This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.When my girlfriend of four years told me that she wanted to try sleeping with other women – well as you might imagine, the idea of my live-in girlfriend getting it on with another woman was both scary and a bit titillating.
On the one hand, here's my hot girlfriend making passionate and jaw droppingly beautiful love to another hot girl. On the other hand, though, here is my lovely girlfriend getting it on with someone who is not me and destroying everything we've been trying to build together.
At first she hinted at the idea, asking me if I'd ever thought about the two of us having a threesome with another woman. I was surprised she'd brought up the topic - I knew at that point that this was either going to turn out really, really well or it was going to be the downfall of our boyfriend/girlfriend era.
I told her sure, I was game... so she searched for a third (read: looked for someone on the interweb). Days of "research" turned to weeks and when I asked her how our threesome search was going, all the "our" and "we"s had turned to "me" and "I".
It was then that I realized my girlfriend was not looking for someone for both of us, but someone for herself.
"No," she would tell me, "I want to do this with you," but her actions didn't match her words. She suddenly made all these new friends - friends she didn't want me to talk to, friends who she'd only meet up with at odd times of the night or random places.
After a few months of this (yes, I said months), I had to ask what was up.
"Well, I'm just into this," she said.
"Into what?" I asked.
"Into the women I've been meeting, this life I've started living," she told me – and like that, our threesome turned into her new twosome. She let me know that she wanted to date women and had no more use for me. The blow to my ego and self esteem was pretty big, but what hurt just as much was knowing that'd I'd given her permission to see what was out there.
If your partner invited you to have a threesome... what would you say? Does hearing about my experience change your answer at all?
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Comments (81)
Xo
No. No, no, no.
There's enough visual stimulation out there that he's bombarded with, every day--on the streets, online, everywhere. And many of them are younger and prettier than I am--I don't need to add those same/better bodies to our bed.
But beyond that: lovemaking for us is a circle of two. Only two. God designed it for pleasure--we are the only living creatures that get pleasure from it--and He also designed it for marriage. I'm not so old-fashioned that I have always followed that last line, but I still think, just two. Only two.
And you can see that, at least in part; having had such a blow to your esteem and ego--imagine if this was someone who'd once stood before God and family and friends and swore it would be you and you alone for the rest of her life....that kind of betrayal leaves a permanent scar.
I could never share my boyfriend with anyone and he's told me he'd never want to share me, so we're too selfish to ever bring in a third. Besides, I see sex as something that only two people in love should ever do... I might be a little old fashioned, but I think it should be kept that way.
I considered it with my last boyfriend, but only because I wasn't happy in that relationship...
Not into sharing. You basically gave her away!
don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but a similar thing happened to ross in a friends episode. :(
Wow. It ended just like that after four years? Reading that just made me realize how uncool it would be if my girlfriend were into girls as well as guys. I've always thought it would be exciting, but now I feel stupid for even thinking that way.
Here's to never suggesting a threesome.
Has happened to me (something similar) The idea is appealing, until you realize that you have just given them a window into something you can never provide for them, and that your partner having sex with someone else is not nearly as glamorous as you thought.
Nah.... it would get sticky.... unless I wanted some kinda sick revenge
All I can say is "ouch" to your experience. But threesome? Ehhh... I think it really depends on they type of relationship you're looking for. I think if you're just dating and having fun, "sure, why not?"
However, if you're looking to build a serious relationship and looking for something long term, I wouldn't really be up for it.
are you insane? what if she had asked for the threesome to include another man? but as far as i'm concerned, you are better off without this person...she didn't care for you at all...and you didn't really care for her either if you entertained the notion...ridiculous....
@tialoca_talks@xanga - @brownpixie@xanga - um wow. First off, he didn't give her away, if she was into girls, she would've gone anyways.
He's a guy, second of all, and pretty much all guys that i know of have had thoughts of two girls and them. that's natural.
And waht was he supposed to do, chain her up and keep her?
this reminds me of katy perry's "i kissed a girl" song.
if she discovered she was a lesbian while dating you, there isn't really anything you could've done about it.
there's no way i could share my boyfriend. there's no way i could let anyone share me. i'm bisexual and couldn't ever do a 3-way relationship, it should just be me and one other person at a time. otherwise it just feels..bad...and slutty...and just not right...
@ViveFLIP@xanga - who said he gave her away? not me..and you are right, she was headed out the door before she even queried him about this...and i disagree that it is natural for guys to want sandwiches (maybe in your circle, but trust me, not everyone does)...and don't be silly, why ever would he want to keep her? but you miss my point...people in lust go after this kind of stuff...people in love want to protect and be exclusive with the person they are in a relationship...pass around packs always wind up with hurt feelings....
@ViveFLIP@xanga - he should have had her pick him or the lifestyle she left him for. And, not all guys are into the girl on girl thing. My husband wouldn't stand for it and just me making a joke about it pisses him off with that "I kissed a girl song" I know lots of guys like that. Maybe in your eyes he didn't 'give' her away, but he sure gave her the green light to go explore which ended the relationship. To me that's giving away your most prized possession.
im not into threesomes...if my boyfriend (hmmm...only my friend now...)...anyway my partner suggested a threesome with a girl that never happen. but i dont know about with another man either because I think that's gay of the man. Plus it might be too much penetration, lol. but i dont know maybe if one kissed while the other did the rest, but then you dont really need to men to do that...so it seems pointless from a straight girl's perspective to have a threesome. it also seems like cheating...
You didn't give her permission to have another relationship, you gave her permission for her to find someone for you both to have sex with.
What a lamer.
she was interested in experimenting anyway, with or without telling you. your ego needs a boost. don't worry you didn't turn her into a lesbian.
There's absolutely no way I would allow a third person into my relationship with a bf. Hell no. Emotions are not easy to clean up as say washing the sheets afterwards. It would become an entanglement, no doubts here.
I don't like sharing period. If she likes to share, I'd have to bid adieu to her. Whoever wants to have a threesome, that's their thing. For me, my girl is my girl. Likewise, I'm hers and no one else's lol.
And sorry buddy but you did just give her that ticket to do what she pleased.
No sharing at all. I wouldn't allow her, and I wouldn't ask her permission to do it either. I spent years to form a relationship to just bring someone in out of nowhere.
As much as girls making out are appealing to dudes and guys messing with each other are appealing to some girls, I'd never join that bandwagon. I didn't spend time with my gf to bring some other random chick back. Besides, the thought doing more than kissing with both is kinda on the gross side for me.
And by that, I don't mean I'd bring someone to make out with my gf and me. I don't like sharing at all.
I've always thought sex was between two people - not three, not four. Just two people, no matter what gender they may be.
With that said, even though I've started to become a bit more sexually attracted to women I just can't imagine being with a guy in a serious relationship and asking him for permission to be sexual with someone else. When I told my ex I've thought about being with other women, he suggested a threesome [actually bugged me about it for awhile] but I quickly shot down the idea. Plus I mean, if and when I do decide to become physicaly intimate with another girl, I don't want some guy (whether he's my boyfriend, husband, etc.) watching or taking part. It would just cheapen that experience and turn it into the basis of some sleazy porno.