This is a guest blog submitted by sahar.After my heart's been torn apart, I find myself devastated and extremely lacking in self esteem.
So, after a few days of going through my
break up routine (crying, eating pints of ice cream and greasy take-out, puttering around in sweatpants), I finally build up the courage to put on something pretty and go out. And, in a desperate attempt to save my confidence, I have this horrible tendency to fall for the first guy that is somewhat attractive and hitting on me.
Oh, Rebound Guy, I know you too well.
Some people may say that it's shallow to have a rebound guy, someone there solely to make you feel better and possibly make your ex jealous. Other people find comfort in having someone there for them at a time they feel emotionally vulnerable.
Have you ever had a rebound relationship? Does that sort of relationship bother you?
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Comments (37)
They're not all bad.
I had a rebound relationship that turned into a girlfriend for 3 months, who became my best friend for the next 5 years.
Generally though, using someone as a crutch to make yourself feel better after a breakup is not a good idea; when that person feels otherwise about you -- meaning they believe that you are in a relationship with them "for real" and not as a "rebound."
The difference is in DISCLOSURE -- telling your rebound partner that you just got out of a relationship, and that they might be a rebound (though they may not, and it may be a real thing). Let them know where you stand, and let them decide whether they want to stick around or not.
I actually like being someone's rebound guy. It's NOT for the getting laid part either, as most would think. It's because I like taking someone who is hurt, caring for them, being there for them and providing company and shelter for them -- and then letting them go when they want to go, patched up and ready to move on. If it's clear that it's a temporary thing, I'm fine with it. I don't expect anything from them; I just like doing heart-mending triage.
Never had a rebound relationship, and they don't cut it for me. Getting to know someone as a friend is better. I wouldn't look for someone in a romantic way. At least not after I broke up with someone
I don't know if what I'm in you'd call a rebound. I had done my crying and puttering already. It had been three months since my breakup when we got together, though I had been after him for maybe a month before that. It's going good now, and I have grown to love him very much. If it was a rebound, he means more to me than I ever could imagine.
I did have a rebound relationship after my first relationship that lasted four years. Horrible mistake, really. The rebound lasted a little over a year. (I'm surprised it lasted that long.) The problem on my end was that I was still talking to my ex of four years. My rebound's problem was that he was an alcoholic and abuser. Not a good combination. I am glad I got out of that relationship. Never again...
I wouldn't get into a rebound relationship. I don't like using people like that. I'd rather just spend time with my friends, family, or meet new friends...but only friends. If Iater seem to be romantically interested on them, then I'll go from there.
I've never been in one, and I don't think I'll be getting in one. I feel like I'd be using that person. I wouldn't like anyone to do the same to me, so I just wouldn't do it. Like many other people have mentioned, I'd rather just find comfort differently. I don't believe that you need to have someone to be fulfilled. I think I would fine with just being by myself and getting over that relationship that ended.
i've never been in a rebound "relationship" but i had a rebound experience. it depends on the person i guess. but i don't think i could have a relationship with a person because it's unfair to that person yanno. but i don't think it's anything wrong with feeling affection and want after a break up
I've actually been in 2 rebound relationships. One of them lasted for 2 years, and the rebound from that one lasted for about 3. I don't use them at all to try and make my ex jealous, but solely for the company. It's very lonely to get out of a relationship. You go from having someone around you and wanting to talk to you 24/7, to having to deal with the quietness and stillness of single life. Its quite an adjustment. Anyhow, sometimes you can't really control when you start to fall for someone, regardless of how soon it happens. I just go with the flow.
I've never had a rebound relationship myself, but I was one guy's rebound. That relationship was made of FAIL.
Although he told me he was "over her" at first, he admitted was still in love with his previous girlfriend, so we broke up, but then she dumped him again after a few weeks of dating because he'd dated me so soon and she felt she couldn't trust him. Neither could I. He dug his own pit and fell into it. So he lost doubly and wasted my time and hers.
I've been the rebound chick - and it's not fun.
@XxNoLifeKing_AlucardxX@xanga -
I know this is totally irrelevant but Alucard is spelled Dracula...which I'm sure was intentional on your part, I just wanted to say, wow, cool. xD
I have had very bad experiences with rebound relationships.
I have been the product of a rebound and I have seen a relationship occur with my ex as a rebound. The feeling of being replaced so quickly is humiliating, shaming, and unbearable.
Why don't we have enough respect for ourselves and others to not use each other? Granted, some rebound relationships actually work out, but many have emotionally and psychologically damaging results.
After recently ending a three year relationship with someone, it is so hard for me every day to not jump into romance again, like he did. But I know in my heart that the right thing to do is be single with a broken heart ("damaged good" I guess you could say) than throw some poor chap into a relationship with me when I still have baggage.
I suppose I had one a month after my big break up, but my work friends really pressured me into giving the guy a chance cause he "had it for me bad" and he turned out to be the clingiest, most annoying, pathetic, loser pieces of something-related-to-a-male ever.
I am revolted by that person now. So I do not recommend going through with things until you are ready or else you might just get pissed off.
I think that it's ok to rebound. I don't think I've ever really done it (I've done miscellaneous dates after a break up, but not gotten seriously involved). The thing you have to be careful about is that you should be honest with yourself and with the other person - that you just got out of a serious relationship and so they are in all likelihood, a rebound. You also have to be careful because some people throw themselves into rebounds blindly, just because they like having someone and not because they actually like the person.
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - rofl yea it had to do with this show I watched long time ago which was the cause of my xanga's layout and blah blah..basically it involves dracula but he's called alucard so yea lol
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - by the way, does your xanga name have to do with b*witched lol yes I used to listen to them long time ago haha
i guess i don't understand why breaking up with someone lowers your self esteem...and i don't get my self esteem from other people anyway...i get it from doing things i can be proud of...what constitutes a rebound relationship anyway? i'm not sure of that one either....
Oh mannnn...now you got me thinking!!! After my 6 month online relationship with a con artist, I became real close to a friend who had the hearts for me for 2 years. Now we are living together...and I am reading all these comments on how the rebound relationship only lasted very short time frames...RUT-ROH!
One can only work harder not to allow it to happen to me again!
@XxNoLifeKing_AlucardxX@xanga -
Haha no, I just like what it means: That's life.
It's probably the only thing I know in French.
I've never had a rebound relationship nor had to be a rebound girl (that I know of). I wouldn't like to be used.
haha this is rather funny...
my present boyfriend of two years was a rebound relationship...he turned out to be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
however, you should be careful.
<3
after reading most of the comments, i must agree the honesty factor is probably the most important thing. saying things like "oh, i'm totally over him cause he was a total jerk and he did/said things to me that are unforgivable in my book." these types of comments lead you to believe its totally over.
I was suckered into believing that this was true about my ex, and after 3 months of being her rebound she ran back to her ex. I was devastated. =(
i think all my relationships are rebound relationships of the previous bf. i don't think it's a bad thing bc i actually care about the guy. it's just that he makes me forget about the previous.
I prefer a rebound hookup or two in lieu of a relationship. Being put in the position as someone's rebound is in my personal opinion pretty demeaning if they don't realize what's going on.
Rebounding is very, very risky no matter what angle you look at it from though.
I've been a rebound and it was the worst experience of my life. I've also had one... right after that. Karma much? I feel horrible for it.
I think it's terrible to use someone like that. One should get themselves back together and gain some of their pride back before they go out looking for people to make them feel better about themselves.