Tuesday, 05 August 2008
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Your Turn: Dating Within The Family Tree?!
A Datingish reader writes...
I have a friend that recently broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her and she found out he's out with her seventh cousin. That's pretty far in relation, but I find it to be one of those awkward situations to be in.
I'm curious to know how people would feel if family members started dating their exes. And if at all possible, how would you deal with that--like at a family reunion?
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Comments (29)
At first I thought this was referring to dating one's own relative...
I'd feel a little awkward but family is family and when you marry someone, they become your family, right? Plus, humans can be attracted to whomever they'd like to be attracted to and if it ends up being a relative, then so be it.
If they're happy, I'm happy.
chances are that family reunion won't ever happen... i mean if your ex marries your 7th cousin, thats a pretty big blow to you; however it's likely that he'll dump the cousin too just because guys need their variety. but if it does happen... the marriage and family reunion, you just have to know that it makes the cousin happy and they found each other. it only sucks if you thought he was 'the one' for you... but you just have to look at it in the most positive light and try to go on and find someone for yourself.
seventh cousin?! where is that on a family tree anyway? like who counts that far?
and to answer your question, i'd be PISSED. aside from the fact things would be super awkward between EVERYONE for a while there.
not a good idea.
my last name is relatively rare so anyone i meet with the same last name is off limits to me.
7th cousin? Who counts that far? Geez, that would be like.. her cousin's great-great-great grandkid or something, no? That can't possibly be right.
Anyway, if I moved on and got over my feelings for my ex, it wouldn't be a problem. At worst, it'd be a bit uncomfortable, but that's life. I'd deal with it as any adult should.
I don't think it would be a problem. If someone in my family wants to be stuck with them, it's their thing. I wouldn't tolerate cheating on me with a family member though. I don't think I can put boundaries on people who fall in love with each other, so it's their thing.
Xo
Xo
i wouldn't mind dating his dating my seventh cousin. shoot, i don't even know who my seventh cousin is. that would probably entail all of northern california, for goodness sake. first cousin, i would be mad. second cousin, eh. anything beyond that, i don't care.
I don't really hang out with cousins...with the exception of a few. If my ex dated those that I hung out with, it would be a problem. Then, I'd have to start swaying away from them 'cause of the awkwardness. I can't tell them what not to do. If they respect me enough for being their friend and cousin, then they'll come to the conclusion on their own not to do that. As far as other distant cousins, do what you want. I don't care lol
My 30something aunt stopped seeing a whole section of our family because her ex was seeing her and another relative at the same time. He got married to the relative behind her back. No one told her anything, she had to find out! She had been with the guy for about 8 yrs. I have NEVER asked her about it and I never intend to! It must be extremely painful.
@XxHells_GatexX@xanga - I agree. If it's the family members that I tend to hang out with, then it would be a problem. Then, I'll have to find a different approach. But, if it's just distant cousins or family members in general that I don't really have much of a connection with, they can do whatever they want. Be my guest. I don't care. I also tend to stay away from family gatherings, so it's all good lol
I don't even know my family members beyond I guess my second cousins (dad's cousins kids? I've met them like twice).
I think I would be a little upset if my first cousins were dating my ex, but not anything beyond that. Also, it would depend on how long after we broke up this occurred and also how my relationship with my ex is.
Right now, I only have one ex. We have a pretty good relationship. We're friends now and I'm friends with his current girlfriend, so I guess being cousins with her wouldn't be too weird either. But, in the future that will completely depend on who my other ex's are, etc.
Awkward! I don't really have an situations where that would be possible (most of my cousins are guys and I'm an only child). But I'm really close to my friends and my friends were always a bit incestuous with the dating - we all dated the same people. Sometimes it was awkward but I guess we were all close enough that in the end it didn't matter. I feel like family is more awkward though because then you get the gossipy family members who are like "wasn't he here with you last time...?"
It would depend on my relationship with the ex - I'm friends with a lot of my exes, so it would probably be ok. And 7th cousin is a seriously distant relation.
The last guy I dated (we're friends) keeps trying to hook me up with his brother. I think he's only half joking.
two words: major drama. Better avoid the family member if you're willing to make such a decision.
i never liked family reunions anyway....
its fine, i mean honestly.
i am 7 generational lines away from Kim, Jong II, the dictator of Northern Korea.
Now yes, that would be VERY awkward should I date him, but bottom line, the relation is so displaced that it makes no damned bit of difference. and screw the inlaws. -rolls eyes-
::Rico::
that's when you know your family tree is too big and needs some branches chopped off
i used to know this guy whose family lived with another couple, but later they swapped partners, my friend thought it was a bit f-up so he moved out..how awkward!!
well....back in the day it didnt matter. now days if you are to close in blood and you have a baby it could effect it health wise i heard. but i think anything past 4th cousins should be safe. but who am i to judge?
@aznroadrunner@xanga - me too...this post is not interesting as dating one's own family, lol
that would be too wierd to think about.
If you're really over your ex then it should be okay. You could probably laugh about it later? However, it depends on why you broke up.. like if he/she cheated on you or something.
Well...I'm dating my sister's ex. it's kind of a long story. i have liked him since i met him in 9th grade. he dated my sister when we were in 10th grade. I decided that i "hated" him the next year, 11th grade. and now here we are. out of high school dating for almost 8 months.
and happier than ever...it's not awkward for her and definitely not for me.