Wednesday, 30 July 2008
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A Match Made in Heaven or in Snowboard Hell?
This is a guest blog submitted by melsie.
"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" don't have the greatest track records in terms of long lasting relationships, but for some reason, I watch both shows each season they're on TV. I am fascinated by the whole concept of possibly finding true love after you have eliminated 24 contenders, and I love hearing "Will you accept this rose?" even though I know what the answer is going to be.
Just once, I'd like to hear the contenders say, "My mom says we can't have sex on the first date, so if that would be a problem, I'm afraid I'll have to turn you down." I would never dream of having other guys go on dates with me and my boyfriend, but for some reason it's okay on TV.As I was watching the finale of "The Bachelorette",
1) Get a room, guys! We get it - you're in love - but we don't need to see you kissing every five seconds.
2) Can this season's winner really be the guy Deanna could see herself settling down with?
Jesse, the guy she chose, is a professional snowboarder. It's great that he's adventurous and it seems like he has a good head on his shoulders, but can their relationship last with his snowboarding career in the picture? Can he really give as much importance to her as he does snowboarding?
The guys she rejected earlier in the episode both had minor problems; Jeremy seemed like he was trying too hard to be Mr. Perfect, and Graham seemed like he didn't want to make the extra effort to open up to Deanna.
My favorite from the start got rejected, too! Jason seemed like such a caring guy and I loved how he talked about his son. I also thought he could've provided a good dose of stability and he seemed like he genuinely cared about her.
I'm not so sure about Jesse.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was committed to a sport or activity? Is it possible to keep a relationship strong despite that other commitment?
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Comments (16)
Well, I'm a fighter. And most girls don't like that sort of thing. Nevermind that I train several hours a day and get beaten up twice a week, I'm pretty much walking around busted up.
I don't know if this is the same thing though.
It's just difficult to find a girl who can accept the commitment and the side-effects of my sport. The thing is, if I met the right girl to settle down with for-good, and I knew she'd stick around, I'd give up my sport for her. She had better be the right one though, because it was too hard getting back into my sport after I gave it up for my Ex.
Anything's possible, if you want to make it work. Consider, for example, military spouses, especially in our current war. I don't know any of us who signed up, because we were happy that they would be going off to the middle of nowhere for 12-18 months. But we did it, because we loved them. We made it work, because we loved them. Most of us had a clue, however small, of what we were getting into, and we still did it, because we loved them.
Does it always work? No, as evident by the spike in the divorce rate in military families (mine included). But there are many more couples who stay together, despite the statistics. I have a friend who pretty much gets 6 months out of every two years (usually broken down into smaller increments) with her husband. The rest of the time, he's in Iraq.
Just because you're committed to something does not preclude you from being able to love and be loved as fiercely as someone who is always home and has a 'normal' job. It just takes communication with an openness to be honest about the risks, the priorities, and ensuring that when you are together, it's the most special thing in the world.
Yep! And that is why I took up golf. And funny how they use MY ball during a Scramble. I don't go far, but I go straight!
Commitments are about sacrifices. You have to consolidate between the two.
Is "turning into her mother" considered a sport?
i care if my boyfriend prefers the ever so popular mmorpg world of warcraft over me
I dated a guy who was in the army. That's really hard because that is not just a commitment, it's a lifestyle and they have so little control over their lives.
being committed to a sport or activity is no different that those who are committed to their job... or their car.. or whatever their passion happens to be.
i don't like the word sacrifice because i really don't think people should have to give up something about which they are passionate just because someone in their life doesn't appreciate that passion.
just be honest... if both people know (guy loves snowboarding, girl hates it, both know and understand the other's view, takes that into consideration) that should be okay. sure... he might not go boarding as much because he knows that she doesn't like it (and believe me...as a boarder, that's hard to do), but he shouldn't feel guilty about going when he wants to. she should sulk or pout if he's going, but should definitely show that she appreciates it when he opts not to go. i'm sure there's something she's passionate about that he isn't too crazy about (like shopping, or the spa). so as long as that issue is handled in a similar manner, everything should be just fine.
i know i'm over-simplifying, and i'm sure there's more than one way to handle this... but this is generally how i handle it.
@manilajones@xanga - Lol.
i can say for myself, no i cant commit myself who doesnt prioritize me as much..i am a girl who needs to feel love and adored constantly..no matter how independent i am, i need arms to hold me at night..and i had moments when its not there and its so sad...
sure i lasted for awhile..but then whats the use of having a love one when they're not there to make you feel it? sure he's around, but if cares for his sport more that me then we have a problem..
i had a fencer for an ex..and yah now he's my ex..
Yeah, I dated a guy for a while who was all about caving, being really active in the church, and (this last one was the problem) helping his mom with EVERYTHING. I didn't mind coming along for the first two things, but when he started cancelling longstanding dates at the last minute without rescheduling just to run some errands she asked him to do, I took it as a signal he was a little too busy with her for me. It was like he was married to his mom. What say did I have? I was practically the mistress.
@uhm_roar@xanga - AGREED! WOW can be a serious problem when it becomes like a third entity in a relationship. It's amazing how a game can just become the most important thing in a guy's life. "I would, but I have a raid," blah, blah. I don't know very many players who can consistently put their girlfriend/wife ahead of the game. My guy tried for a while to balance his two loves, but he just couldn't compromise between it and me and decided he had to rid himself of one. (He did choose me, fortunately for him.)
it's not even the fact that jesse snowboards, it's the fact that he didn't really seem right for deanna (she's never dated "his type of guy" for a REASON) and couldn't really clique with her family. i thought jason was the right pick from the start... oh well.
as long as deanna is understanding of jesse's goals, and jesse is also willing to make some sacrifices to be with deanna, it should work out. as it should with ANY relationship where one person (or both) has other commitments.
... not that i watch the bachelorette or anything... =]
I really dont understand these reality tv shows about dating and what not. They seem to never work out, and there back for round two. I hope one day they do find someone so I dont have to hear about it anymore, lol.
Embarrassingly, I've actually seen that season. I think that she just made up excuses to get rid of Jeremy and Graham, honestly, and I was rooting for one of them.
"Have
you ever been in a relationship with someone who was committed to a
sport or activity? Is it possible to keep a relationship strong despite that other commitment?"
It is ONLY possible to be in a healthy relationship if BOTH partners have a strong commitment to some activity which is more important than the relationship. Otherwise, you simply won't be your own person, and the relationship will suck.
I think she just had a better connection with Jesse. Jason, he would have aged her 5 years like her sister-in-law said. She's still young at heart and likes gunning race cars and driving ATVs. Jesse's still a kid at heart, too. They see eye-to-eye and they're both serious about relationships. Jesse said one of the most insightful things on his interview at the end in response to Chris's question about waiting to kiss her -- the physical part's easy, it's the other stuff that's hard.
I really admire him for following through on what he said to her from the beginning. He sees the best relationships as starting from friendship and growing from there. He started as friends with her and he wasn't stand-offish. He was always right next to her at every event, he was the first to get to her when she fell off the bull, and he had the most sincere song. You can tell that he is sincere and truly feels lucky to have her in his life.
Jason and Jeremy are ok. Jason likes her because she's hot and Jeremy likes her because they both have lost a parent(s).
Graham was just not into her. He was playing hard to get and playing with her feelings to hide his insecurities. It was all on her to chase after him. Not the kind of guy that I think any girl wants at the end of the day. He was such a jerk to her when she let him go, too. At least Jeremy was a gentlemen about being let go.
HAHAHAHHAHA. I LOVE THE SHOW!
i watch it all the time, religiously.
they're not going to work out.
i thought deanna was the most real woman ... until she broke jason's heart. i was furious.
but yeah, in general, the show never ever ever works and all of it is ridiculous.
it's fucking reality television, come on.