Having been divorced, I offer up this piece of advice.  If she's really, truly concerned, then she needs to talk to him.  She also needs to take responsibility for her part of this crumbling kingdom, because a relationship is supposed to be 50/50.  Even 40/60, if that's agreeable to both parties, but no one should do all the catering.

When's the last time she did something nice for him out of the blue?  Without expecting something in return?  When's the last time she allowed him intimacy that had nothing to do with sex?  Without pouting when he fell asleep cos he's damn tired?  When's the last time she told him how much she appreciated all the things he did for her?

And how would she feel if he didn't do any of these things for her?

No one wants to be a doormat, but it sounds like she's wiped her feet on his back plenty of times.

And OMG, just because she was raised like that doesn't make it right!!  That's an excuse for her behavior that she wouldn't need if she were, in fact, doing right by her partner. 

*big inhale, big exhale*

She needs to talk to him, to express her concerns, to listen really listen to his, and work through it.  It's not an overnight then, but divorce is a big frickin' deal.  And if she doesn't learn now, she's going to do it again with the next guy.  And the next. 

*ahem*  I'm done now.  Hope that helps.

give her the book "the care and feeding of husbands" and pray she reads it. if not, I hope the people that 'raised her that way' are willing to take care of her for the rest of her life.

It's funny how in this situation, the man has made all the sacrifices while the woman just sits back. In many cases that I have known, it's usually the other way around. But either way, it's not really good to have an unbalanced relationship. I think your friend's parents may be partly responsible for raising her like that.

As a friend, the best you can do is suggest to her that she needs to be more caring towards her husband, and try to put herself in his position sometimes in order to see how difficult it is for him to work two jobs and be there for her at the same time. Of course, whether or not she listens is up to her. 

The problem is really between her and her husband, and if her husband doesn't mind this, then perhaps she doesn't need to change. If the day comes that he does feel that she is being too selfish, then they will have to work things out. If they divorce, then it simply means that neither party was willing to compromise and your friend will probably look for someone who is more willing to cater to her needs (however unreasonable they may be).

There really isn't a right and wrong here. There will always be people who are more selfish or more selfless than others. As a friend, you can only suggest things, you cannot "force" her or her husband to change. But hopefully, as your friend becomes more mature, she will realize that in marriage, both parties must make sacrifices and put forth reasonable effort.

Wait, so why are you friends with this self centered, stuck up brat?

She should watch the old Sandra Dee movie, When a Man Answers.

But I agree.  I've been in 1 sided relationships before, and I've witnessed them... it won't work.  She needs to start putting forth some effort.

My isn't she an adorable little black hole of need?  You do need to be as honest with her as possible:  She needs a very thorough reality check.  Sooner or later, this "knight in shining armor" she initially enchanted is going to drop her by the nearest frog pond and find a "princess" not so caught up in herself.  This is the reverse of how most relationships turn out when there is such a ghastly imbalance; nonetheless, it's still evident that this is not going to work out unless she learns to focus more on his needs than on her next shopping spree.

It's not really right to expect your guy to do everything for you. Why doesn't SHE work? It's not a crazy concept. it might teach her to have a little human decency and respect towards people.

I have a friend who acts like that at times. The best thing you could do for her probably is to set her straight before things get out of hand. 

Probably the way that she was raised was to expect gentlemanly courtesy of the man.  HOWEVER, if those are her expectations, then she should live up the the similar ideal: she should be a perfectly polished lady who always has his dinner hot and ready when he walks in the door, who will give him a massage or rub his feet when he's tired/had a long day, who will submit to his sexual desires and inner fantasies, who will worship and cherish him, who will appreciate all the hard work he does for her, who will clean and do all the laundry (to his specifications!), and who will gladly bear and raise his children.

And if she doesn't want to do those things, then she shouldn't expect the "traditional" male equivalent.  After all, for millennia, the women were supposed to do most of the waiting on the men.

@cuzimlexxi@xanga - Her family is pretty wealthy, but she's always dated "average" guys.  Maybe he thought she would change once she settled down.  She is a sweet person, but when it comes to relationships she thinks the world revolves around her.

Well if she wants the love, she's going to have to give up the stuff so he can stop working two jobs and spend some time with her. If he's working two jobs to support her shopping and manicures, of course he's not going to have time to call her and cuddle and be affectionate. He's going to be tired and start resenting her after a while.

Why is she married in the first place?! It sounds like she's not mature enough. She should consider herself lucky to have a guy like him. I can't believe he's lasted this long. Sucks that they're married now. Personally, I'm not a fan of divorce. I hope they are able to talk things out 'cause that's the only way I see things working out. If not, I'm afraid to say.. this marriage is down the toilet.