This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.Last night, I was out with my friends for a couple of drinks downtown. One of the guys brought two friends from work - a guy and a girl - and I knew him but had never met her before. We were having a good time and I offered to buy both of them a few drinks.
The girl came up to me and asked me why I was buying drinks - "you must want something," she said.
My response was, "I've never met you before, and you're friends with one of my best friends, so the nice thing to do would be to buy you a drink." She couldn't believe it. She went on to say guys have expectations if they buy you drinks. They usually want either a number or to "hook up" with them, she explained.
Ladies, do guys have expectations if they buy you a drink? Guys, do you expect anything in return if you buy a girl a martini?
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Comments (37)
I think a lot of the times guys have expectations if they buy you a drink... even if it's something as small as a dance with them, maybe a phone number, to going back to their place.
A girl on the other hand, doesn't usually (in my experience) buy drinks to get a guy drunk and/or bring him home. Usually it's just to be friendly and have a good time. Though I guess there's the odd few people who do like to be those girls getting guys drunk and having one night stands.
I wouldn't know, I'm not quite old enough for anything of that nature, although a lot (not necessarily all) guys usually seem to have ulterior motives. It could just be guys my age, though, so I could be way off.
No expectations. I just want to be kind.
I assume guys have expectations if they're strangers. If they're friends of friends, then no (so in your case I wouldn't assume that). But just because they have expectations, doesn't mean I have to meet them so I never turn down a free drink.
never bought a martini for any girl but I have bought coca colas hahah and other sodas. I don't expect anything in return it's just a nice thing to do. Also, don't listen to that girl. Maybe she's just used to a different thing...maybe she's gone clubbing too much lol but honestly, I don't find anything wrong with that.
When its friends, I highly doubt it. But not like I'm not dense enough to not know when they do or not.
#1) Girl = paranoid. You bought BOTH of them drinks, not just her. I like to buy friends of friends drinks. It's good form, when meeting new people who are friends of friends to show welcome with your courtesy.
#2) I don't expect anything but a "thank you" nod or a wave if it's a send. It's a way to show interest. I usually won't do it at all, unless she's been giving me the look. If she happens to find me attractive, then she'll likely come over. If not, then my drink send is just what it is -- a gift from me to an attractive woman across the way.
It's also somewhat of a fun thing to do -- thinking of a drink that this girl might like, but may not know exists yet -- based on what she's having, what her style and look is, and the way she drinks. It's always a great conversation starter, when she gets a drink she likes and wants to know what it is. It also shows something about yourself -- a guy who sends over a cosmo is different from a guy who thinks you'll like a vesper (and is right).A word of caution: Don't start sending drinks to every attractive woman in the bar. It makes a guy look sleazy and desperate.
I also really like it when a woman sends me a drink. It's not overly aggressive, and I think it's classy. It's also interesting to see what they think I'm having.
@XxDead_SithxX@xanga - yea, I agree. I've bought girls drinks, and I don't expect anything in return. However, I don't buy drinks to random strangers...so I guess if my friend or whoever I'm hanging out with knows that person, then I might buy them a drink. To go to some random girl and buy her a drink...not my thing so I guess that girl was used to the club/bar atmosphere where lots of people(mostly dudes) buy a girl a drink to get a dance, phone number, etc. I personally don't do that. Lol I can spend my own money on myself thank you unless I'm with a friend.
@the_last_kiss - I agree completely. That's what a drink should be: an acknowledgement that the originator is interested in the receiver with the understanding that nothing was entitled aside from a nod/wave of thanks. Anything else that happens is icing.
I've bought drinks for men that made me laugh or sang well (I frequent karaoke bars) without expectation.
I've had drinks bought for me in appreciation of my singing, cos I'm cute, but I've never left with a man bc of it.
people sure are cynical these days...buying a drink is a courtesy and a way to break the ice...sheesh, why doesn't she just say no instead of making a federal case out of it if it bugs her so much?
@daeshii@xanga - Oh, good reminder too, thank you.
I also buy drinks in Karaoke places for good singers in appreciation for their talent and the entertainment value I got from it.
Though I have to admit, if a woman can sing... whoo boy. There's something about a beautiful voice singing that transcends the physical realm.@tialoca_talks@xanga - I agree. It's just a way to be nice and break the ice. I don't see why every guy needs to have a second ideal behind a drink or a nice gesture.
I don't buy drinks to random strangers. I buy drinks to both guys and girls who are hanging out with my friends, and I don't particularly know them that well. It's just a way to break the ice. Not a huge deal.
I've had random girls buy me drinks. I don't drink, so I just say thank you to them and not get it.
I've never been in that situation, but I wouldn't be expecting anything from someone if I wanted to buy them a drink. To me it was just a kind act and hopefully they would pass it on sometime.
I don't think so, I'd buy a drink to someone just because I'm having a nice time with him/her with no expectations. But about boys expecting something, I learned from my mother that I should accept anything from a guy I'm not interested in.
most of the time
but I seem to always meet just those kind of guys.
If a guy buys me a drink, I'll buy him a drink back.
You give what you get...
@the_last_kiss - Same for me, a man who sings well has my undivided attention!! They are gems among the drunks, indeed!
I'm not old enough to buy alcohol yet, but whenever I do get something for a girl I usually don't expect anything from it. I do it out of kindness and nothing more, especially if it's for someone my friend know.
maybe the other girl likes the guy and thought you were trying to hit on him! Or, maybe she's just rude!
It depends on the circumstances. In this situation, where you were out with friends, and you bought them both drinks, it should have been pretty clear that you weren't trying to score with both of them right there. On the other hand, I think there usually is a little bit of an expectation if you buy a girl a drink. It's not necessarily that you want to go home with her right there, but it definitely lets her know that you want to at least introduce yourself because you're at least a little bit interested. It should be as threatening as this girl made it out to be, though. I know there are bad people out there, but we men are definitely not all predators.
i have no problem buying drinks for my friends. a new friend, well maybe to break the ice and say hey let's get to know each other. she just sounds bitchy. geez.
I assume they have expectations.
Tell that girl not to flatter herself.. You bought your friend a drink. It would have been rude not to buy her one too.
Yes, guys are somewhat interested if they ask to buy you a drink. Otherwise, why would they offer?
I think the situation is different when it's all among friends though. If a friend bought me a drink, I would probably offer to get the next round.