by
Mr. MacchiatoI heard back from
my friend who tracked down a girl from a Boston trade show. We collectively advised him to send this Facebook message:
"Hi Samantha. It was nice meeting you on the bus and I was disappointed that I didn't run into you again during the conference. I hope you had a good time in Boston. Let me know if you're ever in San Diego and are looking for a tour guide! "
Kudos to the Datingish community, because she wrote back! With his permission, I'm sharing her reply:
"Hi ___ - it was nice to meet you on the shuttle bus too! Boston is an awesome city and I really enjoyed my time there! I didn't realize how huge the conference was and that so many people attended, which probably explains why we didn't run into each other. Thanks for your San Diego tour guide offer! I hope you enjoyed Boston as well! –Samantha"
Here is my analysis of the email:
- I count four separate exclamation points! That's a lot of enthusiasm. I read this one of two ways: 1) She's interested in my friend, and so she's being enthusiastic, or 2) She's socially oblivious to the impact of her looks (see last post), and is just being nice and friendly. Too close to call either way.
- She doesn't end in any sort of open-ended question. If I were interested in a girl, I would end my email with something like, "Maybe I'll see you at the next conference in _____." Ok, it's not an outright question, but it gives the other person something to respond to.
Overall, I think the message could go either way. What do you think?
a) She's not interested - she's just being friendly
b) She might be interested, she hasn't really thought about it that much
c) She shows signs of being interested
Along with your diagnosis, my friend is wondering if the message warrants a reply. If so, what should he say?
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Comments (47)
I would interpret that as her just being an excitable person but who isn't really very interested at least not in a dating relationship though maybe friendship. It was short and to the point with nothing to respond to after all.
As a girl, the first thing I noticed was that she didn't have an open ended question in her reply. I'm between A & B. I think your friend's reply, if at all, should be short & even a bit comical so that she has the option to reply, or at the very least, smile at the message. Good luck to your friend! =)
Sorry but I don't see much hope. For example, she didn't say she'd consider/plan a trip to San Diego. Like the previous commenter said, there's nothing to say in response. Sorry again for your friend!
Not interested at all, IMO.
But props to your friend anyway.
Yeah, this one is heading towards nowhere. Your friend's going to have to reply with something amazing that piques interest and will trigger a good response to salvage this one.
And don't ever use the word "nice" in any sentence that relates to you.
Considering that they might live on different sides of the country, the only way this was going somewhere was to establish a good connection at the conference. Like by sleeping together. :)
Logically, I say A. As a romantic, I hope it's B. :)
she's not even remotely interested. this was definitely, "i have to be polite and friendly, but close the door" type message.
no more messages unless it's conference/work related... otherwise your friend will be relegated to stalker.
I'm pretty sure there's nothing to be done. Anything else would just seem really creepy.
I know you counted the exclamation points, but I wouldn't put much emphasis on it. I use them sometimes even if I'm not excited or enthusiastic. I just thought it would be better with it there.
I'm feeling hopeless for your friend, it doesn't seem like she's interested with her message. But hey, he doesn't have to lose hope. Maybe she just didn't know how to express herself in her message. I'll wish him luck if he does reply to come up with a good non-creepy message.
it seems more like she's being friendly, but I wouldn't say much else. The lack of any suggestion of potential plans sounds like it's just a polite thank you and nothing more
I think he should move on.
A, because she didn't say anything in her message that he could reply to.
Man, it's better to just try and have no regrets instead of asking 'What if she did like me and she was the one...' for the rest of your life.
I'd say ask for her number and try to have a real conversation or just build up from the facebook messages/wall2wall.
Failure isn't her saying no, but you never trying to see what she would have said. That's how it is in my book.
I think it's more like A-- it's one bus ride. Maybe your friend should consider consistent communication with the girl.. then, she might be interested. But to keep it friendly-- not too obvious of the pursuit... otherwise it'll freak her out. btw-- how does ur friend know if she doesn't read this? or is subscribed to you?
A. If she were interested, I definitely think that she would have had an open ended question if nothing more than to get a little bit more information about this guy that contacted her (you can only find out so much about each other on a shuttle bus ride).
sounds like a single serving friend to me. but hey, if something brings them together again, sparks have the potential to fly?
@Ironstove@xanga - I completley agree. Regardless of whether she is interested or not, I don't think that is the point. If you are truly interested in her, then don't let yourself regret.
with the overwhelming majority, i'd also say she wasnt interested. it sounds like a friendly reply. she cleverly replied to all points of his questions/comments and cunningly (and probably purposely) didn't leave him anything to respond with.
definitely a girl thing.
and sry about the alliteration. it just spouts out! lol
Yup, she doesn't sound interested -- because if she was, there would have been some flirtations. Overall she was just being friendly to him.
I'd have to vote "b" - she seems chatty, warm and friendly, and at this point shouldn't be so obvious if she's interested. But I think if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have responded much at all.
Sadly, A. Maybe B with a lack of communication skills. Too many exclamation points, not enough question marks.
Bottomline, not to repeat the masses... she didn't give any indication that she would like to continue the conversation. If I wanted to keep in touch with someone, I would have started to ask some questions, politely try to get to know the person, or say something that would warrant a response.
Exclamation points are something I use to be polite and sound friendly... in this case to cushion the fact that i'm not terribly interested, and I don't want to come across as a b****.
I could totally be wrong though! and good luck to your friend! :)
Dude, I think she's totally into you.
She seems really shy and/or is playing "hard to get." You should totally write back.
Too ambiguous to make any assumptions. "Going for it" would not make sense. If anything, best to just stay penpals and if she visits, your friend can see from there. Or if your friend ever goes to her area, then he can at least have a tour guide.
Very vague. Assuming here could be dangerous.
I think there's another way around this though;
saying things by...not actually saying them.
Try some of Facebook's useful tricks of flirting-
-pokes
-picture comments
-wall posts
try to comment on something seemingly minuscule and pointless, and see how she responds. this will tell you more.
No reply.
::Rico::