This is a guest blog submitted by sleepyhead.Most of us have heard cheesy phrases like, "You're the right person, but it's just the wrong time" at one time or another. But, honestly, what do those lines really mean - is there some hope or is the person just trying to be nice?
When
I first heard those words from a girl, I figured she was just trying to be nice. Surprisingly enough, she stayed in touch and made me think I still had a chance with her. About a year
later, she told me wanted to try again.
Turns out that she was dealing with a lot of
personal and family issues and didn't feel comfortable telling me. In
her case, those words weren't just a copout and meant that she really did want to try again. For
many people, though, little phrases like those are just a simple gesture to ease the pain.
Have you ever had those - or similar - words said to you or used them yourself? Was it a copout or an honest response?
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Comments (59)
I think those words are probably the most sincere of break up words. People don't say that unless they think there's a chance for later. I have felt that way when I'm going through stuff in my life. Or if I'm just not ready to make the kind of commitment to someone that they might need but I think I could later.
If I ever said something like that, then I would mean it. It's really rude to give someone a false sense of hope like that. Maybe at that moment school needs to take precedence, leaving no time to focus on a relationship. Whatever the case may be, I think that if a girl says something like that, then there's definitely a chance for something to develop later on.
Wow... shocking a girl meant that coming from my experiences I've heard. Never had those phrases said to me, but when it happened to my friends, it was a nice way to say no.
Well... yes...
"I love you. I think that you're smart and kind and beautiful, and a thousand other things that I admire and seek. But, I think that we're in different places, more than just geographically, and that anything that happened between us would be....temporary at best. I've done the temporary things, and while they're great fun, they tend to not end well....and I don't want us to end badly...I don't want us to end at all. I value your friendship too much."
That was from a guy I fell in love with, several years my junior. Things didn't work out between us -- nothing came to fruition. Except, I started this blog (XINERGY), and consequently met my boyfriend through Xanga. Ironic thing is, the one who stuck is younger than the first one. HAHAHAHHAAA!!!
I win.
yes, I believe in it cuz it does happen...unfortunately..=/
It's usually a great way to say no because sometimes the look in a man's eyes is just too much and I just can't say 'no' flat out b/c I swear the light in his eyes will just go away! It's not right, but it's sometimes easier/better than saying 'no' flat out :)
@XINERGY@xanga - wow.. that's a very sweet thing for him to say! and i'm glad you came to Xanga, it's great fun!
Huh, wow. It's clear she said what she meant, what with keeping contact with you and all. In other instances where I have heard those words used, it's been a copout, but, like your scenario, in a few circumstances it really can be sincere.
Someone once said something similar to me, but not,as far as I could tell, sincerely. He didn't say why. I was thinking, "Yeah, right. If I'm the right person for you, you'd be trying to make it work (Instead of using my cell phone to talk for hours to your ex lover while I stew, etc, etc.)" The whole way the breakup happened opened my eyes to his dishonesty and manipulation. I might have been the right person for him in his mind, but he was not the right kind of guy for me and I was glad to tell him that there wasn't going to be "another time!"
...but it was worth it, because if that relationship hadn't happened, through some fairly random circumstances I wouldn't be with the wonderful guy I am with now.
@LadyMaleka@xanga - I think it's unfair to say something like that just because it's easier. It's better to be honest, but try not to be too harsh about it. That way, you won't have to worry about him because he will have moved on. By saying "You're the right person, it's just the wrong time," you're giving him this sense of false hope. If he's really dedicated, then he might even wait it out for you. I think that's really mean and unfair to the guy, but that's just me.
Yeah I had a girl say that to me; she is entirely honest about it. And looking back, I can see now that being in a relationship at that time would have been disastrous. So I am, for the moment, quite happy with the results.
@o0windsymphony0o@xanga - fair enough :)
@o0windsymphony0o@xanga - Agreed! That's what I first thought when I read this post.
I've said that to someone once and I really meant it. Afterwards, the guy was completely cold to me and I felt it was because he thought I was just lying. He wouldn't even let me explain myself! So hearing other people's views makes me realize that not everyone will receive it the wrong way. I've since not said it. So, thanks, everyone!
I missed out once, on someone I thought was the right person. But it was just at a difficult moment for me, I felt as though it would be unfair to them if they had to go through the drama with me. I guess its just a better way of saying "lets start/continue this relationship at a later date."
But not everyone will wait for the moment to be "right".
If someone I really like said that to me, I will believe and wait on her.
Never heard those words or used them before.
someone said something similar to me about the timing not being right, but i've not invested myself in her too much that I'd pine for her or hold out any hope of getting together; however, she never did say I was the right guy
regardless how painful it might be, i would want to know the real reason behind the rejection, because i think i can always learn from it. cheesy lines like that hurts even more unless it comes with an explanation.
I've gotten the "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. I thought I was, but now I realize I'm not ready to be tied down." And of course, when he was ready, I'd be the first person he called.
Only to find out a week later that he had started a new RELATIONSHIP with his ex. I would have much rather him tell me the truth. I was going to find out anyway... we all ran in the same social circle. D-bag.
Glad it worked out for you though!
@XINERGY@xanga - Ah I totally relate to that! I met my boyfriend here as well. I like it better than say, myspace or facebook, which is just creepy.
I said that to my current boyfriend a few months before I was ready to be with him. I just got out of a 3 year relationship, so I didn't think I was ready.
Although I wouldn't say those words w/out meaning it, and quite often it is the truth... usualy I will just turn the person down without offering any hope for the future. How am I to know what the future will or will not bring? Why would I offer hope when that will just keep a strain on the vibe between us. I'd rather just make it known I'm interested exactly when I'm interested and vice-versa.
I was told that and we did get back together for a while but it didn't work because some issues he had with a girl he dated during our break up.... oh well his loss
it could mean hey you're really cool but we just need some time to mature. like a few years.
but why bullshit? it's not me, it's all you and i can't get far enough away from your psychotic behavior.
I'VE HAD A FEW GUYS I WAS SEEING TELL ME THEY REALLY LIKED ME BUT JUST DIDNT HAVE THE TIME TO DEVOTE TO A REL'P AS A REASON NOT TO GET TOGETHER. I BELIEVE THEM, THEY WERE PRETTY BUSY GUYS, W/ UNCERTAIN FUTURES AND SCHEDULES; DOESNT MAKE IT HURT ANY LESS THOUGH. THEY SPENT TIME W/ ME WHEN THEY CAN, BUT IT STILL LEFT ME FEELING ALONE.
I THINK IT'S A VALID EXCUSE. I GUESS IT'S IN THE INTEREST OF SELF DISCLOSURE, BASICALLY LETTING YOU KNOW THE SITUATION. AND AFTER THAT, IT'S UP TO THE PERSON THEY SAY IT TO TO DECIDE WHETHER THEY WANNA PLAY ALONG. I DID, BUT I DONT ANYMORE CUZ FOR ME IT'S UNFULLFILLING.