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Miss Double ShotRJ, my roommate from last year, won a prestigious award this spring and will be moving to Germany in the fall to do research and teach English. Great, right?
The problem is that Jake, his boyfriend of two years, can't decide whether it's better to stay in the US or to move out to Europe for what could be anywhere from a year to a lifetime .
RJ was in Austria last year for three months as part of a teaching program, and he and Jake Skyped every day, so they know how to keep in touch and make their relationship work even when they're 3000 miles apart.
If they sway your decision in any way, here are the details:
-The two have already committed to each other for life and plan to marry/civil union it up when it's legal in their state
-RJ would be in Germany for a year and may stay longer depending on how long the research takes
-RJ and Jake are 21 and 23, respectively
-Jake has had a job in the US for about a year now
If you were Jake, would you say auf Wiedersehen to your life here and move with your boyfriend to another country?
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Comments (41)
If it's worth it, why not?
Life is about unexpected things and risks.
I might, but I would have to be seriously in love with my boyfriend to leave my family here. He seems pretty much in love, I would go for it.
I would.
There really is no right answer to that available with the information that can be summed up in any blog post of reasonable length. The devil is in the details, as they say.
because they appear to be 2 stable adults i would do it. question is, how would i make money in germany?
I didn't move to another country with my boyfriend but I did move to another state, Wyoming, to be him. And I would do it again in a heart beat.
i'm all for new experience living new place/country with your love ones...
Um, Germany is way cooler than the US, so Hellz yeah! Although I guess it depends on how much Jake loves his job and his life here. If he feels he can't part with it, he probably shouldn't go, especially if RJ may be coming back after a year. Perhaps if RJ's situation turns into a "forever," (you know, after year 1 is over and he's evaluating) that is when Jake should really worry about it. Although a few months vs. a year is a lot different. I've done long distance and been fine for a few months but by month 8 or 9, I'm over it. And if he is just working to make a living and he doesn't really care, by all means move.
I think if he can pick up and move, then go for it. Finding a source of income would be pretty important though. If his current employer has a location in Germany he could work at or if he can telecommute, even better.
They're both young and it's all about experiencing the world while you can.
no i wouldnt, i know itll be heartbreaking for him but maybe RJ is meant to do this and Jake is meant to be where he is? I always thought if you give up all your dreams for someone you love, it will hurt the relationship years down the line, youll be hurt inside knowing you didnt reach your potential and may blame it on your Sig. Other. Actually ive been there and done that......
Another country is also leaving everyone you know and love, could jake handle that? I dont know if i could.
If Jake is able to efficiently pack his life up and move and is willing to make the commitment to RJ, then he should move. Long distance relationships, even ones with an ocean between them, can work out but they are very, very difficult. Jake needs to weigh his options carefully.
I would seriously consider it. I think that if I were seriously in love and made the commitment they have made I might. I would definitely find a job before I moved over there, as to not blame my SO for financial troubles that would occur. I would definitely move to Germany, I've always wanted to since I started taking German and, to the author, THANK YOU for spelling 'see you later' right! :) Plus, they are young and you can always move back if it doesn't work. And you said that it might not be permanent, so yeah actually I probably would.
The only thing that would make me personally stay is that my grandma is very sick and there is no set amount of time left in her life. But I think that I am going to be hopelessly single for the rest of my life so I don't have to worry :P
I up and left my family and moved 3000 miles to be with my boyfriend. It was very hard because I have a very close-knit family, but it was the best decision I've ever made. Long distance relationships are very hard on your emotions, and I think it would be a great experience for him. I say go for it.
if his job is easily replaceable or just a stepping stone to a bigger/better career and its only for a year or so, why not? he's young and i'm assuming not really tied down to any major commitments such as a mortgage or high-pressure career so maybe he should just go for it.
My fiance is currently in Germany (as a US Soldier) for 2-3 years, depending on deployment. I didn't go with him, because I have a good job here, he wouldn't be able to spend much time with me, and I do not want to be left in a foreign country while he's in Iraq. Been there, done that, no thanks.
That said, I doubt his partner is going to Iraq for any part of the research, but there's nothing wrong with being apart, if 1) you can deal with the separation and 2) your opportunities aren't going to be equal or better. No matter how much you love someone, if you're stuck at home all day, because you're competing for jobs with natives, you're going to end up resenting your partner.
That said, there's nothing that says he has to move now, right? Try it out for six months and revisit the issue. Then give it another six months. No sense in rushing. If it's too much, and they can't bear to be separated any longer, then he can move!
hell yea i would move to germany!! besides i looove to travel!!
@sadlypoetic@xanga - aww dont say that u'll find someone and i'm srry about u're grandma
Well, since they can (and have) been able to keep a relationship going when they were 3,000 miles apart, I don't think Jake should pack up his life and move to Germany with his bf. Besides, for now, RJ is only going to be there for one year, right? If I were him, I'd wait it out and keep it long-distance for the time being. If RJ does decide to stay in Germany, perhaps I'll move to join him assuming I can find a job there. Haha. :)
to another country? yes i would if we were going to get married anyways why would it matter you know
I generally don't believe that long distance relationships work. I believe they can work if the two people involved are truly in love. However, I lost faith in people a long time ago to be with someone they are truly in love with.
if he can move, he totally should. however, if he can't, i should say that i'm going to a wedding next month of a couple who were long distance between the east coast and germany for over 2 years so it can be done. good luck to them!
I'd move, the more adventure the better!
I'd move to Germany INDEFINITELY and if things are not working out or if I don't feel comfortable in Germany I'd look at RJ and say "Listen, this isn't working out. I'm not asking you to give up your research, but I can't stay here. So either stay here or come back with me, and if you stay, maybe it's good, and maybe the timing's bad."
Or if they succeeded at being long distance lovers then maybe they should try that again, but how long will that work?
if they're truly committed to each other & in love as they say, I don't see the harm in him staying with the job here in the US for now.. especially seeing as he's only a year into it. they're still young & they still have their whole lives ahead of them so might as well take advantage of this time apart to really develop their independence before taking that next big step. their relationship sounds very strong so distance shouldn't affect it. :) & they can do visits & continue with skype. :)
IFF:
1. Jake's job isn't the greatest/he doesn't love it
2. Jake has the potential to find a new job in Germany
3. It's what's right for them
4. Visiting each other throughout the year isn't a feasible option
5. There's a very, very good chance that it'll be longer than a year
Then heck yes!! I'd pack up and go!
xP