By
Miss Double Shot
I was listening to Fiona Apple at work and it reminded me of a breakup
with an old flame . . . there's nothing like listening to an angry,
sullen girl play melancholy piano ballads when you're upset.
Keeping in mind that these "days" can actually last weeks or months
depending on the length of the relationship (there's a correlation!
really!),
Day of Breakup: Woe Is Me
- cry
- procure sweatpants, ice cream
- do not shave legs or make an effort to look nice in any way
- watch chick flick of choice (usually 13 Going on 30)
- check phone 75 times to see if ex has called
- contemplate calling ex 74 times
Day After Breakup: Oh No He Didn't
- go through old stuff that reminds me of the relationship
- contemplate throwing out/burning everything
- do not throw out/burn anything
- listen to angry music and throw things
- delete guy from phone
- then add him back . . . maybe he'll change his mind and we'll get back together!
- no, really, delete him again
- briefly consider lesbianism - are guys ever worth the trouble?
Day After That: Moving On...
- watch Sex and The City or other female empowerment-esque show
with the thought process that it is possible to find someone worthwhile
- eat ice cream
- but without crying into the carton
- get dressed up, go out and have fun in hopes of meeting new people
- meet new people, realize none of them are as fun as ex was
- socialize anyway; have a proverbial blast
- put chick flicks back on shelf, put sweatpants back in dresser, etc.
- rejoin civilization
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Like I said before, "day" is relative and it usually takes a couple of weeks for me to be functional again, but it's always the same general schedule when a guy and I call it quits.
Do you have a breakup schedule? How does yours vary from mine?
Comments (42)
I think I'm an anomaly here, because the one break-up I've had was...hmm...well, we weren't dating. He called one night though and I definitely got the "break-up speech" and...I haven't talked to him since.
So, my reaction was, "Wait....did he just break up with me?!" And then I kind of laughed.
And then I thought it was sad that I've never had a boyfriend, but I have been dumped. Bad track record. Dang.
Hmm...quite and interesting schedule.
I am a purger--I immediately start deleting stuff, starting with his phone number. I also delete all record of our communication (call log, texts, emails), his screenname, and all of our pictures. Everything I have that previously belonged to him, reminds me of him, or I was saving to give him is thrown away, even if it's as dumb as a pen or a box of cereal.
Ice cream really doesn't do it for me. I medicate myself with movies, sappy and non-sappy--it takes my mind off him for a while. Then I journal about it and complain to my closest friends about him for a while. I resist the urge to call him, then give in, then kick myself for giving in, then resist, and the process repeats until I finally refuse to do it anymore.
After the refusal it's usually been a while and I'm finally free to delete every last straggling picture, and then I'm done for real and focus my attention on other people and other things.
well, so far i only had one break up thankfully. It's been more then a week and I am still in the mode of getting over him. It was a long distance relationship, but still very painful because of the way he broke up with me. It lasted almost 6 months.
So I deleted him from my msn, and bunch of other websites, but not completely. I didn't delete the diary that i dedicated to him, or his email from my contacts. At first I am really not sure in doing it, but then it feels good. I also ripped his picture.
I start hating everything romantic, and become very pessimistic about love. I realize it is bad for me to be alone because I end up wasting my time just thinking and uncontrolably crying over him. I write a lot of poems and make up songs. I laugh as much as possible but a hollow feeling remains even after I share with all of my friends.
I truly believe that it all depends on the relationship, the groundwork of how the relationship was, the feelings from both parties, and the length. But all of them contribute. For instance, if I was with someone for a year, but they treated me horribly, then I probably wouldn't be all that upset to see them go (only partially, if at all), but if we were in serious love (supposedly) and lasted that long, then I might have wallowed for a while. It really depends on SO many things. I think it also relies a lot on your friends, actually.
I never realized it until recently, but if my friend is there just being there for me, then I can heal much more quickly. It is a whole one door closes, but another has been open with love the entire time, type of thing. I don't know. Just my feelings on it, without going into too much detail, getting worked up, or re-hatching the past.
Well, I've only had one boyfriend and we broke up over a year ago. I don't really remember doing a whole lot other than crying on occasion. I try to steer clear of chick flicks for a while, because they just depress me more. I don't do the sweatpants and ice cream and chocolate deal. I just try to spend a lot more time with friends.
I would love to have mine be like that. Unfortunately, I'm more of a cry for hours the moment it happens, promise that I'm okay and I'll be fine, cry some more, and then hate him for... a very long time. I get over it really easily. Sadly, I'm still in the process of letting go... two months later. Now, I just flirt awkwardly in hopes that there is someone out there I really can fall in love with again. It's hard, but I suppose it happens eventually.
Thanks for your post! I loved reading it.
I've only gone through one break-up where I was a complete mess and this wasn't too long ago. We'd been together for almost two & a half years so it was hard for me to just move on. I cried and cried and then cried some more. I didn't eat for two days, didn't sleep at all the night he broke up with me. I just neglected myself.
mine would be during the hay days before breakup:
- call him up several times
- get drunk and send him nasty messages
- literally party with his boys (just party) ahaha..
- just wait and wait till he calls back or send sms back..
- look for potential new bf
break up day:
- just be civil about it..
after break up:
- silently wish he'd want me back
- secretly look for him on those places he hangs out..haha stalker..
- but see other guys anyway
well this was the case with my last break up 3 years ago..im happily with a new guy now for more than 2 yrs...
but really he's still in my ym..and in my friendster account..
and i found myself recently reading those poems i made because of him..
nvm, im happy now..
Haha i much enjoyed reading your post ! As for myself, After 18 months of a deep relationship, having him "throwing in the towel" completely destroyed me !! As of the first week I remembered, It was very similar to your routine, except the day spans were more of week spans instead. I pretty much drowned myself in alcohol.. and I would constantly check (haha okay i stalked) his facebook profile. And now 4 months later, i find myself repeating from step one.. hmm........
I'm the queen of long term relationships so I really haven't had too many break ups (my shortest relationship was 6 months). I broke up with a guy after 4.5 years and it probably took me a good 8 or 9 months to be completely normal again. I did have insomnia for 6 months with that one though and I became very friendly with the whole chick flick genre.
After my last relationship, my break up schedule lasted for a good 3 months
it was awful
Real women actually behave like this? How sad.
@AshRainboww@xanga - Like you, I also periodically think about an ex I dated for two years (except this was four years ago...). It finally got so out of hand that I just had to tell him I couldn't be friends with him any more.
@xiaosnowtenshi@xanga - That's what it came down to with us, too. He would send me extreme mixed signals and I just couldn't handle it when he said he cared about me, but then a few days later be dating someone new. It ended up with me telling him to take me out of his contact list, forget my number, and take me off from his AIM buddy list as well. We still talk breifly on occasion, but the truth is, it's just better that we don't.
Yeah, but how do you get rid of all his stuff? Seriously. I just broke up with my ex a couple of months ago and I'm in a new relationship now... I don't want to be plagued with knowing that half the stuff I "own" is shoved in a big, black garbage bag, similarly to a gaping black hole, in my closet. I don't want to burn it, and I don't want to throw it away... I'd rather give it back and get my stuff back without talking to him, if possible HAH.
@methodElevated@xanga - That's just rude. I don't know if you're a guy or a girl, but either way, that comment was totally out of line. A break-up is an extremely difficult period for many people, and routines like eating ice cream, watching movies, and ranting to friends are just ways to try and forget their now ex-partner and move on. This process can be very healing and do a world of good... it's much better than just sitting and brooding all day for years (though a few moments like that may be effective!) or worse yet, suppress your feelings and replace them with false cheerfulness...