This is a guest blog submitted by mikeljason. For the past few weeks I've been hanging out with my upstairs neighbor
and her friends who all live in our neighborhood. And for the past
couple of weeks I've been noticing more and more that I'm starting to
really like my new friends - like
really really like them, and now I'm
pretty convinced that I'm crushing - straight crushing on this brilliant, nice, incredibly beautiful woman. So why does that worry
me? Why am I fighting liking someone who is single, I get along
swimmingly with, and is so very close to me both in proximity and
philosophically?
Yesterday we were sitting in her living room watching Mad Men - talking, laughing, just hanging out and having fun, and it was so
comfortable and just so nice.
There's always this feeling of
anxiety that I get, though, like how long is this going to last? How long before
one of us does something the other one does not like? It's so weird
feeling that way. I don't usually feel that way around people
especially people that are so nice and that I like.
So here I am
chilling with a girl who is totally my type of girlfriend
material, and I kind of want to ask her to get married, but I'm too
scared that my liking
her will ruin everything, including our friendship. What should I do
here?
Have you ever been in a situation where you get a crush on your
friend and get stuck?
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Comments (87)
It happens to me all the time. But usually, I just go for it. The longer you think about it, the deeper you get in into a big mindfuck. But, it really depends. People like this always worry about ruining the friendship, which is probably the main reason why they never go for it. But personally, the worst she can say is no, right? You guys can still be friends and if she doesn't after you ask, well, maybe it's time to look for someone else. Although I do say, sometimes they do get weirded out and such. But it's shouldn't be a problem. Follow your heart and go for it.
if you are afraid to make a move, one day you might hear her yelling at you in her drunken stupor "you should have asked me out! now I no longer have any feelings for you dumbass" or something in the likes of that. Don't just sit on your hands hoping that you'll get a divine sign that EXPLAINS everything. It's not going to happen. If you're OKAY with just being her friend then you should start considering that if YOU think she's an awesome person, soon OTHER guys would as well and she won't be single for long. When she's not single, do you honestly think your friendship (crush, whatever) is going to maintain itself the way it is now?
Yeah. I have two best friends. One is female, the other happens to be male. I had thee hugest thing for my male best friend, Ryan. Well of course he didn't like me back and he kindly told me that he just didn't feel like I did. But it's not going to ruin what you two have. Friends are going to fall for each other. One either isn't going to like the other back or things will go well.
But it's nothing to end what you have over. I mean, you can't help who you like or don't like. Ryan and I are still best friends, I don't like him as anymore than that anymore. We didn't let it ruin out friendship, don't let it ruin yours.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
If you really like her...go for it.
Life is too short to be stuck on what if's.
I feel like I'm experiencing just that, although my mind refuses to recognize it. I have been so afraid to ask and do certain things. I cherish the friendship that I have with her, but at this point, I feel like I'm stuck between a wall and a sword. If I stay close to the wall, I'll never take chances and experience what it could be like. If I approach the sword, one erroneous action could lead to disaster.
Yea, that's a tough place to be. I've done it both ways, fought the crush and tried to stay friends which kinda hurt the friendship cause I was really still crushing and then I've acted on it, we got together but then it wasn't as good as we thought it would be and our friendship/relationship died. But I had one time that we both fought the crush, then acted and found the most amazing relationship ever. So I guess it don't matter what you do, I guess it will either work or not work if you act on it or not.
It's ok to be afraid but knowing later on that there could have been something but you didn't try, it will be tough to live with that. I was so afraid to ask my crush ( who is now my girlfriend for 4+ years). We got along pretty well and everything. For a while, I thought she liked my friend, but he reassured me that she liked me. I was still afraid of asking her and ruining our friendship. I gave it a try knowing that in the end, if rejection was the result, at least I wouldn't live with a huge regret.
Life's about living and learning. You might not get the response that you want, but it's better off that you know instead of messing with your head. Go for it, but I do think you shouldn't come off too strong. Give her time to address the subject.
the way i see it, you have two choices:
option A includes castration, years of pent-up feelings of regret and wondering what coulda been, and a large bill from your therapist basically telling you that you were an idiot...
or
option B: go for it and just LOOK like an idiot...
You will never know unless you take the risk. There will always be risks & uncertainties in life. The question is, are you going to let that hinder you from finding out the truth? There will be plenty of times you'll have to take the leap of faith & while you might not always be rewarded, it's better off than not knowing.
Personally, I wouldn't want to live with all these thoughts of regret. I want to know that I did what I could & to the best of my ability.
& there's nothing wrong with crushing on a friend. I always think that relationships work out best when you begin as friends. My guy took the risk, despite how shy & nervous he was, & we haven't regretted it since~ I can't think of anyone else who knows me better than him.
Go for it. She says no, don't push it. Just let it be. But I just wrote an entry about something like that that happened between me and a friend. If he had just let it drop, then we would still be friends. But the worse she can say is no, right?
Just. Do. It.
woah slow down player. let's try dinner before getting hitched and swapping fluids.
I tried that with 2 different girls and got rejected, well, twice. One of them is actually friendlier now and we're better friends because I think she knows I'll be honest with her. The other try didn't turn out quite as good, but I still think I'm better off knowing than not. Go for it, like pretty much everyone has said so far, life is too short to waste your time guessing and wringing your hands.
It will either be really good or very bad in the end... choose wisely and think about your decisions and consequences. I messed up with that one earlier this year.
I think that a good friendship is a great start for a good relationship...but be careful..in my last relationship, we were friends first, and when we started dating it seriously messed up group dynamics. we broke up and are no longer friends, and it's still difficult because we have so many mutual friends. It's tough to make a complete break. BUT I think that in some cases, the best relationships start as good friends. It's probably a risk worth taking.
yeah i did that with a friend. she politely said no and that she respected me for saying something. We are closer now, and you never know people change.
I have no idea why it would mess anything up. as long as you don't do something creepy she'll be fine with it.
And from experience, a No is better than not knowing.
Definitely happened to me. I waited to make the move long enough until I would've considered us good friends, but not any longer.
It is a tough situation because you have to time it perfectly: Go too far and you are in the "like a brother" category. Go for it too soon, and she might think that you used her friendship to get into her pants.
I find that if you just increase the frequencies of these "comfortable and so nice" situations, then one time it will feel right. When it does, just tell her how you feel, but let her know that you value the friendship and its one of the main reasons you are telling her. And don't worry so much about when someone does something the other doesn't like: it always happens and you wouldn't make a successful couple unless you could get over those times.
Just tell her how you feel. It may be awkward, but at least you won't be completely nervous around her all the time. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, the weight off your shoulders of wondering will help you get over the crush and if she is crushing on you as well - great!
Good luck!
@joshx80@xanga - haha i like your explaination.
basically you either A) go for it & possibly get a positive response or B) screw yourself over.
good luck!
I'm in the same boat right now. I really like one of my friends but I never get to see him or talk to him anymore. We are going to dinner Wednesday and to a concert on Friday. I'm too chicken to say anything because what if he doesn't like me back? Ugh, the joys of dating! :)
tell her, right now. i was in the same position, so i introduced this dream guy to my best friends, just to see if they clicked--and he clicked with one a little too well. they are currently still together. i love them both, but i always question 'what if?' and that's not healthy.
at least if she isn't interested, you won't constantly wonder. i never got the chance, and i never will because i'm too close to either of my friends to do that.
<3
tell her in a nice way..at least you wont have to worry about the what ifs in the future if you ask her..
watch "made of honor"..
it could give you an idea what might happen if you prolong it..
good luck!
Yes, and all you can really do is go for it or else it will eat you up inside because it only gets worse.
Whether its rejection or acceptance, at least the answer will be clear and you will be able to deal with it as it comes. But not doing anything just makes you more tense and messes with your head.
Totally yes! I've had a crush on my friend for about 3 years now! The worst part is that he's a little shy and I'm not one for asking guys out. I'm really reluctant to tell him exactly how I feel, because he is a great friend, plus his sister happens to be my BEST friend! I don't want to ruin that.