by
Mr. Macchiato
Came across this awesome Dr. Date advice column (via
d4nnyb0i)
Dear Dr. Date,
I need a little help to recruit myself a sorority girl. I am an IT Honors student, and not exactly the type of guy who dates a lot.
This girl is in my IT honors physics class and has been for the past year. She is pretty, smart, and all I can ever man up to talk to her about is physics, which she one day wants to teach.
Basically, for an IT Honors guy, she's the E to my MC squared. She has the equation to make my mass rise.
I've tried to make some subtle moves to try to get her attention. However, the closest thing I've gotten to a date was a study party with three or four other people.
Dr. Date, you've got to understand! I'm so strongly attracted to her that scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force. Shouldn't Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation just naturally come into play?
To be honest, I would really like to avoid joining a fraternity just to catch her attention. I know that all sorority girls don't just date frat guys, so how can I be THAT guy? Any tips on how to rush her my way would be greatly appreciated.
-Gravitated to an
AGD Dr. Date's answer was deeply disappointing (it can be
found here), so I thought we'd see if Datingish readers can do better.
How would you advise our geeky friend to catch the attention of the girl in his IT honors physics class?
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Comments (19)
that was a disappointing answer, indeed. why not talk about physics if that's what they both love? i say nothing works better than honesty and sincere appreciation. he obviously admires her for more than just her looks; he should tell her that he thinks she's beautiful and smart and loves that she's passionate about the sciences and teaching others in the future and then ask to take her out to dinner. is that too simple?
Dr. Date says "I really have no clue, but if I just keep talking, maybe you'll be fooled."
That was a horrible answer from Dr. Date. He should just keep talking to her and get her to talk about her interests and share some of his own. Then, when he's feeling brave invite her to do something based on a mutual interest. I'm thinking a museum might be a good idea for these two smart kids.
Dr. Date's answer is horrible. "Talking about physics won't get you anywhere. Talking about art and literature just might work, however." WTF?! Talk about perpetuating stereotypes.
Every girl is different. But I probably have a better idea of how to approach her than Dr. Date. Why? Because I am a woman who also happens to be a scientist. Most of my female friends are also scientists/ doctors/ engineers and we're considered to be attractive.
If she loves physics, then talk to her about physics! If she wants to teach one day, you can talk to her about her aspirations. Maybe you can do a little research and start up a conversation with something like "Hey, I heard that you're interested in teaching one day. Have you heard about this TA/ tutoring/ etc opportunity?"
Or ask what she thinks of a physics paper you recently read. Or poke fun of your physics professor and make her laugh. Or just simply ask her if she wants to work on a p-set together. Your physics class is your common bond!
Most importantly, just be yourself. You never know! A lot of women in the sciences (even the really beautiful and sexy ones) have unconventional taste in men because they've been surrounded by geeks their entire lives. I myself have a huge soft spot for dorky guys. I ended up marrying one of the dorkiest guys I know.
Engage her in ways that are exciting, not boring. Along the way, find out what things appeal to her in terms of what she's looking for in a guy. There are a lot of general attributes that a lot of women find appealing, but
then there'll be specific stuff that will really trigger her interest in you. Considering her field of interest, she might be in to geeky guys. If she is, you definitely want to find that out.
Since it's college, there are lots of opportunities to
meet up and probably fewer barriers to folks just trying out
relationships without too much long-term planning.
You want to find compatibilities between the two of you, but you also want to avoid actions that will put you in the friend category.
Letting yourself go gaga over her is probably only going to paralyze you when critical moments come or make you do creepy things. So get a handle on that. Yeah, I know feelings can be hard to manage. But try. Mind tricks. Talking to other girls. Whatever.
I think the only specific tip I have is not to compliment her too much before you ask her out.
If all else is tried and fails, booze can be your wingman.
Unfortunately, I don't think we'll ever get the poor guy to read this or respond, so I'm leaving this short.
Universal Gravitation is a bad principle to base your view on attraction. Immunology might be a better field. You have billions of possible antigen/antibody combinations, and only some of them will match up perfectly. You can adjust a bit for a makeshift fit, but those will only last for a limited time. And chances are that you probably won't fit at all from the start.
That was definitely a lame answer. It seems as if the IT guy is waiting for the girl to make the move. If he likes her, he needs to be proactive. If she's interested in physics and they're both in school, there has to be some sort of seminar on physics. He could invite her out to see the seminar and then to coffee afterward. It may be a low hassle way to figure out if she likes him and to get conversation flowing.
@spiritedsherry@xanga - You beat me to the advice I wanted to give.
I've also spent a lot of time with scientists and engineers, and I agree. Why not let your shared interest build a bridge? I'd also suggest an outing to a physics lab or museum, just the two of them. If she says "Yes" and goes with the guy, he has a shot.
i always feel there is so much more to a person than just their career and although physics is a common ground, dig deeper. let's start with lunch and see if she's interested in hanging out. point is to get together outside of class. i really hope this becomes more than just physics all the time.
As being the girl in a situation similar to that once, my advice to this man would be to simply say "Hey, you know what, I know we spend a lot of time in class together, but why don't we get coffee sometime?"
If the girl is really a smart, intelligent woman, she will also see what qualities are in him and respect a simple, direct approach. She may have no clue he is interested!
And, if they both love Physics, talk about it! Why not? It's a common interest. But of course, in the long term, its essential they have other common interests and discussion topics. Getting lunch or coffee is the perfect way to go from physics to "You like ____, me too!"
Dr. Date spends the first half of his answer telling him that IT guys waste his time, and the next half telling him to read a book. Why is he Dr. Date?
I agree that physics is a good way to start talking to the girl, which he has already done. But girls like a little more action, so I suggest he start taking the initiative in asking her out for a coffee or lunch. Let her know that you find her attractive with a few of your nice compliments, and let her decide if she really wants to try hanging out. Talk about different movies to see what kind of movie genre she likes and spark another conversation there.
I might not be giving good advice since I have no experience with guys, but this is what I feel works. Still, I wish you the best of luck with the girl of your dreams!(If you read this, that is)
i would advise you to stop being such a pussy! if you don't man up and ask her out, she won't be interested in you. just introduce yourself, tell her what you like about her and ask her if she wants to continue the conversation over dinner. the worst that can happen is that she be a total bitch to you, but at least then you wont obsess over her anymore! it's win win. now stop writing about it on the internet and man up!
this is so cute! i hope she's "smart" enough to figure out he likes her!
Hey just start out slow thats great enough already, or just go in front of her with roses that'll be great too!!!
Does she like you? When you look at her, does she give you the feeling that she likes you back? When you sit closer to her, does she come in as well?
Don't throw yourself out there with no rope to climb back on.
I would say just don't give up, and always, always, always BE YOURSELF. Maybe after talking about physics he can ask her what her other interests are, and they can develop a conversation. Hopefully, she'll realize that he's interested in who she is, and that will lead to more study dates or coffee. :)
The best way to get closer to her is by getting to know her first, and then making her realize your feelings for her. If you come on too strong, you could scare her away.
First, start talking about something other than class, such as a current happening on campus or locally. Or ask what kind of music she listens to. Talk about something other than physics so she sees you as a multidimensional person. I am a musician, and as much as I love it when men want to talk about music, if that is ALL they talk about, I start to wonder if they are interested in anything about me besides the fact that I am a musician. I don't even talk about music non stop with my composer friends, and they actually know how to talk about it.
After you've talked about a few non physics things, ask her on a date. Just something simple, nothing intimidating or fancy. Just as long as it's just the two of you.
My advice would be "Bite the bullet, get some balls and simply walk up to her and start a chat. Simple."
Honestly, you probably have much more of a foot in than you think.
I've seen intelligent people flirt over going through a biology book together. You might just be overlooking signals from her. Just find out some activity you both enjoy and invite her to come along. Maybe a lecture on physics?
Dr.Date doesn't sound like the brightest bulb to me.
too bad she's not teaching bio. cause nerdy pick up lines are sweet! "If I were an enzyme I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip Your genes."
or you can buy her the latest mariah carey album and ask: "will you be my mc squared?"
ok, i'm terrible at this. sorry. but good luck!