By
Miss Double ShotI grew up in an modest neighborhood in an upper-middle class suburb. About ten minutes from my house, though, there were multimillion dollar houses, Lamborghinis in our high school parking lot and a man-made vineyard accompanying an upscale spa. Ugh.
Anyway, although most of my friends were on the same monetary level as I was, I had a few buddies who had new Beamers and would only carry Louis Vuitton and I never really felt comfortable hanging out with them because of little idiosyncracies that really started to add up.
Jim was one of those Richie Riches - when he totaled his first car at age 17, his parents bought him a new one . . . and at 18, the same thing happened - it seemed like as soon as the new car smell had worn out, he had a new vehicle to replace the old one. I drove a dented, keyed and lovable Mercury and always felt self-conscious about zooming around his neighborhood and passing all of the silly status symbols along the way.
I was over at his house one night trying to fix his computer after it
crashed and he shooed me away after a while - "I can just buy a new
one," he said. "I'll have somebody come pick it up and if I rush the
shipping, I can have the new one tomorrow."
His dog was a purebred that my mutt didn't like at all. "Don't let your dog eat mine," he told me. "It was $4000."
We also had different ideas of what "expensive" constituted. I'm a cheapskate and don't like to spend more than $10 on dinner if we're eating out - there are more worthwhile things to spend money on - but he had Mommy's credit card and would charge extravagant amounts of money on the Visa just because he could.
Is it possible to overcome class obstacles in relationships?
Recommend
Comments (34)
depends how it shapes your personality, and thus your compatibility, I'd say
If a person is a rich snob and also ignorant of looking at it in perspective, then they're going to have problems with someone who isn't as well off.
I think if the socioeconomic status of the two people in the relationship are VERY wide (i.e. pauper and princess etc) then it would be difficult at first. If both parties can logically talk out their different views on expenses and agree on how to approach financial matters, it could work out :D
sounds like a hater, if you don't like the person because the way he flaunts his parents' $, then just don't hang with him. if you do want to hang with him, make him pay since he's so rich. he probably can't do half the things you do anyway since he's so spoiled.
We have a rich part of town were live as well we call it snob hill. The girls on the rich man's hill rarely date below their class and it never lasts when they do. The boys on that hill will date a poor girl. Though it seems a lot of them are just looking for sex and it normally does not work out.
It is hard though not imposable.
"Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you
and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them,
makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful,
in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very
difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they
are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and
refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world
or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are.
They are different."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
My boyfriend's family has lots of money, but luckily he's not very material, and likes deals as much as I do, because his parents don't give him money to blow and never let him spend his own. So we are poor college kids together. XD Honestly my family would have as much money as his if my mom wasn't single and married someone with the same income as her. But I'm not complaining because at least we aren't poor. (far from it, really. just not as loaded as my bf's family.)
I think so as long as you're both willing to overlook the petty things and just accept it as it is.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - you're right--it definitely depends on the way it shapes you. It's really not about how much money you have or don't have--it's your attitude toward money that makes all the difference.
A person who is spoiled and thinks money grows on trees probably won't get along too well with someone less affluent than they are. Going hand in hand with this lifestyle are people not accustomed to doing their own housework--I knew a guy once who didn't learn how to vacuum a floor til he was 18. And in all honesty, I didn't particularly care for him.
I grew up in a similar neighborhood--modest, upper-middle class. I thank God for always providing for and taking care of my family. Even though we were never in the pits financially, my parents made sure they taught me the value of money and hard work. In fact, it seems like as soon as I get a job, they make me pay for something (school, my cell phone, my car insurance, you name it). But I guess their plan worked: I know for a fact that nothing in life is free.
@XfantomcatX@xanga - I think I know the feeling--I had a friend
in college whose family had SO MUCH MONEY! She would ask for really
expensive things for her birthday and actually expect to get it (in my
family, that is just wishful thinking!). But as I suspected, it turned
out that her family's income was the same as mine--but her parents only
have one child, whereas mine have four. Makes a big difference...
even if it was possible to overcome the difference, i really wouldn't want to date a rich person. just because money is always going to be an issue.
I was a poor boy who grew up in the projects. She was a rich girl who lived in a exclusive gated community. She was really down-to-earth and accepting, even though her parents weren't. I was really ambitious and wanted to provide for her the same way other rich guys could provide for their girls.
I learned how to cook because I knew she liked a certain dish and I couldn't afford to take her out to a nice restaurant all the time. She told me she loved it, even though it probably tasted awful.
I started fixing up guys cars with parts that they bought with their parents' money, to make money to be able to buy her nice things, even though she never asked for anything. She was a girl who could have been happy with nothing but my company. But I was a guy who wanted to rise up in the world, out of the projects, for a better life. I wanted to work hard. She inspired me to work hard.
My education, my career, everything, came from that point. Because I was a poor ghetto boy who wanted to give the best to a rich girl.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - That is very true. Two of my former bfs are examples of that. :\
why bother?
@the_last_kiss - That's the way it should be--from the heart, not because you can.
Not sure if you can "overcome" it because unless you move up and earn a 6- or 7-figure salary and can afford such luxuries or if you became unemployed or whatever and can't work or earn a decent living, then you'll most likely be in the socioeconomic class you were "born into" (e.g. depending on your parents' income, family lifestyle). I mean, a friend of mine has been dating her bf since college and her parents sometimes think she 'deserves better' or should look elsewhere because he is the first to go to college and pursue a doctorate. He's just not economically on the same page as their daughter.
I think it definitely places you in an awkward position at times, but if you don't have the money to buy that expensive gift for your SO or go out to some high-end restaurant (which I know I don't have the luxury of doing), then you have to be creative with what you do have. It's something that needs to be acknowledged and accepted, and in the end, the basis and strength of a relationship isn't the material things we receive from our SO's.
But yeah, I definitely know what it's like just to have family friends who can afford stuff I know I can't. It's all about keeping up with the Jones's.
It all depends on the individual people's stances and feelings about money, class, and their sensitivity to each other's views. I know at least one guy whose family is filthy rich and he's always been extremely well-grounded and had his feet on the ground (aka didn't go off buying expensive crap just b/c he could).
@ichigo705@xanga - Maybe you should re think your tastes then! =)
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - I did and I have someone who's much better. He's not well-off and I'm not, either, but his heart is as rich as gold. :) That's what matters.
I don't think it's that big of a deal, particularly when both parties are still in school.
But I do think there's a definite divide between the working class and those who work and make a ton of money.
I have all my education paid for, a new car every time I wreck one, and basically anything I want for my birthday/holidays. My boyfriend worked for everything he has, and will be putting himself through school. I don't mind one bit, and I don't think he does, either.
I think it's possible, but it's also really hard. It's hard to be in a relationship where two people don't see money the same way. I've had my fair share of experiences with this, and it was not fun at all.
i think that one should understand this: money doesnt give one class. money just gives one access to resources. so its a lot harder to overcome not having class....
I don't think that this is an issue about income differences so much as how he makes you feel about that income difference.
That bit about don't let your dog eat mine because mine's 4k sounds like he's creating that feeling of I'm better than you. There are guys with money who won't say stupid things like that; look for one of those or simply just a guy who treats you with respect and who you can respect. He's certainly not a person who deserves your respect. Time to move on.
I think it's possible if you actually talk through them and understand the views and ideals of the other person.
It's very possible to overcome that obstacle.
My dad is a doctor who's done very well for himself. When he and my mom got divorced when I was 9, I lived with her and things got very rough for us financially because he refused to pay child support and used money as a means to control me and brother. This time in my life quickly opened my eyes about class and money.
Now that I'm older and things are better between me and my dad, I can recognize how lucky I am to be able to go to college and have the things I have. I still feel guilty about the family's money because I'm very modest about my possessions and background. As a result of what went on with my dad and mom, I vowed to be cautious of any man I date in the future who has money. I prefer a guy who works for himself and knows what it means to be independent.
Yes. My boyfriend's family is rich, but they don't flaunt their wealth off with fancy cars or anything. When I first realized how well off his family was, I was a little intimidated. I mean, my family's upper middle, but we also live on 17 acres, raise cattle, have bon fires, shoot skeet, and watch NASCAR haha so it's two different worlds for the most part. But really, once I got to know his family I wasn't so scared anymore and John accepted my family right off the bat. My bf definitely wants the same life he's been blessed with when it comes to financial security and what not, whereas I don't care so long as I can provide for myself, my cats and am happy. But we understand where the other's views on money and it's importance or non-importance stand and support eachother's goals, hopes and dreams. And again, I think the big part is the fact that he's a down to Earth guy and doesn't make a point to show how well off he truly is, we both know that's not right.
i dont really think so...
I think that's one of the hardest things to overcome in a relationship, but it can be done. Lots of people do it.