Tuesday, 05 August 2008
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Single And Doing Fine, Thank You
This is a guest blog submitted by melsie.
It's been 3 months since I've been in a serious relationship, but by the way some of my friends keep trying to set me up with "the coolest dudes on the east coast," you would think it'd been 300 months. I love being in a relationship and the feeling of being in love, but for the first time in a while I'm riding the "single highway" and I think it's creeping some of my friends out.My last relationship ended in a sea of emotional pain, and I'm not ready yet to enter the dating big leagues yet. Why can't I just enjoy being single for a bit without it turning into "OMG! Girl, why aren't you hooking up with anyone right now?"
One of my friends thinks that there is something wrong with me for not liking any of the guys she's tried to hook me up with over the past three months. I told her that I'm really not interested in getting back into a serious relationship right now, and it has nothing to do with the guys she's tried to set me up with.
Do you have friends who feel like they always have to be in a relationship? If you're single, do your friends constantly try and set you up with someone?
And, last, is it wrong to enjoy being single?
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Comments (74)
You have ALL the right to enjoy being single. I have some friends who are constantly trying to seek for a man or woman to make them feel fulfilled. I honestly don't think that you need anyone to you feel happy. Go with the flow, and if someone comes up, go from there. Some friends think I'm being rather harsh to tell them that they need to find what makes them happy without someone and just go with the flow. I really don't see why you need to constantly feel the need to want someone. I respect you if you want someone, but I just can't understand why you have to rely on somebody to make you happy all the time. Then, because they're always seeking someone, they end up with a broken heart(most of the times). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to shut everyone down.
I'm actually glad that most of my friends don't try to set me up. Some do, but I try to avoid them or I immediately let them know I'm not interested. I also try not to give people the wrong signals and make them think that I'm interested.
the mantra i tell everyone is i'm single with no kids. i want to stay that way, let me enjoy my life. life is much less complicated and drama free thank you.
Nothing wrong with being single honey, you don't need someone to validate your self-worth, happiness.
I'm pleased that you have such a optimistic attitude. ;)
Lol, people try to introduce me, but I look for my own women. I love being single but there are the times when I feel lonely even if I am with someone. But where you live? Maybe we could hook up?
XP I'm just kidding. You're probably too old...
I definitely posted about this very same issue not too long ago, so I'll try not to just re-type it here. My answers are yes, yes, and no! I had a friend from college who was always trying to set me up with random guys, it didn't matter who--anyone she met, saw, knew, or walked past on the street that didn't look like an axe murderer, and she would try to get me his number. It was really irritating, and after a while, it was downright insulting. It was also not the least bit helpful, honestly.
You SHOULD enjoy being single! It's good to do your best to enjoy every part of your life, including the single parts. (I mean, until you're married, most people spend the majority of their life being single anyway--why be miserable all those years?) Singleness is like school, before a test--the time to learn, grow, and discover yourself. Dating is like exam time--whatever you are and whatever you've learned gets put to the test, especially when things get difficult. So live to the fullest, and enjoy life, wherever you're at!
My mom does bother me a lot about why I'm not dating. The truth is that I am [quite a bit] but I just don't feel comfortable telling her about every single guy I meet.
It's been awhile since I've been in a "real" relationship [whatever that is...] and while I'm having loads of fun by myself, I do feel a sting of loneliness whenever I see a couple doing something fun together. As for my friends... I think for the most part they're pretty well off. My one friend always clung on to guys in high school because she just wanted someone, but now she's matured a hell of a lot and is just riding this dating thing out in her own sweet time.
I think a lot of the attitudes about being single depend on what age you are. Right now, it's all cool but I have a feeling that once I graduate college then things are going to start to change when everyone starts heading down the altar...
I think that it is a good idea for everyone to learn how to happy by yourself before you add another person to your life. I truly believe that you are the only one that can make yourself happy. If you are looking for someone else to make you happy then more than likely it will never happen.
I never understood why people think they must be in a relationship to be happy or full. I may be married now but I had to learn to be happy with myself before any of that happened.
I've been a third wheel for most of my life, and it really isn't that bad. Singlehood encourages me to accept myself no matter how bad I look in the morning (lol) and it enhances my sense of "self". Sadly though, my friends think otherwise! They try to hook me up with people every now and then.. but I refuse to take part. lol
wow single for only 3 months and there's pressure from friends already huh. maybe it's not you, but them. perhaps they are just uncomfortable with the idea of people around them being single because they fear it themselves. who knows. or, they really do feel you would be great with one of their guy friends.
anyway, just do whatever makes you feel BEST.
I have dated guys over the past couple of years, but I have always been single in my head. The relationship usually ends when they want me to "commit," whatever that means anymore. I think it's important to be able to be happy on your own. Being single and happy is a rare thing. Don't let your friends pressure you. :D
haha oh god..
i have a friend who always seems to be in a relationship
and shes the one who's always "oh why arent you dating"
Haha. I've been single for close to two years now and even though somedays I admit I think to myself, "Why am I still single?" when it comes down to it, if someone were to come along I don't think my life is in the right place to have a relationship right now. Plus being single gives you more opportunities to pursue things that you want want to do, and learn more about yourself and what you ultimately want out of a significant other. Plus when you are ready to date, date PLENTY, because it's all about finding not Mr. Perfect, but the one that suits you the most.
being single is awesome. no one can harm your independence, at least that's what i know for sure, however, it would be completely fantastic if you are in a relationship with the right person
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"single to mingle"
From my perspective, the feeling of needing to constantly be in a relationship seems to be a largely female phenomena, though I do have a male friend who seems to be like that as well. Many girls, particularly very attractive girls, have constantly had the experience of being pursued by men and thus end up jumping from one man to the next in hopes that they can fill the hole inside of them.
Personally, I think being single is a very natural thing. I don't have much of a sex life, and definately not much of a love life, and I am perfectly fine with it. Honestly, if I met somebody who seemed worthwhile, I would be interested in dating them, but people in general are a shallow species, and I certainly feel no motivation to "fit in" with them, much less plan my life around them. I'm very social and outgoing, and am very much interested in women, but I don't really feel the need to get myself into a relationship.
I mean, look at all the perks. We can go anywhere and do anything we want without some suspicious needy person making our life dramatic. We can save money because we don't have to take some one out on a whole lot of expensive dates. We don't have to hang out around with those annoying people that the person you're dating hangs out with all the time. Life is GOOD when you're single.
I'm not knocking relationships, I just honestly can't see why they're worth having until some one who truly knocks your socks off comes along. So go ahead, enjoy yourself, congratulations on adopting the single lifestyle!
1 - I had friends like that, and I couldn't stand them, so they're not my friends anymore.
2 - They did, but see above answer.
3 - No! It's healthy to feel okay with yourself when you're alone. If you can't feel like a whole person outside of a relationship, you're going to be in unhealthy, needy relationships. Relationships are complementary, not supplementary, that's how I feel about it.
I've never not been single, so I can't really see how being in a relationship is better than being free of them.
I don't think there's anything wrong with being single! I mean, you just got out of a relationship three months ago, why not enjoy having the time to yourself and seeing what else is out there before committing to someone again. Plus, I think it's good to just focus on yourself and the things you want.
I was in a relationship for two & a half years and when he broke up with me, I couldn't even look at another guy without feeling nauseated. The idea of being with someone again was the last thing on my mind. I didn't really have friends that tried to set me up because luckily, they were single at the time too. I was single for about 7-8 months before I was really ready to be with someone again.
I think that for many it can be hard not being in a relationship because they are so use to being in one that its like it is attached to their identity and they feel like something is missing without a special someone. But thats also probably the very reason people jump in and out of relationships like crazy. They are just afraid to be alone ....and even if they are with someone that does not completely make them happy, they would rather be with someone than noone at all. As for me, being single has helped me find myself, and made me realize who I am and what I want and need from a relationship. And that is the best part of allowing ourselves to be alone for some time after a relationship ends.Sadness and break ups are not that bad when we consider that we are able to grow from the experience and bounce back a dozen times stronger.
None of my friends try to set me up. But then again most of my close friends live far away. I don't think theres anything wrong with enjoying the single life. It has its pros and cons to a relationship, and vice versa. It just depends whats important to you at the time and the future.
Being single is fantastic! Relationships are good too, but constantly being in one takes away from a lot of your time for family, friends, and personal aspirations.
Great blog. Have you been reading my blogsite or reading my mind?
here's my thoughts...
or just prior to this entry I wrote one, Its ok to be ok with being single...
I have been single for about nine months now and have no intentions of getting in another relationship any time soon. Like you, I have no desire to be in a relationship at this point even though I love relationships and being in them. My friends fully support this and the majority of my close friends are also single and have been for quite a while as well. Usually if a guy comes into my life, they warn me to be careful and tell me to avoid relationships.
@joshx80@xanga - LOL. I had to laugh at that line. :D
@VersaGratis@xanga - haha...awww, thanks!