This is a guest blog submitted by melsie.
My friend Lisa got dumped by her boyfriend of two years yesterday.
She would always tell me that she felt like she was putting a lot more into the relationship than he was, but she never had the confidence to break up with him. The day before she broke up with him, she was fired from her job and last week, her car broke down. The past few months have had one problem after another, but she thought that at least she would still have her boyfriend to lean on through all that.
She's beautiful, smart and caring, but her boyfriend only saw her as a weekend fling. I'm not kidding...he would ONLY get together with her for two days a week, but yet somehow it was considered a relationship. He didn't even tell his kid (who was born to a different mom) about her. He would also frequently receive calls from his ex, but yet he promised Lisa that she was out of the picture.
My friend was okay with the two day thing and not knowing his kid up until last week....*cue the Jaws theme song*
Last week she innocently asked both BF and his son to go out on a picnic date with her, and two days later he texted her that their relationship was over. Whoa! He didn't even call her to hear her voice.
Now she thinks that no guy will want her because she's jobless and doesn't have a lot of self-confidence at the moment.
Can this even be considered a relationship that she was in, even though they were both exclusive? Have you been in a situation where your boyfriend/girlfriend didn't want you to meet his/her family and let you fully into his/her life?
And last, have you ever broken up with someone over email/text?
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Comments (111)
I totally have been there, the texting thing. I spend most of my time jobless due to my flagrant disregard for authority and the fact I do NOT respect or show respect to anyone who shows me none, so I also understand being jobless. What makes her a good girlfriend is if she is loving, loyal, and friendly to others. In my opinion, a good girlfriend (for me) would also be very intelligent and street smart.
Everything we do that involves contact with another person is a "relationship", though what you described was not a "solid intimate relationship" but rather a "Friends-With-Benefits Relationship".
Tell her to just seek solace until she has her confidence back. I know how it feels to try to recover from a text breakup. In fact, I was set to propose to mine when she dumped me via text (I found out later she had been cheating on me with my former best friend, who dumped her shortly afterwards).
I have been broken up with via text before. That was the worst. He just said "I can't do this anymore, it isn't working." I have to admit, I was shocked when I received it as it was out of the blue.
I think that is about the worst way to do it. When he happened to me, I made him come over and do it to my face.
break up by text?! that sucks... very uncool.
poor thing.. doesn't sound like this was a healthy relationship at all. but things will eventually turn around.. tell her to keep her chin up.
i remember. one of my "relationships" was like this. no one really knew about me in his life. and he broke up with me with a text message. i remember throwing the charm he gave me for my phone at the wall. i was with my friends...at our hang out spot..and everyone just watched me cry :'[
its really insensitive for a person to do that. i mean, at least have the balls to CALL, if not do it in person.
by text is the worst. by instant messaging is 2nd to worst.
no, i would not call that a relationship. a relationship is when two people are happy and they are fair to each other. that was merely an awkward fling.
i've had my share of them :T
blah
hmm...the person that I've been talking to agrees that I'm gonna meet her family someday...we're just friends, but we both agree there's something there lol..I guess we're in the semi-denial part. still, she wants me to meet her family(close people to her anyway)
Also, there was this girl who showed lots of interest in me, but we were never together. I was never interested like that. She told people that we were together...O.o I don't know why but yea..I guess I kinda broke up ties with her even though I was never with her. I tried to talk to her personally, but she tried to avoid me all the time. I tried calling her, emailing to say that I needed to talk to her..I texted her and nothing. So, weeks after she kept ignoring me, I just told her that I was never interested and so on. I had to email her. I felt bad, but she gave me no choice. I brought it up about 2 months ago again, and I guess she understood but she kept trying to hint about us.
Question: which is worse, text message break up or never hearing from the person again?
my first and only boyfriend i've ever had dumped me throught a text. coward.
to answer your questions, yes, that same guy made me feel like he was shutting me out of his life sometimes, only letting me in a little bit.
It's definitely a relationship as long as she maintained it, despite the fact that the rest of us would be like, "oh, hell, no!" He sounds a little shady, and a lot like the guy I dated who was great to me when we were together, but never wanted me to come visit him, only talked to me online late (or really early) in the day, wouldn't want me to send cards or anything, etc. Come to find out, he was still married, had a kid, and I was the other woman. Loverly.
Problem was, just like she did, I let it go for so long, rationalized his behavior to make it acceptable and was completely devestated when I found out that 'we' weren't as important to him as 'we' were to me.
She's better without him. And unless she plans on being jobless and carless for the rest of her life, she'll find someone else. I promise. (And *cough, cough* to reiterate, a woman's worth is not based on if some guy will accept her, but if she accepts herself.)
@chrispycrunch@xanga - I think never hearing from the person is worse, but text message break ups aren't that much better. I guess he figured that she wasn't worth the gas money he would spend driving 30 miles to her house.
A guy shouldn't look at a woman's assets(financial) if he truly likes her. I do agree that most people wouldn't want to date a "bum".Your friend needs to get back on track though. She can't let some dude ruin her life. I'd never break up through text, email, etc. I gotta be face to face with you as much as it might hurt..it's better that way
She needs to accept herself before a guy can accept her. I'd never break up with a text/email/no face to face unless she ignored me and gave me no choice.
this was a bootie call...why on earth did she see this scenario as a relationship? and no guy will want her because she is jobless?? are you kidding me? she is looking for another, isn't she...people change jobs all the time for crying out loud...and if a guy wouldn't look at her for that reason, well...screw 'em....
@XxNoLifeKing_AlucardxX@xanga - Unfortunately, the guy who dumped my friend didn't even want to get to know or meet her family. She told people u were together? I could see why u had to email her.
@melsie - Yea, I mean when you really fall for someone, you tend to look past the warning signs. She should find her own confidence. She needs to accept herself first so that other people(guys) can accept her regardless of what's going on now.
Yea, she was just making up lies. She was a nice girl, but I just wasn't interested on her like that. I didn't appreciate her advocating lies like that either. She ignored every sort of attempt for me to try to talk to her, so I had to do it.
@tialoca_talks@xanga - She is looking for another, but she hasn't had much luck when it comes to jobs even though she has a Masters. It took her so long just to find the job she was at. She's had better luck with love in the past, but for some reason she was ok with this "relationship."
@XxNoLifeKing_AlucardxX@xanga - Do you know if she that to a lot of other guys? I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone who played games like that.
I think breaking up via text or e-mail is the cheapest thing to do.. and i was called off via facebook (facebook?? WTF?)...
I was pissed.
@melsie - my point is that work doesn't define anyone and if some guy feels that it does, he isn't worth knowing anyhow...i would think someone with a Masters could figure that out...she'll find another job...and, lucky her, she is shed of that loser and can find another guy too...just hope she decides not to be a doormat this time....
Breaking up online or through text just shows the maturity level of the other person. No matter the technology available, there's no excuse for not giving that person the decency of calling or talking in person. I got a message over facebook from my ex. Shows how mature he is *rolls eyes*
No REAL man is going to do that.
I have been in a relationship where i didn't know anyone in his life and I felt like he was ashamed of me...turns out he was. But I don't think it's much of a relationship if his son doesn't know about her for two years! My goodness.
I unfortunately had to break up with someone via the phone. It wasn't a text message, but voice mail. He never answered his phone, and moved across the country. I had to. I wish I could have done it in person or at least had him hear me instead of the voicemail.
@chrispycrunch@xanga - i think never hearing from him is worst. i would rather know than not know.
I'm currently in that situation right now (not the text break up but the not in my life until the weekend thing)...I have never met his parents, his friends or anything. He doesn't invite me when he and his friends are doing something he knows I would enjoy...he simply says that his friends and I are of different "calibers" and I simply wouldn't enjoy being with them. The only time I ever see him is when its convenient for him. I have a similar problem where I don't think I could do better, I suppose, even though everyone continues to tell me I definitely can.
well meeting the son is kind of a big deal. You never know how kids are going to deal with that kind of thing. But breaking up in a text message is unacceptable.
I've broken up through a text before, but only because he refused to answer my calls (I knew he was available because I was just talking to him about 2 minutes prior to me calling him)
I would've preferred to break up on the phone or in person, though.
hmmm I got out of my relationship via email. She wanted to call me and tell me everything but I didn't want to talk to her. That's why she wrote a mail. It's a bit strange, and sad about being dismissed in a such "cold" way but at that time I couldn't afford a conversation with her because I was still very angry with.
I prefer in such way so I could think about it and "listen" clearly to her reasons without having my anger ruling the conversation and, at the same time I could think about my words.
Anyway, I wouldn't wish such way to anybody. Better talk and looking at each other.