This is a guest blog submitted by sahar.Last night, I was perusing Facebook and stumbled upon my cousin's husband.
They've been married for about 10 years, have a beautiful baby girl
and are crazy about each other. When I read that he was listed as
"In an Open Relationship", I was a bit stunned.
I'm fully
aware that Facebook doesn't make anything official. They're obviously
married - I was there when they said their vows! It just bothers me
that he'd say he was in an "open relationship" when he
clearly is not in one.
My sisters and I discussed this relationship dilemma.
B, my
oldest (definitely not the wisest) sister, was completely offended
and said it made her very upset when she saw the status. She thinks
it's absurd and immoral. I think her opinion was a little too extreme.
H, my
other (slightly wiser) sister, said Facebook is ridiculous. Nothing
on it is real and we shouldn't overanalyze the situation. She added
that her husband has yet to confirm their m arriage on Facebook after 2
years.
I stood somewhere in the middle. His relationship
status did bother me, yes, but he could just be joking around.
Facebook isn't real life.
B, H and I disagreed on this situation. I was wondering what you thought about it.
Do
you think that it's immoral to be listed as an "open relationship" when
you're in a committed marriage, or is it no big deal? What's your relationship status on the site?
Recommend
Comments (73)
i think that's totally wrong. sometimes i'll put that i'm single if i'm in a relationship but am unsure of us, but if i were married, that's totally different. there should be no uncertainty.
i think it's funny when people put something completely ridiculous and opposite of their real status. like committed married folk looking for "whatever i can get." but "open relationship" really could be interpreted that way - it's a little ridiculous to ppl who know the couple, but then again not ridiculous enough keep people from being curious. does that make sense?
anyway, i find it a little weird...
Oh pah, who cares about Facebook. It's not as if he's trying to pick up girls with his "racey Facebook status!" I mean, aren't all those people...well...people you already know?
I agree with Heart, he's not trying to get anything from it, he may have just forgotten about it. Facebook is no big deal anyway. Xanga on the other hand... ;)
It's facebook, it's irrelevant.
Like you, I'm kinda in the middle with this. I mean... it's pretty messed up to put an "open relationship" as a status, but he could just be joking around since he's in a committed marriage. For example, my friend's Facebook status says "single," even though she's in a committed relationship. So I know automatically that she's kidding. LOL :P
My status on Facebook currently says "in a relationship." :)
I think that if anyone has a problem with the relationship status on facebook, that person has issues. Last time I checked, facebook does not dictate how your relationship in real life is. And most of your friends on there should already know the status, so what's the big deal if it's different on facebook.
i wonder what your cousin thinks of her husband's facebook relationship. that's what matters here i think. if she knows he's joking or just forgot to change it in years, then it's fine. i personally would mind a lot and would want that status to be changed immediately, but that's also cuz i grew up in the facebook era and know that both friends and strangers visit my profile and judge it accordingly. when i'm unsure of my relationship with my bf, i might hide my relationship status on facebook and that really upsets him and he asks me to change it back. i'd never consciously put "in an open relationship" when i'm totally committed though.
Wow, people freak out about such trivial things!
First, I forgot to change my Facebook address for months after moving, and only then because someone told me. That could be the case with this guy.
Second, does anyone here even know what an open relationship is? No, it's not sleeping around. I'm in an open relationship, and I haven't slept with anyone besides my husband since we married. I don't even advertise the fact that our relationship is open, because that's not what being in an open relationship is about.
Being in an open relationship means admitting to each other that we are human, and that there may be times when we are tempted. If that ever arises, instead of trying to hide our feelings, we'll talk about it together. If those feelings don't go away, then maybe one (or both!) of us should act on them, just to get them out of our system.
The funny thing is, as soon as we are "allowed" to be with other people, it takes all the alure out of it. Being in an open relationship has kept me from looking around, not led me to being promiscuous! Obviously, open relationships aren't for everyone, but don't knock it till you've tried it.
@n3ssaac@xanga - Agreed. I tend to not show if I'm in a relationship or not, unless it's really really serious.
*sigh* Why do people always assume that 'open marriage' means 'I am looking to cheat on my SO!'?
Have you asked your cousin? Do you know with 100% certainty that they aren't in an open relationship? I second Andrea_TheNerd@xanga, because it doesn't sound like you are really aware of what an open marriage is. (And Andrea explains it rather well, too)
And at the end of the day, if your cousin and her husband are comfortable with the arrangement, does it really matter what you guys think?
I don't care.
My boyfriend and I have been going out exclusively for more than 2.5 years but we only made it "facebook official" like three weeks ago, and only as a joke.
I don't think there's a problem with the guy's status unless his wife would be bothered by it.
"Deceased."
I kid.
@daeshii@xanga -
they're not in an open marriage.
her facebook status says "married"
I agree with some of the others above. There's no reason to choose a status conflicting with your actual one, especially if you use facebook pretty often. If you hardly ever use it, I could understand.
I fail to see what the big deal is. My boyfriend and I have been together almost five years.We have a open relationship.We are committed to each other but at times something may happen with someone else.We recently got engaged. But here is my question......why is everyone else in the family in these folks business? Maybe they have a open relationship. If they are happy leave them alone and don't meddle in something that is no one's business but the two people involved.
are you sure they don't have an open relationship. That doesn't seem like something that would come out at a family reunion.....just wondering.
I wouldn't be happy about it if my boyfriend had his status as in an open relationship, but if she's cool with it, then I guess it doesn't really matter. I'd definitely want to know why he chose that though. It seems pretty stupid and a little sketchy to me that he'd not want to put his actual status
I am on the fence between right and wrong. Before I divorced my wife use to get mad at me just for having female friends on myspace. I understand why and that would be a novel if i tried to explain it to you. So what I do know is I advertised single for attention. Which it got me attention. But as time went on the attention turned into unterest in someone else and eventually ruined what I had. Knowing now what it did I would have changed. But since I am now single i have to say there is a reason he put that out there and my guess is it's not a good one. What does his Wife think? Has she ever asked him to change it? Maybe they do have an open relationship and that is their personal life. there are a lot of unsnswered questions out there.
as long as he's not trying to pick up women by having the status its not that big of a deal. its probably a joke and since your cousin is on facebook too she probably knows about it and since he still has it up like that it doesnt seem to bother her all that much. as long as it doesnt bother your cousin, you shouldnt worry about it.
my facebook status is "in a relationship" with my bf but i can totally see him setting it as an open relationship as a joke...i think i'd be like "oh, you're hilarious. haha." and let it be for a while and then change it back
I don't thin it's a big deal but he should change it.
My status is in an open relationship with my friend Jenn. Which isn't true (technically but if you think about it pretty much is true without the sex). Facebook definitley is not a reliable source for those types of things.
it's like being married but one person refuses to wear the wedding ring and advertises that they are not married. disrespectful to your spouse and a cause for concern. i mean wtf???
i think its different if its a bf gf relationship or being married. they took vows and he should be proud to say he is married to her. all my accounts say married when i was dating sometimes they would be single if i wasnt sure but marriage is another thing
it's disrespectful. thats just it.
as long both couples noes about the account, no big deal!