Tuesday, 05 August 2008
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Single And Doing Fine, Thank You
This is a guest blog submitted by melsie.
It's been 3 months since I've been in a serious relationship, but by the way some of my friends keep trying to set me up with "the coolest dudes on the east coast," you would think it'd been 300 months. I love being in a relationship and the feeling of being in love, but for the first time in a while I'm riding the "single highway" and I think it's creeping some of my friends out.My last relationship ended in a sea of emotional pain, and I'm not ready yet to enter the dating big leagues yet. Why can't I just enjoy being single for a bit without it turning into "OMG! Girl, why aren't you hooking up with anyone right now?"
One of my friends thinks that there is something wrong with me for not liking any of the guys she's tried to hook me up with over the past three months. I told her that I'm really not interested in getting back into a serious relationship right now, and it has nothing to do with the guys she's tried to set me up with.
Do you have friends who feel like they always have to be in a relationship? If you're single, do your friends constantly try and set you up with someone?
And, last, is it wrong to enjoy being single?
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Comments (74)
It's not wrong to enjoy being single, but I think it depends on the reasons behind it. For example, you don't feel the need to be tied down at the moment or you are too busy or something like that. If those were your reasons, then I don't think your friends would be trying so valiantly to set you up with someone.
I'm guessing that since your last relationship ended so badly, you are afraid that it will happen again.
That's just a hunch though.
I've been single for four years, and each year, I'm happier and happier. I've invested a lot on my own growth, and ironically, this has made me a lot pickier. I'm the total opposite of desperate.
being single definitely has its pros. you can take this time to pursue things in your life that you won't be able to if you're in a relationship. for example, if teaching in another country for a year or so if something you wanna try, it will definitely be a harder choice if you have someone waiting for you back home. thats a pretty extreme example...heres a simpler one, clubbing.
Not it's not wrong to enjoy being single. Not at all, it's wonderful to enjoy being single. I split up with my ex in March. The relationship ended okay, we were just completely wrong for each other and didn't know each other well enough beforehand to realise that. Since then I've done nothing but enjoy being single. I can't think of any serious 'Oh dear I am SO single' days or anything. It's just nice to be yourself by yourself sometimes. I want a break before I find someone who is what I want, now that I'm sure exactly what I don't want. Thankfully I haven't had any friend issues with it. You should enjoy being single until you want a relationship.
I think it is completely normal - and healthy - to enjoy being single. I ended a 4.5-year relationship in January, and while I've gone on a few dates here & there, I consider myself single. I am thoroughly enjoying it, since I've used the time to focus on ME and the Big Deals in my life right now - and I'm a much more well-balanced, satisfied, and appreciative person for it.
People (guys in particular) ask me all the time why I'm "still" single. My favorite response is borrowed from someone else: "Being single is a choice." When you're ready to share your time and life with someone else, you will. Until then, enjoy your singledom!
Goodness! I have a few friends that just love to be "in love". They don't try to set me up, but the whole situation of watching them "fall in love" "be in love" and then "need to fall out of love" is quite tiring!
I used to hate being single. Now I don't mind. It's a lot more fun and a lot more free.
I don't really have friends who always feel the need to be in a relationship. Although I do have one friend who hasn't been single for about 2 and a half years. But she's had 2 boyfriends in that time. I think it's remarkable, especially considering she's only 16 now.
THANK YOU! UGH! I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING LOOKED AT WEIRD BECAUSE I CAN HANDLE LIVING WITH MYSELF WITHOUT NEEDING TO FEEL VALIDATED BY A GUY! i'm sick and tired of meeting people who think it's ok to never give their hearts time to heal, i'm sick and tired of encountering dudes who use one relationship to get over the previous and so on and so on till they leave a cookie crumb trail of broken hearts in their pasts simply because living with themselves is horrorfying. i think if you can handle being single (and not just for like a couple of months) you can handle being in a relationship. being single gives you the opportunity to GROW UP with out always being distracted by the complications of a relationship. dating alot doesn't mean you become more experienced in relationships it just means more baggage and drama for the next person to deal with. There is freedom in being single that allows you to learn from other people's mistakes, get your life together and find out who you are without it constantly being defined by who you're dating. and when i say "single" i mean not in a relationship and NOT sleeping around either. geez, i've seen so many people date simply to not feel alone than because they actually loved the person they were with. people are so afraid of standing on their own two feet without using someone else as a crutch that it's quite sad. IT'S OKAY TO BE SINGLE for a while, it doesn't mean you'll never get married or date or that no one loves you or you're not wanted, that's the lie our society feeds insecure girls. take all the time you need to recover, your heart will be in a much better state for your next relationship.
and what's wrong with being friends with someone of the opposite sex? Is it that impossible to respect each other's boundaries? can we give ourselves time to get to know each other without being consumed by lust? can we learn to build real trust and care for each other before we jump into a relationship? can we ever give a damn enough to find ourselves without making it someone else's responsibility? we all want to be loved, appreciated, cared for, no one wants to feel lonely but that doesn't mean we have to be so desperate that we settle for anything that's available, in the end we always end up doing more harm than good to ourselves.
no, it's not bad being single but people around you think you are wierd and sometimes you feel pressured.
Being single is the best time to know thyself, it's also the best time to serve God. If He's has given you the gift of singleness then He won't make you feel empty.
There is nothing wrong with being content with yourself..Although only 3 months? I have been divorced for 13 years.. Yes, I have dated and had boyfriends, just nobody I wanted to live with. After a couple years, I had the same question that you did, and actually went to a psychologist to ask him what was wrong with me. I mean, all of my friends were hooking up almost immediately after a break-up. I am single AGAIN, and have been for over a year. Most of my past relationships started out sexual before we got to know each other, so this time I am going to date someone who is interested in ME. I really do want to settle down now, I mean it is time. but for now, I am happy just being myself.. I don't get lonely, and never did.But when I am in a relationship, I am way too giving. So, take as much time as you need, or want.. Don't get pushed into a relationship just because your friends want you to...
Theres nothing wrong with being single or taking a break after a rough relationship. I actually took a 2 and a half year break from dating once after a hard relationship. I know that seems like a long while, but I didn't feel as if I were emotionally available enough to be in another relationship without becoming emotionally stable, emotionally mature and emotionally ready FOR another relationship. Plus it can be fun not having to be tied to another person.
Enjoy life as it is. To me, relationships is something that you cant rush. Timing also plays an important factor in it. You can crush, date, heartbreak continously but the experiences learnt are the lifetime knowledge.
Oh yes it sometimes irks me when someone keep insisting that I should be with a guy. I lovemy singlehood moments though it has been 4 years now. If a friend ever do that, I rather lose that friend cos I believe a friend should accept me for the way I am.
being single is definitely the way to go.
the idea and prospect of love seems so ridiculous to me.
you are COMPLETELY entitled to feeling however you damn well please and i think it's rather ridiculous for people to try and pressure others into a relationship.
some people just prefer to be alone for awhile and i see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I think being single is a great time to grow as a person and to discover more about oneself. Â It allows a person to have more to give and bring to a relationship and allows time to realize any unhealthy behavior patterns one may have in relationships and to change. Â
Hmm... I've been single for a little over a year now. I've dated 2 guys after the breakup, but it didn't work out with either one of them.
It has taken me a while to get used to not relying on the other person to make me happy. After having been in a 3-year relationship.
At times, I wished I had someone who truly deserved to love me... Right now, I have to be patient. Love will find me when I least expect it. Besides, I'd rather be single than be with any guy.
I think you're handling it great! Very maturely
Oh I know this one girl (I actually have an entry on my xanga about her) who goes from one relationship to another. It's astounding! She's running out of people! In between, a lot of these people she had a boyfriend for 2.5 years (whom, obviously, she cheated on constantly). Basically each guy is a rebound of the last. She seems to go out with each from a few days to a few weeks, and then a few days later somehow finds a new one (I'm guessing mostly through the internet). This year alone (meaning January-August, now) she's had, including her long-term ex, I'd say about 7 boyfriends, though to be perfectly honest I've lost track/forgotten about a few. There's also the fact that I don't think I know of all of them.
i wasnt in a real relationship at all in highschool and looking back, i am so glad that i didn't. i was able to find my self. All my friends..literally are in relationships and they question me all the time why i am not in one. I was never the girl that needed a bf. Being single is fine and I have to say that I am happier than some of my friends that are in relationships. I am going with the flow until i find that right person for me..
The only problem is that it gets REALLY annoying when friends ask me why and want to hook me up. They don't understand that you can be happy being by yourself.
it's not wrong to be single as long as you're not fucking random guys/girls then you would be a whore/slut or in guys cases man whore. that's how disease gets spread from random dumbass single people (some are not all single) that think they can fuck whoever they want. it's DISGUSTING.
no not all single people are like this lol i'm just saying it's not wrong as long as you're not making an ass of yourself.
Great post!
I don't see anything wrong with being single! I haven't been in a relationship for 7 months... and I must say... I'm doing just fine.
It's not common, at least for me, to find a girl who actually enjoys being single. You are definitely one of the rare few. =P
Most of my female friends want to be in a relationship. I ask them why they need/want to be in one and I get the same and unusual response of "because I don't want to be alone." To which I tell them... "you're not alone... you have your family... and above all your friends like me!" And they tell me... "you don't get it."
I guess I really don't....
I have been single for a while..abt 3 yrs since i last ended a relationship with my ex. I have not had people intro me, in fact, i asked people to intro me to other friends of theirs.
there was this period last year i was going out on dates non stop..really dating like crazy...i guess i wanted to get over my ex..then i stopped cos i was so tired of it..and getting to know new people.
I m still open to recommendations of good intended frens, but, many of my friends are not married too so i am not too worried.
I've been single for over a year now, and I absolutely love it. I don't owe anyone anything, and it's incredibly liberating. The last relationship I was in lasted for three and a half years, and I'm not ready to get into anything serious for a good long while. Like many others have pointed out, it's me time right now.
Thankfully, none of my friends ever try to set me up, but the question that seems to follow me around is "So why don't you have a boyfriend?" I never know how to answer it. "Because I don't want one" never satisfies anyone. Oh well. The way I see it, it's their problem, not mine.
It's definitely not wrong to be happy (or at least "ok") with being single. If you are not ready for a new relationship or a new "hookup", then there is no need to push yourself. Besides, it would be unfair to both you and any new partners you encounter if you jumped into something you were not ready for. It would just end poorly, not to mention that the new guy might just be treated as a rebound. If your last breakup was really that painful (I know mine was), then it's only natural that you want to give yourself space and room to figure things out alone.
Don't lose your battle with loneliness and although this sounds cheesy, love yourself enough to figure things out alone. Having another person in the equation will only complicate things and impede your growth. I know that there are a lot of things I have learned from my last breakup that I know I wouldn't have learned if I jumped in with someone new.