Why is it all about YOU and how he should make YOU feel comfortable?  Did he really have to warn you?  I mean, I don't have to explain myself everytime I bring a significant other over to a party because I'm straight.... and I don't think gay people should be expected to explain themselves either!!

If my best friends came over with someone of the same sex... I'd be surprised but I'm positive I'd be fine with it.  Saying that you ignored your friend and need time to get used to it sounds to me like you're at least a little homophobic.

Grow up.  Get over yourself.

@tialoca_talks@xanga - 
i totally agree. you should've been more accepting and you could've said something like "why didn't you tell us earlier?" but since you all just ignored him, you all actually PROVED HIM RIGHT, because he did get a negative response from you guys.

I disagree with tailoca_talks and Cest_LaxVie:  I think he was wrong to not tell his FRIENDS about the boyfriend and the fact he was gay.  It definitely would have been easier for his friends than it was to just show up with a boyfriend out of the blue.  I think I would have reacted the same, but would have at least taken time to talk to them both, to get to knwo the boyfriend, at the party at the very least, but I surely would have made it a point to talk to my friend later, and ask him why he didn't tell me and the others in the beginning.  After all, if they are friends, they should be able to share things freely.  THere are good times to tell friends about secrets, changesi n lifestyles, and other personal matters.  A male friend showing up at a party out of the blue with a boyfriend, thereby letting his friends know he is homosexual for the first time is not the proper place to do so, nor deos it show that this homosexual man was truly a friend to sleepyhead and the others.  It has nothing to do with shunning this friend, nothing to do with proving this friend's fears right:  it has everything to do with tact.  It wasn't just about him, as sleepyhead stated that his other friends were shocked as well.  This has nothing to do with being selfish, but being almost back-stabbed.  Tactfully, and tastefully, ti would have been better for this homosexual friend to tell his friends who were going to be at the party about his new lifestyle, specifically so that they wouldn't be shocked when he brought his boyfriend.  Just brining him out of the blue with no notice is understandably shocking.

you answered your own question. the situation would have been smoother if he told his close friends about it.

@MaximMan@xanga - your last paragraph says it all. i wholeheartedly agree.

I find it hard to believe if this is your reaction now that your reaction would have been much different had he come to you ahead of time. He took a big risk and opened up to you, just not on YOUR timeframe. And I think you probably made him regret that decision.

Just get over it and accept it. Maybe those at the party should have made an effort to warm up to him and his boyfriend. How would you feel if it was you? In my opinion, he didn't betray you or your friends at all. How can it be wrong that he didn't say he had a boyfriend? I just don't see the logic that he was wrong. Creating a double standard like that is ridiculous. 

@MaximMan@xanga - Is that really fair?

I agree that Sleepyhead's friends are probably overly focusing on how their gay friend didn't come out to them (rather than focusing on the difficult position their friend is in, having to come out to a group of close friends).  Still, this was a very honest and open post about an issue the author is still struggling with.  I think Sleepyhead deserves more credit than you are giving him.

@SnowGlobe2954@xanga - I completely agree, it would be a great gesture if all the guys took out their friend and his bf for drinks/dinner!

@john@xanga - I'm not taking away (nor am I giving him) credit for the raw & honest post. I'm exemplifying Halfy79's et al, point about it seeming like it's all about ME, ME, ME. I think perspective would really serve well to help him have an "ah-ha I've never thought about it that way" moment.

@MaximMan@xanga - Yah, I mean I obviously agree that his friend's perspective is super important, and that his feelings should be the main focus.

I do think that his friend handled the coming out in a less than optimal way.  Does he get a complete free pass because coming out is hard?  Sure, I'll give him one.  But I won't give one to you for putting 100% of this on Sleepyhead!  Especially when he is being so open and honest in a blog post.

Still, I think we all agree - the focus now should be on his friend's feelings.  I hope this story has a happy ending!

There is no 'easy way' to do it period. When my friend Ryan told me...oh wow was he scared. He thought I was going to abandon him, never be friends with him again, never talk to him. Just, you know, worst case scenario. But he did it because he knew, I was his best friend. And I wasn't going to turn on him.

Your friend should have gone about it in a DIFFERENT way, not an easier way [since there is none as I said above]. He should have told you all before he brought his boyfriend to the party. He obviously didn't think that through, that just showing up with a boyfriend on hand wasn't going to shock some people and get negative reactions. Then again, you shouldn't have ignored him at the party. Getting to know his boyfriend would have definitely scored you some friends points with him, but can't go back in time now.

But now that you know, you have to get over the shock that he has a boyfriend. You can't let that consume you - you two are friends. That changes nothing, you're still friends. You need to accept that his ways have changed a little bit. Perhaps you can invite them out for some coffee or something. Or whatever it is that you drink. Get to know him and such. It really can't hurt. Good luck!

My question is why would it matter?  If he brought a girl over that he didn't tell you about would you or any of your friends have been as upset?  I don't think so.  So you need some sort of preparation that he is bringing his gay (or possibly bi) BF over?  I think you guys are overreacting to it, unless you are all secretly homophobic and just like to believe otherwise, why would you need to be prepared?  Don't get me wrong, if one of my friends told me/did that at a get together I would be surprised too but I wouldn't treat him or his BF any differently or shun them.  I dunno maybe its because I was born in the Bay Area and homosexuality and bisexuality is nothing new.

And I think you and your friends' reactions have pretty much confirmed his fears of even doing it.  He DIDN'T want to bring his BF, his BF made him (which is totally understandable).  Instead of being understanding about it and just treating him as a normal person, all of you decided to ignore him for the whole night.  Wow very mature.  I would tell you right now, if my friends did that (and I know they wouldn't) I wouldn't be friends with them anymore until I got some sort of apology.  I hope you guys didn't tell him that was the reason why.  Because as crappy as it is to lose my friends over something stupid like that, if it came down to it I wouldn't need to think about it for a min.  And if he is really your friend, it shouldn't have even been an issue.  Unless unless, you live in a city where they hang homosexual men, then ok maybe.  But as far as I know, I don't think there are any cities in the US that do that.  But hey I could be wrong.  Im not perfect.