by
Mr. Macchiato
A number of people had the same
dating pet peeve. As one person put it:
my No. 1 dating pet-peeve is when my date EXPECTS me to pay. If she at least offers, I will happily pay for the date.Haloed had an interesting reply:
I think if you are asking a girl out on a first date, you should pay. Just as if she asks you out, she should pay. I dislike it when people wanting to date want to go somewhere with me to spend money when I don't have extra money to spend on their "desires".
I knew a girl who strongly agreed with haloed: if someone asked her out, they should pay for the meal. She got asked out a fair amount, and had an interesting strategy for the end of dates.
She would slowly reach for her purse --as slowly as humanly possible-- as if she was going to pay any moment now, wait, where’s my purse, oh there it is, let me reach for it oh-so-slowly. She said this maneuver took around thirty seconds, and before it ended, the guy always indicated that he would pay. She called it her “slo-mo reach”.
I am somewhat old school on this front. I pay for all meals -- with girls or guys-- no matter what (slo-mo reach or not!). I will agree to split the check if the other person offers (if they insist, I will sometimes allow them to pay - especially if I got the last meal.)
If someone asks you out, should you always offer to pay for dinner? Also, a twist: if you're a guy and a girl asked you out - would you let her pay for your dinner?
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Comments (74)
Since I'm a guy and still believe in chivalry, I always try to pay. If they offer to pay for at their share, I always do the "You don't have to." If they still insist, I'll let them. But I always try to pay for the meal. However, if a girl never offers to help pay, it does sometimes tick me off.
If a girl asked me out to dinner, I would still pay for it no matter what. Then, refer to above.
I completely agree with haloed. And I definitely have used that slow-mo-reach approach. haha But many other times I have tried to pay, insist even, but been refused. I also agree that if I ask someone out, I will pay, for both. If it's just friends, regardless of gender, I expect to either go 50-50 or pay separately, unless I'm in a generous mood (which does happen sometimes). One particular friend and I alternated who paid. Usually when it was my turn to pay, he picked the restaurant and vice-versa.
I'm a girl and I prefer going Dutch. Perhaps it was becoz I started dating in a very early age and both me and my ex boyfriend were still students. When I was growing up (and still) if the person who ask me out for dinner is working, I would let him pay the meal and I pay for parking or movie or something small. If the person is a student I'll pay him back, or ask him out again and pay for the next meal.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a cheapskate or anything. Whenever I am out with friends I always offer to pay the entire tab. However, when I'm out on a date with a girl I barely know, I think she should, at the very least, offer to pay her share.
I disagree with Haloed. If a girl gets asked out on a date and agrees to go, she should still at least offer to pay. If she really doesn't want to pay, then she always has the option of not going on the date.
This one is tricky. On the one hand, you don't want to be rude and not offer because we all know how it feels to be taken advantage of. And, of course, we can all think of something we'd rather spend that $20 on. However, some people (especially guys, from my own personal experience) get offended if the girl offers. I always offer. I don't always expect to get taken up on that offer. Instead, I'd much rather take turns paying for dinners, drinks, etc. - especially with friends.
I always offer. Generally I like to go dutch, especially if it is a guy I have been dating for a while.
It is definitely nice when a guy pays, but if he does, then I am going to insist that I pick up the next check. After all, I am not broke or helpless.
I don't mind paying at all. But if a girl was just using me for that, I'd probably be able to read right through her. Sadly there are many women out there who use stupid men to pay for everything.
The asker should do the paying, or they should split. If someone asks me out, I almost always offer to cover the cost of my food plus my share of the tax & tip. Generally, I expect him to decline, in which case I graciously allow him to pay, with a promise that I'll catch the next dinner (if I'm into him). If I'm not into him, I just thank him and smile.
And if I ask a guy out to dinner, I do expect him to let me pay for it, particularly if I said, "Can I take you out to dinner?" To me, those words imply that I'm doing all the taking care of things, and he's just good company.
my male chauvinism would pay, but i would get irritated and wary of females who take it for granted.
Um, I have the slo-mo move, not exactly to avoid paying but just to see if he will pay or not. To be honest I don't EXPECT him to pay but it does say something to me if he doesn't. It's a bit like... ''not interested enough'' or something. I don't even know why but that is the signal I get. I like it if he pays for the first date, specially if HE asked me out. I mean I don't ask people out unless I have money, or what?? If I am unclear as to the reason he asked me out, if he pays or not makes me assume one way or the other.
I like the whole "men should pay thing." It seems like it's just an unwritten rule. I do offer to pay my half though.
I was brought up VERY traditionally--I do expect the man to pay for the date, especially since he asked me out (I rarely if ever ask, another aspect of my traditional nature). Paying my own way indicates to me that we are just friends, so I only expect to go dutch if I'm hanging out with a just friend. Other than that, like tequila_sky said, if he doesn't want/expect to pay the full check, that sends me a pretty strong message.
I would think it terribly rude of a man to ask a woman out on a first date, and expect her to pay her share. If she's constantly making you pay for things, though, I can understand frustration. But if it's something simple, like a $40 dinner--no need to have a heart attack over paying an extra $20 for her meal. It's old fashion to have the man pay, but, it really does make you look good. And even if the lady offers to pay, you should politely tell her you're more than happy to pay for her tab, and if she insists on dutch...allow her to do such. But, by default, guys should pay.
i don't mind paying for a lady. what i do mind is if the lady expects me to pay for everything all the time. i'm not a meal ticket.
If I ask, I pay.
Otherwise, it depends on how broke I am xP
@tequila_sky@xanga - I agree. Willingness to spend valued "resources," such as money or time, is an indication of interest. I don't expect to pay until at least after the third date. After that, I would expect to trade off paying / pay for dates that I plan and ask him to and get a little annoyed at guys who never let me pay. Finally, I would never split. Splitting with someone you are seeing seems too "exact," and puts an undue emphasis on the money. If you expect to see the person again, you should not care who spends a little more each time. Over time, if you are fair and trade off times or pay for different things, it should mostly even out.
Whoever does the asking, pays.
If it is just friends, then everyone pays a portion.
I'm also oldschool here, Mister.
Chauvanistic or not, I will pay if I am the host. And it's not because I feel a woman is beneath me. It's because it's the assumed duty of a man who is courting a woman, and it is my courtesy to her for her company.
i think its foolish to take advantage of someone paying you dinner when they like you. you should at least offer every time and always always always say thank you. they will remember that you DO appreciate it and you did like it and it wasn't just a 'freebie' dinner.
I think guys should always pay for the first date, especially if they are the one asking out the girl. What kind of impression are you leaving if you ask to split the bill?
When I go out with my friends, I always expect to pay for myself. If it's a good friend, we'll take turns paying. With certain friends, I have to fight for the bill. It's such a hassle when they always insist on paying and I always have to fight them for the next bill. If they would just let me split it to begin with!
sometimes i dont like when guys pay for everything..it makes me feel like i owe them something. i rather just go dutch. but i dont know if he's really sweet or if he owes me, then he can pay, lol
I will always offer to split the check, and sometimes even to pay the whole thing if it's a situation where they've paid the whole thing in the past. But at the moment I'm broke, so I don't fight too hard if the guy wants to pay, and I also make good use of the slo-mo reach. Haha.
I don't expect guys to pay for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable especially if we're just "hanging out." But it's happened... and I've let them.
I guess I wouldn't feel bad if the guy was my actual boyfriend... but just dating..... eh.
I remember when a guy friend let me buy him lunch. I really had to ask him to let me... it felt great :X
I'm a dork.
If I ask her out, I'm paying for both, unless she really puts up a fight. If she asks me out, then I'm paying for my half, unless she insists she is going to pay. After the first date, I will usually pay for both either way, but I know I really appreciate when she offers to pay mine, and I will let her if she does. I usually don't like it when she pays for only hers, I'd rather she pay for both or for neither because it makes me feel like she doesn't really want or need me to be there. Unfortunately, a lot of times when I'm asked out and it isn't the first date they abuse the fact that they know I'm going to pay and use the "I can't find my wallet" or wander off or start texting/calling someone while I'm paying so I don't have the option to not pay theirs and that really sets me off. I will gladly keep paying if they show some sign of appreciation, but if it is assumed or expected than the chances of another date get smaller.
my girl has asked me a few time if she could pay but i wouldn't let her pay from all of it i feel like i should pay seeing as i asked her out