By
Miss Double Shot My friend
Nora
(remember her?) always wears her hair up - I've known her for a couple
years now and I've only seen it down once! "It gets in my way," she
said, "and I don't have anyone to impress anyway."
Imagine my surprise when I met up with her for chips and guac and her hair wasn't in the ponytail I was so used to seeing!
"Adam likes it down," she said. Adam's her new fling - and apparently, her new hair advisor, too.
I
don't see a problem with dressing nicely for a significant other, but
to change just because he or she thinks you should is a little shady,
if you ask me.
Do you dress a certain way for your SO? Would you change your appearance if he or she asked you to?
Comments (106)
Depends on what it is...if they thought that I looked great either way, but liked my hair long...I'd keep it that way. But sometimes it just takes someone that you like telling you that you're pretty that you suddenly realize there's someone for you to impress. I have used that exact phrase before...that there's no one I need to impress.
Maybe, in her head she wanted to bring the hair down at a certain point for someone interesting enough. No biggie.
My fiance has said that he likes my hair long, which definitely was something to think about while I've been thinking about cutting my hair, but I'm still going to do it.
Um yeah, it depends. She probably was very flattered and trusts his opinion more than she would a girlfriend. I wanted to have a piercing once, long long ago. He said those were not his cup of tea, so I never did it. If it was sort of something I didn't really know if I wanted or not, his opinion might sway me one way or the other.
It'd be ok as long as nothing too extreme is being asked. Like your friend, putting down the hair (or putting up in other cases) would be a simple and easy thing to change. I mean, if it pleases your SO, and what you're about to do isn't going to kill you, why not? As long as you can live with it, and the feeling of having your SO happy > an old habit, it should be alright.
An example: You own two perfume scents. Your SO absolutely loves the smell of perfume A while hates perfume B with a passion. Obviously you'd wear perfume A around your SO more often than perfume B.
Asking somebody to change = bad.
Love somebody for exactly who they are, and for who they are not. Otherwise, you don't belong in love.
But as the poster above said, if it's a small thing and just a matter of preference that could easily be handled, we should be willing to accommodate our loved ones preferences. Saying something like "I don't like your long hair, cut it short." or "I don't like that you wear pants. Wear more dresses" though -- yeah thats bad stuff.
Regarding the issue of my girl wanted me to change something about my appearance, it would depend on if she had better taste than me. If yes, I'd probably listen to her. Because she knows better (and in many cases she will).
But if she's going to tell me to get out of bespoke Turnbull & Asser because she'd rather see me in a T-shirt with a rainbow on it, forget that. I'm not the guy for her anyway.
eh. a simple thing like wearing your hair down instead of in a pontytail isnt that big of a deal. if she dyed her hair just because he prefers blonds or whatever then thats a little extreme.
If someone doesn't like you for who you are (that includes appearance items such as clothing style, hair style, make-up choices, as well as beliefs) then the relationship is based on a weak foundation. I have no problem with suggestions about appearance if you are going to be together but if it spills over into your everyday life then it is a problem.
As such, assuming that you didn't run into her while she was on a date, which it doesn't sound like you did, then I am inclined to believe that her relationship is not all that healthy.
If it's just advice, for example he says that curly hair fit better on me than straight, it's okay, because it's on me to decide how I wear my hair. But if he asks me to curl my hair. Wth? go away!
i usually keep my hair up too since it's easier than straightening it and all. when my ex told me he liked it down, i'd straighten it everytime i saw him. it's not that i'm changing since i'd straighten it on special occasions anyway. i just think that seeing him is a special occasion so i'd straighten it for him. i'd never dress differently if a guy wanted me to ... unless he was willing to pay for the new wardrobe :)
With my ex, I nearly made myself crazy trying to be what he
wanted...the guy showed me a picture of a WWE diva and goes "I want you
to look like this". That was nothign short of shady (but of course I was too "together forever!" to realize it) My new boyfriend likes it when I wear my hair down. I do it sometimes, but not always. It's something little, so I don't really mind. It's not like get implants (yes, my ex actually tried to get me under the knife) or something crazy like that.
Depends. My boyfriend likes my hair long, but he thought it was getting too long, so I let him cut it. I honestly don't care what my haircut looks like, and short cuts are easier to maintain, but harder to play with. He prefers it naturally wavy, but I like it straight, so I usually straighten my hair, unless I'm specifically going to be spending the day with him.
He likes my hair down, so I have often worn it down for him, but it doesn't really bother me to do so. It makes me happier to realize that he's enjoying my hair than it does to have it off my shoulders and out of my face (usually)
Like your friend says, she has someone to impress now, so she's doing it. There's nothing wrong with her actions.
Hasn't anyone on here ever told your SO about a certain superficial preference? For instance, I like when my George dresses up in slacks and a button-down shirt. I like him to grow some facial hair. I like him to wear a certain brand of cologne, but not another. Often, he does these things for me, and when he does, it always makes me happy, and I thank him. When he doesn't, I never complain, and I accept it as easier for him. It's not an expectation, but something he can delight me with every time.
@ToxicWishes@xanga - You bring up a great point. There's a big difference between having a different hairstyle that doesn't even require a cut or color, and trying to change completely who you are.
@mrcolorful@xanga - I often wear my hair down or up for the entire day, so if I saw my boyfriend earlier in the day or simply was talking to him on the phone (which would remind me of him, and out of habit probably make me take my hair down), I wouldn't put it back up unless given specific reason to (i.e., it was really getting in my way). There are feasible reasons to do that. Or maybe she was just trying to get used to the feeling of having her hair down.
hmm.. everyone's made some good points -- some I've never realized. I'd definitely agree though. If it's small things like the hairstyle, I'll think about it. I'll probably do it as long as it doesn't undermine who I am & my beliefs. And I might also consider it if he has better taste than me, but more often than not, I'm the one with the better taste! [I'd pick out his clothes on special occasions -- at his request.]
However, I feel that my SO should accept me as I am and not complain about my appearance or force me to make drastic changes just so he'd want to be with me. If that's the case, peace -- there's the door. That's not what love is about so I don't want any piece of it. Love is about being able to accept someone for his/her imperfections & not want to change them.
I definitely wouldn't change for my fiance, and he wouldn't ask me to. I do, however, take his tastes into consideration when clothes shopping and thinking about getting a haircut etc. But I have to like it too. I would never wear something I didn't like or do my hair in a way that I didn't like just for him. I've seen a lot of people, girls especially, fall prey to this.
If the clothes were already in my wardrobe, I would. For example, I usually wear t-shirts and shorts/jeans. But if my SO wanted me to wear more button-up collar shirts I'd be okay with it because I have those already, I just wear t-shirts more often than button shirts.
BUT, I would NOT change my hair for my SO. My hair is this way for a reason, and that reason is simply "because it's comfortable."
I don't know if I would ever change my look for my boyfriend, but once in a while, yea I would dress and look like the way he wanted me to.
I think I'll go with what the friend said. She said that adam 'likes it down', she didn't say that he had specifically asked her to wear it down.
I think that that's the key point: the attitude with which everything is treated. I wear my hair down for my SO whenever I can because I know he likes it down. That said, sometimes if I make an effort with a fancy 'up do' then he can be surprised with how that will look. And if my hair is annoying me, then it's my choice to put it up no matter what he thinks.
I'll often wear one of his favourite dresses, purely because I know he likes me in it and I like the way that that makes me feel. It's not that he doesn't like it when I wear slouchy clothes, it's that he is obviously touched when I make an effort for him.
It's the same way that I like him to shave before seeing me. If he's going to wear a button down shirt, and he wears a long sleeved one, then I know that it's for me, because he personally prefers short sleeved ones...
I think there's a line between doing something for your partner because you don't mind and you know it will please them, and your partner making you do something for them.
As for all this 'you should never be asked to change'; no maybe you shouldn't have to - but if you love your partner, then why aren't you willing to offer to change little things of no consequence to you, but that will please them?
My partially sighted boyfriend stopped wearing sunglasses for me when I said that I didn't like not being able to see where he was looking...
Course when I then found out that really bright sunlight actually hurts his eyes, I told him to start wearing them again whenever he actually needed to.
No you should not change for your SO. And I don't you should ever ask your SO to change for you. But in the situation listed I doubt Adam asked his GF to constantly change her style. It probably was a passing comment "I really like your hair when it's down." I would change minimal things though for my SO if it was just like preferences things. For example colors of clothes or something like that.
Maybe little things. I dated someone who liked my hair in a ponytail, so I'd wear it up for her on days when we were going to spend a lot of time together. I liked it either way, so it was no big deal.
If I like my appearance while doing something that they like then why not? But I wouldn't change my look completely, or start wearing things I never would have worn before, or stop wearing things I really like. Basically, I'll take their opinion into consideration, but it all come down to what I like.
My best friend hates my hair because he was a fan of how it was before; straight and simple. He told his best friend, who happens to be my boyfriend, to tell me that I should change my hair. My boyfriend ended up telling me he likes my hair how it is and that he wasn't going to force me into changing my hair.
I told him good, because I wasn't going to change it anyway.
I hate to admit but I've kept my hair long because some guys I dated liked long hair. Then we were break up I cut it. Now I have my hair the way I want regardless of whether the guy likes it or not.
Ummm, I bought $60 high heels [ that I'll probably never wear anyway] for someone who wasn't even my boyfriend, just a fling.
I know, stupid.
I think I'm too independent to have other people's ideas forced on me. Many people said "oh no, don't cut your hair!" Even the hair stylist thought I was making a rash decision. I cut it down to less than 2 inches and never regretted it.
Love me for who I am or don't love me. If you don't, that's fine - it's your loss.
Like many people said though, it depends on how the person is making you change. It could be by force - this is bad. It could be because, through knowing and loving him/her, you change and it's something that you see as a positive result. (e.g. you've always had this bad habit that you could never break...your SO wouldn't force you to quit, but would be supportive in your efforts - and only because of that were you finally able to) Or, you could just change/grow as a person regardless of your SO's actions. Preferences change all the time.
you do special things for the special people in your life. it just depends.