This is a guest blog submitted by sahar. I don't know about you, but I've always been fond of writing out my thoughts and feelings rather than saying them. E-mail is one of my favorite forms of communication and I thank Ray Tomlinson for creating it - it certainly has made my life much easier.
I'm the type of person that when I'm angry at someone, instead of ignoring it until it goes away, I'd rather confront them about it. So, yesterday, in a rage of fury after cleaning out my closet and finding all my ex-boyfriend's clothes, presents, and letters, I wrote him an e-mail.
Let me give you a little background about this ex:
We dated for about ten months and then one day he decided to stop talking to me. After multiple attempts at communication - I gave up. Until one day, when he finally decided to call. He told me he was seeing another girl while we were together and began to have feelings for her. He decided he wanted to be with her instead, so he moved in with her. His new girlfriend is extremely jealous so she had blocked me on his phone, e-mail, Facebook, AIM, and everything else that involved us communicating. He was forbidden to talk to me.
So, he definitely deserved this horrible e-mail that I sent him. The e-mail wasn't a series of "I hate yous" and "you ruined my life"s, it was more of a thank you for opening my naive eyes to what an unaffectionate disgrace he was. I also let him know that I was doing so much better without him in my life. I didn't expect an e-mail back.
To my surprise, this morning he did e-mail me back. He apologized for everything he put me through and told me that despite the hatred manifested in the e-mail I sent him, it was impeccably written. He asked about my nephew, my family, and if I wanted to meet him to kick his butt.
Well, now I just feel guilty for insulting him so much.
Should I meet up with him to finally get an explanation for his behavior? Should I send him an e-mail back? What would you do in my situation?
Comments (51)
It was disgusting what he did to you and I would not want to see his cheating face again, but if for some reason you wish to remain friends with him.. You should meet up and try to reconcile things.
It seems like you have very little closure with this relationship, so I would, if I were you, get together to talk to him that one last time. Don't expect some amazing explanation for why he let another woman completely control his life (cutting you out of it). You never know, maybe it will help, or maybe it will stir up a lot of stuff you've finally repressed....walk with caution and do what you think is best for *you*.
sounds to me like you are a crisis junky...let it go for heaven sake...
I would delete his e-mail and never look back.
Honestly, there is NOTHING GOOD that can come out of meeting up with him again or continuing the conversation. You shouldn't have sent the original e-mail, but now that's done, just stay away. This guy is BAD NEWS.
If you're really doing that much better without him, then you don't need to keep e-mailing him and stay in contact.
Closure is so important, if you feel like you've had your closure, then don't meet him, otherwise...go for it!
Xo
you should NOT feel guilty. >:O He deserved every insult you gave him and if you really do meet him up... make sure he explains himself and squirms like a worm before you forgive him/let it go... I don't know but I also advice you not to go back or become friends with him. Hopefully things will turn out for the best (for you)
It seems that he's sorry for what he did to you and has learned from his mistake, so he hopefully won't do this in the future to another girl. However, it sounds as though the two of you would never work out again. You're doing well without him. Don't bother sending him a response. Concentrate on finding someone instead who doesn't need this sort of experience to learn that cheating isn't cool.
If that is what you want then do it, but don't let him sweet talk you back into your life after what he did.
I think you should try to get an explanation for his actions via email. I would also probably blow off at least most of the questions he asked you.
If a little bit of email communication goes well then you can consider meeting him to discuss things.
i was in a similar situation. i contacted my awful ex and we were going to meet up. i flaked out twice since i was too nervous. one of the times was when he was outside my apt and i didn't pick up my phone. i'm sure he really hates me now. i wouldn't go out with him again. it's all bad.
stay away from him, move on or you'll get sucked back into his games.
I've wanted to do this before, but realized that nothing good would come out of it. Nothing he could say would change things. If you feel that you got the closure you needed, then good, be done with him. If you still have questions and want to ask them, and are prepared for the bitter truth...go for it.
This guy sounds a lot like my ex...he was very unconfrontational. I know that if I had sent him an e-mail like this, I would have gotten a response that tried to defuse everything, and would have been "all the right words". Smooth talkers know how to do that, it's an art.
Just do what you feel is best for you and what you think you can handle.
I agree with Jertle. Stay away from the guy. Don't send him a response and don't agree to meet him
Sometimes silence is much more effective than words.
Why do you feel guilty? He left you without a word! And the whole 'she made me block you so I couldn't!' is bullshit. Cos really, he couldn't use a damn payphone? Or set up some one-time-use-only email account just to let you know? Whatever.
Sounds like you could use some closure, and your email to him was prolly just as eye-opening as his abrupt departure, but the fact remains that he lied to you when you were together. He didn't tell you about the other girl. If you can do a meet-up (wait, isn't the psycho jealous other girl going to be stalking him later?) with the understanding that he is a liar and a cheat, then I'm all for it. Ask your questions, get your answers, and move forward.
Good luck.
the only way you should meet up with him is if you need it. He left you in limbo and you have moved on...I think you should keep moving on...but if you need this do it. Just figure out why you need it. Don't do it for the wrong reasons.
Stick true to your word! You're good without him.
If you didnt know him and read that about someone else's guy, do you think he even deserves another meet-and-greet with you?
Plus, that would make the current gf even MORE on his case, so I think what is best is to let it go and leave it in the past.
Keep this buried!
i wouldn't meet him. what for? you already know why he did what he did. unless you are totally sure this will just be a normal meeting and NOTHING MORE.
Go for the closure. Vent, bitch, physically abuse him if you need to, he deserves it. You don't want to let it go and then look back and think 'I shuold have asked him why'.
Eh... let sleeping dogs lay. What would you really get out of meeting up with him? More hurt and heartache probably. It's not good to continue to put yourself through something like that.
He's doing reverse psychology.
He cheated on you. That's enough.
You don't need to feel guilty about anything.
No need to feel guilty about what you said in that e-mail. That's what you felt and it was an honest assessment of the situation. Honestly, the guy sounds lame. He says that his girlfriend is really jealous and was forbidden to talk to you, but yet he's still with her. Obviously the guy is a bad judge of character and does not deserve any sympathy. He put himself in that position.
If you sincerely feel that meeting up with him will provide closure, I don't see the harm. However, he doesn't sound like a very honest guy and he'll probably just make excuses to justify his actions. The guy sounds kinda sketchy in my book, so I'd be wary.
don't deign to respond; he'll find a way to make you feel worse about it. plus, he's got no spine for letting his new girl run all over him. waste of time.
Don't let his sweet funny side fool you.
He's probably just miserable for having a crazy ass bitch for a new gf. You're better off without the both of them.
Stay away!