Thursday, 31 July 2008
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Who Should Make the First Move - Guys or Girls?
This is a guest blog submitted by melsie.My friend and I were discussing this topic the other day...
She says she's afraid to make the first move, but I, on the other hand, have no problems making the first move if I have strong feelings for a guy. Sure, I like it when guys take the initiative, but I'm also not going to let a great guy get away just because I didn't let him know I was interested in him.
When I was a teen I preferred that the guy make the first move and it would've been hard for me to build up the courage to ask a guy out. As I've gotten older, though, I've found that if I don't make the first move in some instances, I may wind up just waiting 'til pigs fly for the guy to ask me out.
I didn't build up courage overnight, but the more time I've spent in the dating game, the more comfortable I've become letting a guy know I was interested in him.
The guys who I've asked out seemed to be appreciative of the fact that I made the first move, but maybe not every guy feels that way. I haven't had luck with every guy I've asked out, but that doesn't mean I won't ask a guy out in the future if I feel a great connection between us.
Guys: How do you feel about girls making the first move? Do you think girls who make the first move are aggressive or confident?
Girls: Have you ever made the first move? If you have made the first move, did everything go smoothly, or did you face rejection?
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Comments (81)
i'm sick of making the first move. if the bf and i don't work out (hopefully not), i hope some guy will make the first move.
all the type of guys i tend to like are quiet, but they have a very strong sense of who they are. because of being quiet, they are often afraid, so i always make the first move because they are afraid. but since i do, i get rejected because they are angry that i asked them. or simply they are tooo afraid of my dominating/ unafraid attitude.
so yeah...screw making the first move. if he likes me enough, he'll make the move regardless of how afraid he is.
I think it's great to change it up. If a girl makes the first move it makes her seem confident and makes me think that I won't be wasting my time. I'm fine with it either way it goes, guy or girl making the first move.
everyone always wants the other to do the first move.
i'm a girl: and i dont mind, but i'd prefer for the guy to make the first move.
Mine always went smoothly, but sometimes it didn't work out, no first date. But we're all still good friends...so it was okay. Though i did have one who made it, but HE did not go smoothly after THAT relationship. haha So it should go both ways!!
being a quiet unassuming guy, I'd prefer to be asked... I've done the asking like 5 or 6 times in my entire life, but have also been given hints to ask them out maybe for 2 or 3, though I've never known how to respond and follow through
I think girls making the first move is great. Many guys are terrified at the fact of approaching women, and it would be much easier on us if they did the approaching. While i agree that we need to take an initiative, it wouldn't hurt if the girl went first.
Girls that make the first move are confident, edgy, and are often at times fun.
I've had a lot of bad luck by making the first move, so I thought for a change I'd let a guy ask me out.
... I'm still single.
I've made the first move before. :) Some were hit or miss, but it made me feel confident to ask someone out.
I prefer having the guy ask me out, but either way works fine. :)
Interesting. I actually made the first move with my current bf. After I let him know on no uncertain terms how I felt, he said that he just wasn't interested, but that he'd still like to be friends and help me through my "crush". We parted ways from school for the summer and surprisingly kept close contact with each other. One day, he said it just hit him that he liked me. And that was that.
I think he took me coming on so strong very well, and it turned out for the best, despite his initial rejection of me. Not many guys would help a girl through a crush though. It might have been because we've been friends for two years already and he didn't want things to be awkward just because I liked him and he rejected me. Making the first move with him was the best decision I think I could have made.
I agree with you. I'm not about to let a great guy go, just because he hasn't come up to me first. Actually, thinking back on it, all my long-term relationships have been at my initiation. I used to get rejected, but really, I was such a needy little thing in the beginning, I would've rejected me!!
Nowadays, it's been kinda flipped for me. I don't have to make the first move, cos men seem to be falling out of the woodwork to get my attention! Ah, if only I could go back and tell my teenage self that it really was going to be better in the future!! 
I appreciate a man making the first move, too, though, because I realize (having male friends and all), how difficult it is to make that move.
Girls always make the first move. It's just that guys don't know it.
i guess i'm old fashioned, but i think guys should do the asking. my policy is that if they are interested enough- they'll ask....shy or not. i just wouldn't like being with a guy that was too insecure, or too uninterested to ask me himself. btw, i have a lot of respect for the guys with enough confidence to ask me; even if we end up keeping it casual instead of dating.
@chrispycrunch@xanga - interesting. do you maybe have "being" and "doing" confused? lol.
Intimacy:Girl has to really make the first move in "opening the door" to let the guy know its ok to pounce and she's interested. This goes for a guy that is a smart Gentleman (he wouldn't make the first move without knowing if he would make her feel uncomfortable!)
@lifelovinla@xanga -girls making first move via signals, hints. As for guys, IMO guys need to make the first move, needs to take her hand and to lead her.
im a girls sarah
i'm typically a pretty outgoing person, but for some reason or another i freeze when it comes to girls that i like. not all the girls i have interest in, but the special ones that i really catch my interest. i normally have no problem with showing my feelings yet when it comes to these cases i wouldn't mind the girl making the first move. even if its just a small gesture like holding my hand. it definitely builds my confidence in our relationship to take initiative and take it further.
I've always been burned hardcore by making the first move, haha.. but I've tried, despite preferring it the other way around.
I always want the other person to make the first move, just so i don't have to feel rejection. I am also very submissive so I probably wouldn't make the first move, not unless I had a few glasses of wine. :)
@chrispycrunch@xanga - brilliant.
I never make the first move. But I make it reeeeeeally easy for the guys. If I'm interested, you'll know. I give the go ahead and beyond that point, I have yet to find a guy not get the hint. Although I am out of practice, being in a three year relationship. I'm still young. We'll see :)
I have made the first move several times and it has always worked out in my favor.
The first time was in high school. Sure I was asking the guy to go to a Sadie Hawkins Dance but that isn't the point. He had never said anything to me before that to lead me to believe that he would go with me. Anyway, I dated that guy for something like almost 6 years.
The next guy is my fiance now. I made the first move then too. We worked together at Target. He claims that when I was a cashier he wanted to ask me out but he was too scared and then he found out I already had a boyfriend. I moved departments and ended up working with him. I would always try and talk to him when we worked together. Then finally I asked him to go out with me for my birthday... and I have a short post written about how we got together... and we have been together ever since. 3 and a half years now? I am pretty sure we went out on my 22nd birthday.
How I met my SO
@beachblondie711@xanga - I'm a lot like you. Every time I have made the first move, I have been rejected so I've kind of given up on that. It seems to me a lot of guys are still intimidated by women who make the first move. I basically have to flirt shamelessly to let them know I'm interested and hope that they'll ask me out. A lot of times, it works pretty well though. I guess I'm really obvious... Haha.
Haha, I recently wrote a post about how I'm so sick of how guys won't approach girls anymore.
Its something that takes us on a mind trip when we like someone and know its mutual, but are unable or unwilling to make the first move. Its always been hard for me to make the intiative in almost everything I do when it comes to people. Personally, and as a female, I feel it is in the guys place to make the first move.But that is my opinion. I know some females dont feel that way, and can make the first move without thinking twice. However, I think that I speak for everyone, when I say that fear of rejection can go a long way, and that It would probably be the worst experience ever to confess your feelings to someone and face rejection. It would not only make me feel like the lowest of the low, but it would be the forever reminder to never try that move again. I cant really say that I have ever made a first move on a guy, but I dont want to find out what would happen if I did either. So I would rather really like a guy, be patient, and know that if he liked me enough, he would eventually make the first move.
I hate not knowing if a guy likes me or not. So I don't have a problem making the first move—it's better just to know one way or the other. I've faced a few rejections, but I've also met some great guys that way.
the guy should make the first move, but girls definitely can and should let the guys know they're interested. (in our many wiley ways
)
WHO CARES? People are more than just the sum of their XX or XY chromosomes. If a dude wants to make the first move, cool. If a chick wants to make the first move, cool. It's time we stopped thinking in this old-fashioned "guy has to walk the girl home and give her his ring" mentality.