by
Mr. Macchiato
I have a friend I have lunch with now and then. I always enjoy breaking bread with him, but I can't stand how he talks down to the wait staff! He is incredibly condescending to them - when he orders, he refuses to look the waiter in the eye. If the kitchen is slow, he'll even make remarks about the service while the waiter is still in earshot! Ugh, the embarrassment...
He is always super nice to me though. I wasn't sure how to reconcile that, until one day I came across an article that put it bluntly: "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person."
The article had more: ""Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with. Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles." (
source)
Since then, I have always looked for how someone treats the wait staff - whether I'm on a date or at a business dinner. In my professional and personal life, I just can't trust someone who is nice to me but rude to the waiter. It is my #1 dating pet peeve.
I'm not the only one that thinks this - one survey by a dating service found 52% of people thought that being rude to waiters ranks as the #1 breach of dating etiquette! Number two was blowing your nose at the table (35%).
Does it bother you if a date is rude to the waiter or waitress? What's your #1 dating pet peeve?
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Comments (56)
definite turn-off.
Yeah rudeness to other people is totally uncool. I used to have a boyfriend who is ALWAYS rude but I put up with him for like a really long time. And I feel stupid for having done so. I did tell him off once but then he managed to get back at me. Can you believe that guy?
Anyway, my number one dating pet peeve would be divided attention. Texting in front of me, taking calls while having dinner, checking out other girls (even discreetly). That would be my number one pet peeve. I'm totally loving this supported site.
datingish comment me.
It would bother me if my date was rude to the waiter/ waiterness,
I think my worst nightmare date would be if she prefer texting/using her phone during the date.
I agree. I don't like it when people are rude to the wait staff.
My No. 1 dating pet-peeve is when my date EXPECTS me to pay. If she at least offers, I will happily pay for the date.
Good food for thought.
That article definitely gives a different perspective to people.
Thanks :)
i hate hate hate when a guy picks up his cell phone in the middle of a date!
Yes it would bother me. As my second job I work at KFC. It is nothing fancy but I am a senior there now and I get good pay for what I do and they work around my hours. Anyway I think that people who deem it necessary to treat me and my colleagues like lesser beings just because we work in fast food are seriously rude beings, people I wouldn't want to associate with.
As for dating peeves I would have to say I don't like it when they assume things about me, like how I am, or what I want. I like to be asked.
there was an article that someone wrote about dating and how you treat other people. Long story short, it describes your personality of how you treat people you view as lower than you. So thats how your friend apparently views people he considers lower than him.
I've gotten upset about different stores and management before. But I don't think people should treat people like that. You can't really blame the waiting staff they are just trying to do their jobs. Unless they are purposely being rude. Even if that were the case, you don't have to be rude just never go there again.
But yah, I say count your blessings and be glad you realized this about them than through another way that might not have been as pleasant.
I think that's awful, luckily it's never happened to me, but I would be so embarrassed if the person I was with was rude the waiter- their just doing their job, a tough one at that.
I also hate when someone is late for a date. That really annoys me.
good point you have there
@manilajones@xanga - I think if you are asking a girl out on a first date, you should pay. Just as if she asks you out, she should pay. I dislike it when people wanting to date want to go somewhere with me to spend money when I don't have extra money to spend on their "desires".
This may be slightly skewed from my personal experience though.
wow, i like this. once i was really rude to a waiter but it was because i was in a foul mood in general. it really pissed off my friends! i guess it's just another example that you should just be honest with your feelings instead of trying to cover them up with selective fake nice acts.
Absolute worst thing one can ever do when on a date, especially the first date, is have that damn cell phone on the table with the ringer on as if he is waiting for his escape out of there! If the date is going badly, just say so. Trust me, I know I will if I'm not having fun.
Being rude to the wait staff is tied in first place as well.
i totally agree. i had a friend who was incredibly rude to waiters and didn't even change his behavior after i called him out on it. how you treat those serving you is a good indication of how you will treat everyone else in your life, i think, and i don't want to associate with anyone who will treat me or others badly.
Being rude to a waiter or waitress = ultimate turn-off for me. >:(
I would be mortified if I were on a date and my date was rude to the wait staff. I do think that it's a good indicator of what kind of person your date is.
Hell yes that bothers me! Especially because I've waited tables and so I know what they go through.
My number one dating pet peeve (and pet peeve in life in general) is inconsideration - being late, not calling when you say you're going to, just general inconsideration for others because to me that simply says that the person is selfish and self-centered.
absolutely agree. the waiter test is a great gauge of a persons character. like you said, the person doesn't value those in a subordinate role. i'd reconsider my friendship with that person. if it's a date, this is the first AND last date. it's not me, it's totally you.
My sister and sister-in-law both are waitress. The way they are treated is totally wrong. It's not some cheap cafe in the middle of no-where. (The place is located among a huge tourist attraction) My sister recently was throwing up and dehydrated (almost passing out) back in the kitchen from stress...she got walked out on a angry couple that time and she ended up crying and decided that she can't do that kind of job any longer, the people were too rude and blamed her for every wrong thing, yelling and acting totally uncalled for. She said the rudest are the elderly men.....
Rudeness to wait staff is definitely a red flag. The other first-date turnoff for me is someone that talks about nothing but themselves.
agree, definately rude!
My mom is the complete opposite, she acts like the wait staff is FAMILY. ...every time...used to drive me crazy but you really get good memories from them. And if they're down, she always brightens their day> that's why i love my mom. (and sometimes want to smack her, but i always end up loving her in the end!)
My pet peeve? oh,i dont like yelling at a restaurant...
oh, i liked what someone said above, Being ontime. i dont liek it when people are late, (30 min. or more... 10 min. is kinda pushing my buttons) and dont CALL and say it. If they called, it'd be okay, but no call= no date.
well...probably, but i've never had to experience that so WHO KNOWS.
My pet peeve is mainly apathy. I am taking you on a date and you don't care? Whats the point?
And that guy is a jerk, seems a bit impatient and I think he might view himself as successful so he might not enjoy "mingling" with people "lower" than him. I know too many people that work as waiters and I just don't understand why they go through all that. Plus more often then not they might not get a tip.
Courtesy and respect are big issues for me, so if I'm out with someone and they are rude or inconsiderate to anyone, not just waitstaff but other workers or guests, that's a flat out deal breaker. How you treat others you aren't trying to impress is one of the best indicators of how you'll treat the person you're trying to win over once they're with you.
One of the things that attracted me to my boy was his courtesy. He holds doors open, gives up his seat for someone who needs it more, etc. It's second nature for him, not an act, and that's easy to spot. And sure enough, now that we've been together for so long and we're no longer trying to impress each other, he is still a kind, considerate, respectful person, even if less-than-stellar situations.
Pet Peeve: A drive-by drop off. You know, the kind where they drop you off in the street and drive away like they have another hot date to catch. What if I'm locked out? What if I get raped on the way up the driveway? Okay probably not going to happen. But still, just walk me to the door. Something old-fashioned and unneccessary, but it's nice. You really don't have the extra two minutes?