By
Miss Double ShotA
New York Times blog post today raised an interesting question: what's the correlation between self-deprecating humor and attractiveness? Can you get away with being jokingly down on yourself without being a full-out Debbie Downer?
Here's what a study cited in the story had to say (bolded for you tl;dr fiends):
Thus, the use of self-deprecating humor by low-status individuals
may be counter-productive, suggesting depression, defeatism,
subordination, low self-esteem, and/or low mate value. On the other
hand, if an individual has achieved high social status, they are
unlikely to have truly low conscientiousness, extroversion, or
emotional stability, and they must show reasonable agreeableness often
enough to make friends and win support. Thus, self-deprecating humor
may be a way of transiently faking inferior personality traits, to
highlight the discrepancy between the faked traits (e.g., introversion,
neuroticism) and the traits actually required to win high status.In other words, if you have high self-esteem, you can get away with cracking jokes about yourself; if you're not as confident in yourself, it'll only make you look more defeated. Use extreme caution!
Some people can get away with being self-deprecating . . . the article cites Hugh Grant and Chris Martin as examples of guys who can pull it off.
Are you attracted to people who use self-deprecating humor?
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Comments (35)
holy cow, i think i am not smart enough to understand this study <-- is this an example of self-deprecation?
lol @john
but I think thers a big difference between laffing at yourself and self deprecating humor
I don't really mind making jokes on my behalf. I'm confident about myself to know I can get a laugh out of myself
People with low self-esteem and hate themselves are losers.
It depends on the person. I do this sometimes but I use it sparingly because I would look like a Debbie Downer.
Humor is a gift. If one is gifted in humor they can make anything funny. It's about timing, tone, and delivery.
@manilajones@xanga - sometimes catastrophic life situations make you feel like shit. People should be strong but you shouldn't expect that.
lol I don't mind making fun of myself. I'm confident about myself. It's not a huge deal. I don't do it on purpose. It's a random thing that comes in and out.
I agree with ricedaddy7 about tone and timing. It also depends on the the way the jokes color the person. Sometimes, regardless of the person's confidence level, self-deprecation just makes them look like an asshole.
@manilajones@xanga - have you ever gotten to know anybody with clinical depression? They may not personally be having the time of their lives, but for example one of my closest friends has clinical depression and I wouldn't give her up for anything, and she definitely wouldn't fall under the category of loser.
Being able to laugh at yourself should be a sign of confidence.
Women can tell when it's not. Confidence = sexy. Learn to love yourself before you try to love a woman.
Being able to laugh at yourself is definitely a sexy trait. I'm good at it.
Yea I actually have plenty of good laughs at myself. I'm confident about myself. It's not a big deal. =]
Yeah, guys who can laugh at themselves are incredibly attractive. People who take themselves too seriously are a turn off.
I had an ex who constantly used this type of humor, and I hated it - it made me feel dumb for thinking highly of him when he kept implying he wasn't worth that. If that makes any sense. Anyway, it's annoying when it's constant. Cracking a joke at your own expense when you trip spectacularly over your own feet is funny, constantly saying you are stupid is not.
There is a difference between self-deprecating and laughing at yourself. I think people should be able to laugh at themselves, if nothing else it shows humility. And that is a trait I find very attractive.
Just for future reference, here's the definition of self-deprecating for those who need it: belittling or undervaluing oneself; excessively modest.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/self-deprecating
@manilajones@xanga - You shouldn't talk about yourself like that. You're NOT a loser.
Not usually. Most of the time, it just makes me feel sorry for them, unless they're using it to make someone else feel better, or less embarrassed about an awkward situation.
No way. I prefer a touch of honest arrogance.
It's been my experience that most people with high self esteem don't deserve it.
humor is related to reaction rate...and reaction rate is directly related to intelligence...so it can never be bad ~_~
@LeMepris@xanga - haha. I know, right? On the contrary, some of the most amazing people I have ever met are so humble that it makes me feel like a jerk. :P
I wouldn't say it's my ideal sort of humor, but if there's a proper situation for it, why not? Fall down the stairs, take a bow, and thank your audience!
~~Mary~~
It depends on how it is used. If it is occasional and not too mean, it's fine, but if it's all the time, it's annoying.
And on a side note, since when is introversion an "inferior" trait? Introverts rock!
@Hibernophile@xanga - thank you! I, too, have a friend who is dealing with depression, and I wouldn't give him up for anything. I was in a bad situation a few months ago, and he was the one who knew exactly how to handle it.