if I said it to a guy he could just tell me his mother's maiden name, but I like that it implies that you really do want to know someone before you sleep with him. Which is what I believe.

  • La_La_Nancyiee@xanga

    @awokenfatality@xanga - yea, you should wait. I wish I had waited, because the guy ended up to be a complete jerk. 
  • la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga

    Yes, I know his mother's maiden name.  He was raised by his maternal grandparents so it'd be absurd if I didn't know that.
    what I don't know is her CURRENT last name.  But I don't think he knows that, either (don't ask).
    But my only accountability clock is whether I feel ready or not.  Sure there's some rational laundry list somewhere, but really, it's a matter of my intuition as to how the relationship is and how long it will last.  I haven't been wrong yet.
    And yeah, I'd say I take sex really seriously.
  • spectraredz@xanga

    I do know my MIL's maiden name. I waited 2 weeks before having sex with my now-husband, but we had also been talking for 3.5 months prior and getting to know one another. I dont think casual encounters are something exciting. I ended up having a 1 night stand at 16, which I had no idea would turn out that way. It basically turned me off to any type of "casual sex".

  • jemaigrirai@xanga

    I knew my husband's mother's maiden name before I married him, and I married him before I slept with him.
  • gapeach@xanga

    LOL i know my bf's mother's maiden name bc it's part of his ridiculous long middle name (he has two middle names) but i haven't met his parents yet.  WEIRD!
  • XxNoLifeKing_AlucardxX@xanga

    I'm not really in a relationship, but I've been talking to someone who's really something! =] I don't really know her mother's maiden name, but as far as sex goes, I wanna wait till marriage. Call me old fashioned, but I don't believe in just having casual sex for no reason. Sex is a form of pleasure, but I think you can make it more meaningful than just that.

  • XxDead_SithxX@xanga

    I know my SO's mother's name, and I get along with her family pretty well. I'm not planning to have sex 'till marriage. We've both agreed on it, and there might be temptations. But, I think it's way better to wait in the long run.

  • EccentricSiren@xanga

    I take sex fairly seriously. I don't have sex until we have been together for awhile and I feel it's right. In my last relationship, it never felt right. I guess I just don't want to have the whole, "I wasn't really ready, we can't do this anymore" conversation any more than I have to. It's awkward. I want it to mean something when I do it, not just be another fun thing. I want there to be something special that I only share with someone I truly love.
  • ashleyannaka@xanga

    I do not have an SO, but I did at one point know my ex's mother's maiden name. If I thought about it for a while, I could remember it. He definitely knew my mother's maiden name though.


    I am waiting until marriage for sex, so therefore, I will definitely know the guy I sleep with pretty darn well (hopefully... if I'm marrying the dude!). Obviously, this means I take sex very seriously.
  • thinfriendxxo@xanga

    I've known my best friend for over 5 years and still don't know his mother's maiden name...

    I have no set rules - just that when the time is right it's right.  I do take it seriously - I wouldn't have casual sex but I don't think I'd wait before knowing every inane detail before engaging...

  • DrmChazed@xanga

    kudos! food for thought ...

  • Jes_5@xanga

    I take sex seriously, I will not have sex with someone until I am married to him. No I don't have anyone right now but i have a friend that I have been talking to. I made it clear from the get go that I would not have sex before marriage. I don't think we as humans should follow all of our desires no matter how good it feels.
  • goodgirl_196@xanga

    I take it pretty seriously considering I've never "done it" but I like the message in the movie... people should know each other *really* well before jumping into the deep end of the intimacy pool. If someone can be that physically and emotionally vulnerable to another person, why not share all the details beforehand? Then you know, or are more likely to believe, that they are attracted to you even when they find out your mother's maiden name is something ridiculous and not just because of whatever happened between the sheets.
  • yourxpaperxdoll@xanga

    Oh I love this post. I'm going through the dilemma now where I'm talking to this guy and we're dating and I know that I don't want to have sex with him until we get into a relationship. But how far into the relationship do I say OK? I don't want him to get into a relationship with me just for the sex... I'm not sure when it's alright. I used to be cool with casual encounters, but I'm not anymore and I want something more serious in my life. 

    I wouldn't wait to know everything about that person, because you have the rest of your time with them to learn these things, but I would like to feel comfortable with them at least.
  • SilentBeauty29@xanga

    Sex is sex. Plays no role in 'love' to me. I lost my virginity at 16, and I hit it and quit it, not him and no, I don't have any regrets.

    Curiosity met more to me than love did, plus at 16 I was in no rush to get into a relationship when I hadn't even figured out exactly what I was looking for, or more deeply, who I was as a person. If I didn't know myself, how could I get to know someone else?

    I believe that I actually feel the way a guy, stereotypically, feels. I grow more accustomed to wanting, or not wanting, to get to know someone AFTER I've already had sex with them.

    I've had my fair share of one night stands, and coincidentally, I'm usually not the one that calls....

    Don't get me wrong, I'm no sex-crazed, fuck for a buck, whore. I'm a sexual being just as you are. I just have different intentions.

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