This is a guest blog submitted by sahar.If there's one clichéd statement that brings the same frown on everyone's face, it's the dreaded long-distance relationship.
Whether they're four hours or four thousand miles away, the overall conclusion is that they suck.
I was with a guy who moved to California after only two months of our pseudo-relationship. We were still in the
"honeymoon" period
of the relationship, so we decided to test the waters and see if we
could survive the 3,000 mile distance. I don't know what we were
thinking - we were young and we both knew that there was no way the
relationship could last forever. At that time, though, it was comforting to know that he was mine.
The first couple weeks of our distance were excruciatingly painful. He called me every day, he wrote me e-mails and sent me
presents in the mail. I saved up for months to fly across the country to L.A. (as much as I
hated it) just to be with him. After a couple of months, I became
accustomed to his not being around, he stopped calling as much and the
presents and love letters died down. It was almost as if we weren't in
a relationship at all.
Well, four months turned into eight
months and eventually, we were only in a relationship for the sake of
saying that we were. We only saw each other over breaks when he would
come back to New York and I stopped flying to California. After almost a
year of surviving the three hour time difference, he broke up with me
because he found someone else.
It was the oddest break-up of
my entire life - there were no tears or questions. It was actually
liberating to be released from an obviously unhealthy relationship.
Can long-distance relationships work? Have you
ever been in a long-distance relationship, and if so, how did it work
out for you?
Comments (287)
personally, long distance relationships are... silly
mine ddn't work.
In 1 currently, 1 year in, problems that every couple has exist, plus a few more.
I'll just say its not for everyone, but love is love for me.
i was in a long distance relationship for the first 2.5 years (and we're still together)! in my experience, the most crucial factors to a successful LDR are: 1) you were good friends before being a couple. there is already established trust, and you know what kind of person he/she is (no major surprises). 2) you cannot be emotionally needy. you just have to learn to be independent when your s.o. isn't with you 24/7. at the same time, we had scheduled phone calls, webcam "dates", etc. we made sure we set aside time for one another.
i also had an advantage: i was working and had excellent vacation time. so whenever i had the chance, i would fly to see my bf.
Xo
If you've been together for awile in close proximity then someone has to be temporarily located far away...then it can work. Otherwise...probably not.
No way no how do long-distance relationships work!!
My LDR was just three years of living hell.
Personally, I tend to stay away from them. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings when they could be free and begin a new life.
@JessxMaxine@xanga - I agree. I don't think ALL LDR don't work. I personally tend to stay away from them, but I think it's really up to the people involved in them.
I haven't had one, and I'm not planning to. However, I know people who have married after their long LDR, and others who ended up living a dream and get a broken heart. It really depends on the will of the people involved in them.
I've always thought that physical proximity brings two people close. Long distance relationships don't allow you to satiate certain needs, like the need to be hugged or embraced. You also need to have a LOT of trust in your SO. If you can make it work, hey, kudos to you and if you can't, I don't blame you. Try finding someone who lives in your zip code.
long distance never work, my personal experience and people around me all doesnt work.
Me and my current gf been togehter for 1 and half year now, the right after 1 yr of our relationship she had to go back to HongKong to finish her make up artist course and some other business, first she told me she will be only be there for 3 months, i wasnt happy to let her go but i have no choice, its for her career and some serious business and i think i can able to make it for the 3 months. on the first 2 months, we call each other couple hrs a days, send text message/e-mail everyday, it was really sweet even we were apart.
on the third months which she promised to be back, she decided to stay longer to find a job in HK, as her bf, i respect her willing so i let her do it (even i really doesnt want her to stay there for long) starting here, she rarely call, maybe once a week or not even longer, everytime when i try to talk with her, she is been so emotional and doesnt want to talk with me anymore; i do not know who she playing with, where she goes, what she does; i can feel she is changing and i can not do anything about it since im 14 hrs away.
finally half yr after she left, i cant take the depress anymore, i decided to go to HongKong and have a talk with her, i took a week vacation and go back there and i can only met her one day from a week of trip, she was busy and doesnt want to meet me at all, i can feel that. after a night of talk, she finally decided to come back to the state with me after half month ( im still waitting for this half month happen)
during this period, i become very sensetive, emotional, depress, it is already hurt our relationship, if time can be travel/change, i wish i can go back and make sure she doesnt go back to HK, just becuz i love her and love is selfish.
there is many stuff happened make me feel sad while she is away, all the lie, not careing, or maybe betray........
It's really up to the person's will.
Long distance relationships are possible, but not for everyone. Some people need physical proximity to stay attached.. like me! :)
It sucks to be in that long distance situation. It's okay when you have a clear idea of when the long distance part of the relationship will end or if it's going to be long distance for less than a year but if it's neither of those situations it doesn't sound like it's worth it, at least not for me.
I had a gf in Hong Kong too. She didn't make any real afford to come here and expected me to go there and do anything by myself.
I discovered she was mostly interested in marriage more than relationship (?) and wanted to please her family.
It lasted 3 years. three years of dreams and agony. I don't want to repeat it again.
on and off lasted one year. was sweet to know he was mine, but things were awful too. will never do it again
Of course long distance relationships work...but they aren't for everyone.
I was in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend for most of our relationship. We weren't great friends before we dated, but we were friends. We felt we knew each other well enough to carry on with a relationship. I went back to college and at first, we weren't too close, our relationship needed more development, but we started talking EVERY night.
It worked because once in a blue moon, one of us would make a visit and that is how we
formed a super close bond. We would write letters, send cards, myspace
messages, morning texts, and random 2 minute phone calls. We made the most of all of those breaks from school because my major had taken over my life and we were on two very different schedules.
I graduated in May and since then we have been close in proximity. We weren't sure how it would be being that we had been away from each other for the majority of our relationship. We're still going strong!
Just got out of one...we had known each other through work for several years, but didn't start dating until after he'd moved across the country. The time diffierence, his working long hours, etc. made it very difficult. There was no trust built beforehand, so that also made things difficult.
Plus, it didn't help that he had the idea in his head that since we never set boundaries for the relationship, that he was free to do whatever he wanted (a mistake on my part for not asking for boundaries!)
Bottom line...LDR's are hard. If both parties are willing to work at it, and put forth effort, then they can work. The effort can't be one-sided...when that happens they don't work at all and someone winds up getting hurt.
Nope. Tried it twice. One very long distance. One only 4 hours, but even that didn't work out. Long distance for a short period (say the person has to go abroad for six months or something) can work because you know you'll end up in the same place again. But long distance when you have no clue if you'll ever actually be in the same place just doesn't work.
Yea I am surviving it right now. But I think technology helps A LOT. I send him videos and e mails and call. And he sends pictures and mails and occasionally will call. And msn is the best. We have not seen each other for about 5 months and we have about 3 months to go.
It sucks when I feel he is not making the effort or u know... But otherwise its cool but only because I know we'll be together again.
when someone thinks they can survive a long-distance relationship, they're asking for only phone calls and letters. there's no hugging, touching, or going to the movies together or even dancing in the rain. there's not much there to keep the spirit going. humans expect contact with each other and long distance relationships are bound to fall apart. its good to stay with someone who's in the same state, although it's okay if they're 30 to an hour away because then you're not on top of each other and the temporary separation is healthy.
i did long distance with my husband (at the time we were still just bf/gf) for two years. he was in MI and i was in CA. it was hard but we were still able to see each other at least every 3 months with both of us making an effort to fly back and forth to see each other. i actually think relationships that are still in the "honeymoon" phase tend to be less successful in LDRs than couples who have had a long and well established history together. with the latter, there is more incentive to make things work and you know each other much better, which i think influences how you handle the LDR a lot.
in retrospect, it was great to have those two years to be able to explore my independence. i have been with my husband since i was 16, haven't dated anyone else and had never been apart from him until he moved. it was probably a good and healthy thing to do for both of us.... at least temporarily.
I just got out of a long distance relationship. I don't want to be all pessimistic or anything, but I almost feel like a long distance relationship gives you an excuse to not give the relationship you're in everything you have. You start having constant doubts about whether it could work from the very beginning. Even though you don't want to admit when you're getting into it, that it probably won't work, the more you spend the time apart, the more you realize it's not going to. My long distance, my ex actually ended up cheating on me multiple times and I had no clue. The downside is, you CAN be completely oblivious, because you're not in the same social scene or the same area.