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Miss Double ShotI can be laid-back, indecisive and moody - I like for people to plan out events in advance for me and don't like having to make big decisions for myself or my gentleman du jour.
Ex-BF was a lot like I was - a follower instead of a leader - and it made it hard for us to make decisions about where to go and what to do! For the first time, I had to be in charge of things and take responsibility if something went wrong or didn't go as planned. It was a good experience, but it made me realize that I would rather be involved with a guy who likes to be in charge.
I did some research online about couples who have tried to split the dominant role in the relationship, and from what I can tell, it didn't work out very well. I also read about couples that delegated responsibility by specifically spelling out who was in charge of what. That sounds insane to me.
Who wears the pants in your relationship? Have you ever had fights about who should be in control?
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Comments (43)
I think the best relationships are those in which both individuals are easy-going. Laid back people tend to avoid problems!
My boyfriend wears the pants... that I tell him to wear! Hahaha. :)
I'm usually the dominant one, but I prefer not to be. It'll be hard for me to find a guy who is dominant but not too overbearing.
My ex was a lot like your ex, and I'm like you in the sense that I don't like making decisions. Needless to say we didn't work out.
*ahem*
Ok seriously though, I'm a natural leader, in all my relationships, not just the romantic ones.
I also like nice pants. I think a nice pair of proper trousers on a guy is a great thing. That or a nice kilt with the 'ol tartan on it.
we both do. no we have never fought about who should be in control. we don't believe in control. we have great communication and talk everything through.
It's split. I make decisions about food. He cooks it. I tell him what I crave. He thinks of a restaurant or I just tell him directly. He lets me be the center of attention. He lets me have my ways when I've earned it. And emotionally, we're both whipped. hahha
I'm rather indecisive so I would love a guy who could plan things, but I also like to make my own decisions. I just get sick of planning things all the time because I do it with my friends and I don't want to have to always do it in my relationship too.
But generally I think things should be shared as equally as possible, even if that means delegating. When people feel their relationships are unequal, that can lead to feelings of resentment.
I was in a relationship with this guy for about a month. I would always make plans, and he'd just say "sure", and that really annoyed me. Though when we met up, he made up for it with how happy he was to see me. After a while I got tired of his effortlessness - he was really shy - and broke up with him. It was boring having to do everything! A relationship is supposed to be a two way street and that one in particular was a one-way.
@miss_prettyinpink@xanga - couldn't agree more.. now only if i could find a guy like that .... it's not our fault women nowadays had a lot of success.. men just need to learn to be more secure with themselves!
Its a matter of playing it by ear but by default usually someone is dominant and the first to initiate things. each and every relationship is different in that aspect. I think its not a matter of being dominant but a matter of being assertive in how you handle things and being able to exibit that assertiveness with an air of confidence and sureness.
We try to meet in the middle, but now that I think about it, he almost always defers to me. Actually, in just about every relationship I've ever had, I am the dominant one.
for the sake of argument, i think its pretty even. when it comes to food, i make the decisions (because he'll eat anything). when it comes to finances, its his (because i'm horrible at it). communication is pretty much key.
i still think i wear the pants because whenever i ask for anything, he'll say, "anything you want, baby." and he knows this.
I'm pretty sure I wear the pants. He doesn't want to think about it that way, but it's probably true. In general, I'm a natural leader, but in romantic relationships, I like to follow someone else's lead... I don't even like wearing the pants. The pants of my relationship are made of some itchy fabric. Wool pants, or something.
I think with us it's just mutual respect. We respect each others' opinions, but down to it, I'm the dominant one. She wouldn't have it any other way.
my boyfriend is in control,
i hate being in control:)This post describes my current relationship EXACTLY. My boyfriend and I are both indecisive people but he always says to me, "I'll do whatever my baby wants to do" or "It's totally up to you"... which annoys the hell outta me. So the only way to get things done is if I'm in control.
I definitely wear the pants.... and he likes it that way.
I can get really wishywashy. The bf just agrees to everything I want to do. "Whatever you want, honey." Sometimes he's good with taking initiative and making reservations for dinner or whatever. I think I kind of wear the pants (he's a little beta male-ish) but not all the time.
I'd like to get my hand on some of this research.
He does. And this time I'm totally happy about it. With my ex, he wore the pants to the point where I felt it "wasn't my place" to do certain things. Never again.
hm.. i think we both wear the pants equally. neither one of us has control issues, we have the same goals, and communication is open.Â
There's never been a guy that could be more dominant than me. >.<
In my last relationship, as odd as it sounds, we split the dominance role with each other. And honestly, we never had any fights about it. Sure, some nagging about how we're indecisive and such, but it usually ends quickly with one of us saying, for example, one place to eat and then the other agrees.
For me, I like to split it down the middle and compromise because I never want them to feel like their decision is not important. It may sound very wussy like, but it worked out well with my last relationship and just among friends in general. Although ,I do say that I plan to think of where to go before I ask or go meet up.
We're currently evenly matched and when I want him to step up, he does and when he's tired, I step up and plan events and things.
@miss_prettyinpink@xanga - that seriously made me lol. =]
im dominant but more often than not it is he who gets mad at me. my friends say he hangs onto my every word but when something's (and usually it's of great significance) bothering him, he'll announce it. i like when he stands up for himself in fights. and it's not as if he stands up for himself just to prove his manhood for he does have some good points to make most of the time.
i asked him before who he thought was in charge in our relationship. and without hesitation he proclaimed himself as the dominant one. pish posh. i got a laugh out of that. i discussed it with my friends and we all agreed that it's good to have the man feel as if he's in charge when in actuality you're the boss of the operations. it sustains his ego a bit, who wants a guy who acknowledges he's whipped? though present-day girls run a majority of relationships, it doesnt hurt to feel that your man wants to play a masculine role.