I think that all men have wandering eyes, you'll always catch us turning our heads when we see hot women, its ingrained in us :).  But anything beyond that I'd consider cheating, as long as the guy started it.  And yea I'd consider a lap dance as cheating... 

I really don't see the point of cheating really, if you are so unhappy or unsatisfied with a relationship, why continue it...its only extra damage to both parties.

I dont consider fantasizing cheating. I consider him calling me a different name wrong, but on the borderline of cheating.

It all depends on the boundaries you set with each other. I am of the strong opinion that you can do whatever you want as long as your partner is fully informed and consents to it.

Me personally? I couldn't handle my SO getting a lap dance or having phone/cyber sex. The kind of intimacy I'm interested in precludes that sort of thing. What he imagines, well, whatever, I'm not willing to get into thought censorship, I don't want to be treated that way myself.

The cheating problem arises when you can't be honest with one another. End of story. If you two have made a deal, it doesn't matter how freaky your friends think it is, it's the deal you've made, and are both comfortable with. (Also, don't make deals you aren't comfortable with - see bit about honesty.) If you can't come to a deal, then you aren't sexually compatible. Move on now while you're not bitter. Frankly, this is a major reason we should be accepting of GLBT people. By pressuring them to stay in the closet, we're only hurting the spouses they've lied to and gotten married to, only to discover they have to divorce them to go be themselves. If you're a swinger deep down, same deal.

I know too many people (as in, any at all) with nonstandard sex lives to go around saying that my way is the only way, and have seen one of my best friends completely destroy her carefully structured life because she was living a lie, because she couldn't be honest about her needs.

If and when my bf checks out other women (as I check out other men) I don't notice. I guess since he does it with a technique that's not obvious for me, I probably won't care unless he starts getting inconsiderably careless or develops a hunger for more than just LOOKING. In my dictionary, cheating would be when he lies to me to be with her; whether it's a semi-platonic dinner or an outing, and they share physical and emotional intimacy. "Sex is just sex" is BS and "it didn't mean anything" is a lie.

i find it extremely hard to believe that people can go years without being curious or interesting in another person. its all in us, that urge to cheat and i'd say way more than 60% of us do it. i'd rather have a guy just say  he's going out with a female and trust that he isn't screwing her for dessert. and if it happens, then i get my right to kiss a man, or whoever the next time i go out. i dont take it seriously though... giving the man his freedom to choose to cheat or not cheat usually turns him into a more trustworthy man. if he's whipped by someone, he's likely to get out and cheat. women cheat too though. i'm not going to just put men on the line here. i'll admit, i have. 

@beachblondie711@xanga - I like your definition!

i'm too strict in my views of cheating.
honestly, even remotely thinking of another girl would be enough to disappoint me.
i'd rather have a boyfriend who'd have mad passionate hot sex with a girl rather than kiss her, simply because kisses normally epitomize feeling whereas having sex embodies lust.

I don't care so much about the definition of whether or not it's cheating.  If a guy did any of those things mentioned, I would have to say the woman has to start wondering whether or not it's worth her time to continue the relationship with this guy or start another relationship.  I don't know why she has to wait until he starts a relationship with someone else for her to get the hint that he's not that into her anymore.

this kind of relates to the "physical" and "emotional" cheating. physical being the actual acts and emotional being the emotional connection by your significant other to someone else. To answer your question, I don't consider any of those things as cheating - but if any of those things are happening its time for you to take a serious look at your relationship. Maybe besides fantasizing ... which is a little extreme 

I agree with a previous comment that it is based on what you two set as the boundaries of your relationship.  Because isn't that pretty much what an open relationship is?  And obviously married swingers do things that to most people would be considered cheating, yet they are happily married.  Even more so than other married couples.  So it depends on what you two set up.  I guess more specifically, any action your SO would consider cheating.  That might not seem fair but if you two aren't on the same page on what constitutes cheating, then maybe you two aren't really a good couple.  And I think most guys would agree to that, "hmmm would my gf consider this cheating".  Pretty much for most people tho its one or the other 1) Would my SO consider this cheating?  2) Do I consider this cheating? 

I think if you stick with 1 you will be ok, assuming you rational thinking person.  2, you run into problems.  I don't consider this cheating but my SO does. 

Then the topic of emotional and physical cheating, as discussed before.  If someone imagines they are having sex with someone else, while they are having sex with their SO is that cheating?  Or if someone is bonding with someone but not being physical with them, and later decides they want to dump their SO for the other person, is that emotional cheating? 

I definitely wouldn't consider thoughts cheating. Everyone thinks about doing things they would never do, and it's precisely the fact that we can resist temptation that makes us good people.

As for everything else, I would say it's all cheating. Like you said, if you're ashamed to tell the other person, then it's crossing the line.

Cheating: a polyamorous perspective.

Cheating would be doing anything with someone who is not your primary partner without their knowledge/consent.  My husband knows who I talk to, when and to where I go out with someone else, and whether sex was involved.  He doesn't want the details as a personal preference, but if he asked I would give them to him.  Same rule applies for him.

If he was to have sexual contact (or phone sex or cyber sex) with someone I didn't know, without talking to me about the other person first, then it would be cheating.  (And vice versa.)

Lap dances aren't cheating; neither is looking at another person or fantasizing about someone else.  If anything it should be an opportunity to discuss your partner's likes and dislikes, what attracts them, what turns them on.  Knowing these things, being open and willing to communicate makes you a better partner and better lover.