By
Miss Double ShotOne of my guilty pleasures is the admittedly horrible MTV show "Next". The concept is simple - a guy or girl with a shtick (one loved Thanksgiving and had turkey day themed challenges) sends potential suitors on a series of challenges, asking them to dress up in dumb outfits, perform embarrassing tasks and reveal information about themselves. He or she dumps each faulty person systematically before she chooses one to be the love of his/her life!*
*love of the next five minutes is probably more accurateAnyway, while the concept may be a little much to take on in real life, the overall idea is still pretty universally relevant. I'll admit that I'm very picky when it comes to friends and SOs - just ask
Mr. Macchiato! - and have probably missed out on some great relationships because there was something about those people that just didn't agree with me and I "next"ed them.
People like me have very high expectations of the people we hang out with and date, and if people don't live up to those expectations, we don't spend time with them. Sounds inordinately bitchy, right? I'm working on it.
Are you a picky dater or relater? If you are, are you okay with how selective you are?
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Comments (36)
I don't like expectations of me or by me.
Expectations will never be fully met.
I am an extremely picky dater. If you are lucky, you get the first chance, but you better work for the second after that.
I'm super selective. Oh well!
Great Post!
My problem is that I'll pick someone for myself, and then everyone else - at least in a romantic way - is invisible to me, and even if they're not, they're definitely not adequate.
Many great guys have asked me out and for some reason, I always stick with my [bad] choices.
I call myself, negatively picky. xD
I'm with you. I'm shallow and overly picky. I'll never find a mate.
Yep i am very shallow.
I'm extremely okay with how selective I am. All I have to do is look around at the friends I have whom ignored warning signs early on and who are paying the price for it now.
if there is attraction and chemistry I can kind of over look the other stuffs.
I'm definitely a relater. I always hate to think that I passed up on something good just because I'm being shallow.
I think one should be picky when it comes to friends. Not to say that you should not be friendly with everyone.
Attraction is important, unless you show something otherwise that warrants a connection (common interests, similar lifestyles, similar personalities, hobbies etc). And just because theres an attraction doesn't mean it works out, mainly due to those things I just named above.
So to answer your question, picky? Nah, I like everyone else am just following the formula. I give people who I don't see as initially attractive a chance, but if theres no connection, an honest connection with common interests and so on, I am not gonna pretend to have those things just because I need to feel politically/socially correct in forming a relationship with them just because of the fact there was no initial attraction. Be honest with yourself and the situation and if you two connect go with it. Give it a chance and get to know people, but don't fake it.
I'm a super picky dater...and like you, have probably missed out on dating random guys because they didn't live up to my pickiness.
@dreamerboi23@xanga - agreed.
I'm a bit of both, but i'd say more towards relater than picky dater. but i'm lookin for attraction, common interests, fun personality, things like that. and i dont think its too much to ask for.
well let me rephrase, i was looking for those things. SO doesnt take to well to me still looking lol
I'm picky just because I don't want to get stuck with someone I know I won't hit it off well. I don't necessarily think they're bad daters or anything. I just need to figure out what I want and not make mistakes. Having said that, it doesn't mean I won't make a mistake. I lie in between I guess.
i'm not picky when i meet someone, but once we're already in a relationship, i'm very picky. kinda confusing? i expect a lot out of relationships and when i don't get what i want, all hell breaks loose. but, to get to that point is pretty easy.
i can give people chances and see how things go.
Xo
hahah fortunately for me, neither Disney movies or anime haven't gotten my expectations higher for SOs. I lie between picky and flexible. I mean, if I don't think we're gonna click, then I shouldn't be trying to hook up with them. Better for me to realize that in the beginning than to get more involved and find out that the relationship is crap.
I don't think being picky about dating is a bad thing. If you can see from the start that it won't last, why bother? I'd rather be single than be with someone not suited to me.
it's hard not to be picky.... settling would suck. i thought i was trying to be less picky and compromised, but often times i found myself on a date rolling my eyes (sometimes internally... sometimes not) and counting the minutes until it was over.
afterwards, i'd think to myself maybe i could've been a little more leinent on my preferences, but it's so hard to do when you're in the moment.
so now... i've just stopped doing it.
besides, being single is pretty awesome most of the time. it's only during the Hallmark moments when it kinda sucks... and that's just because of marketing targeted towards couples.
I'm confident about what I want and if it means being picky, then so be it. I'm not gonna be picky and point out the other person's flaws. It is what is it. I'm a human being, and I have defects too. But, I don't want to give the wrong perception and hook up with someone knowing that I'm not interested and they're not what I expect. I lie in the borderline of being picky and flexible if that even makes sense lol
I also go with the flow, so I'm not constantly looking.
I'm very picky when it comes to whom I choose as good, close friends. Surrounding yourself with the right people is important. We pick up things from these people and share vital information with them.
I'm also that way with whom I choose to date, not to be a bitch or anything. It's good to have standards as long as they're still rational.
There are SO many people in the world. It's really ok to be picky. You're supposed to be picky. The laws of natural selection and evolution says that instinctually we will go for the best and should go for the best because that is what is best for our species.
Oh yes. I can be a very picky dater, and as a result, there are times when I just don't date much. Since I don't mind being single, I don't see anything wrong with it - better to be happy and alone than to settle just because I need a relationship.
Though. my standards might be a little different from other people's - he doesn't have to look a certain way or make a certain amount of money or something like that.
My friends claim I'm picky, but I don't think I am. I just have my standards. But I'm also careful not to raise my standards very high. After all, I can't get Cinderella if I'm not Prince Charming, right? Everyone wants the best looking one, smartest, etc. but not everyone can get them, so I try to be very reasonable.
I think it's fine to "know" what you want in a friend or a significant other, but I've noticed that some of the pickiest people haven't ventured very far out of their shell and base their preferences on what they've seen on television or what their friends tell them.
For example, I have a friend that is extremely picky about who she dates/makes friends with and has only dated one guy and she's 29, yet claims that she knows exactly what she wants in a guy. She has very very idealistic views about relationships and I have to speculate that her views/expectations must be coming from somewhere other than experience, i.e., television and stories that she hears from her friends.
Any one else like to comment on this?