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Miss Double ShotI think the hardest part of being in a relationship with Ex-BF was trying to delegate time with both him and my best friends. We got together pretty quickly - none of this whole "does he like me?" pondering and shyness; we just started hanging out all the time - and I didn't realize how hard it was going to strain the relationship I'd already built with my roommate and down-the-hallmate Marie.
Earlier that year, I'd hang with my roomie and Marie - we'd eat dinner together and take our time, maybe walk around campus a little bit, goof around and talk in the dorm lobby and wander upstairs whenever we wanted . . . but once I met the boy, things changed. After my fifteen minute dinner was over, I'd run home,
get Pringles and go out - once I got home, it was homework time until I passed out.
Marie confronted me one night while I was hurrying to get my homework done. "I know you're really excited about having a boyfriend, but I never see you anymore!"
I didn't realize that I had been such a bad friend until she called me out on it . . . then I felt horrible.
How do you balance the time you spend with significant others and best friends?
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Comments (22)
Perhaps your boy and your friends can be good friends as well and then you guys can hang out together. Just make sure when a friend calls you out to hang out, don't always be saying you have plans with the boy... 'cause that pisses us off. You have to leave some space for yourself and your friends. If you have plans with the boy today, then promise to hang out the next day with the friend. When you're having troubles with your bf, who you going to run to when you've pushed away all your bff's? I have so many friends who have become like that... =(
That is one of my biggest pet peeves is when friends disappear the second they get a boyfriend. I think this happens primarily in college because all of a sudden you're living close by (sometimes just down the hall) and you can see them so easily and you can sleep over and your parents can't say anything about it. People get too serious too fast in college because of it.
Any boy who is worth it would want you to have friends and hang out with them.
This always gets to me. I'm usually playing the role of the "now-is-a-girlfriend's-friend". It totally sucks. But I think, in the first few months when their relationship is still new and fresh, I would try not to bother them, because obviously they're in a very exciting stage of their relationship and it's probably one of the best phases in a relationship. But if they keep cutting everyone out but each other, I would gradually grow tired of it and just walk out. It's great that a friend can find someone, but when they start to disregard everyone else, that becomes very rude and irritating.
If a friend can be your best friend when they are single and ignore you when they find a girlfriend/boyfriend, then you're probably better off without them.
It's always good to find a medium. It's good to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but it's better to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and friends.
Everyone spends less time with their friends when they have a significant other. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.
Well, the general rule of thumb is that when you meet someone, everybody else goes on the back burner. It's the same as when we were teens and we stopped going to the movies with our parents to go to the mall with our friends and smoke cigarettes. When the new relationship settles or ends, then the person will have more time for friends.
people focus only on their sig other and forget about everything else. it seems pretty normal to be in that honeymoon phase for 3 months but after that they need to realize their is more to life than your bf/gf. especially when you hit the mid twenties, hopefully maturity kicks in opposed to revolving your lfe around one person.
drop a hint, i saw your face on the side of a milk carton.
After nearly 2.5 years, my boyfriend and I are best friends. I spend nearly every evening and most weekends with him.
Friends are for afternoons, and occasional evenings. Since my boyfriend and I hang out every day, he's usually okay with it if I take a day off for friends once in a while. Unless I have really specific plans with my boyfriend, I won't ever blow off other friends.
And, as someone mentioned above, often, I can hang out with my boyfriend and my friends.
My friends and I do group dates on a regular basis. We'll usually spilt up into 2 groups, ie the girls will hit the malls and the guys will have coffee and talk about xbox games and automobile stuff and after that we'll all do dinner in a big group. It allows me to be able to spend quality time with the girls and yet be able to be with my bf. It's a win-win situation really. We now regard each other's significant other as our friends rather then a friend's bf.
Oh my. I had and still have the same problem as well! I wonder what the readers think.. I'm going to go check them out and perhaps post an entry about my own situation!
I had a girlfriend who would hang out with us (her girlfriends) until she met a guy. Then she would completely disappear: no phone calls or emails, wouldn't return OUR calls or emails... and then, when the relationship ended, she'd call us and claim she "needed her girlfriends".
As a married person, believe me, I understand how important THAT relationship is. BUT (and I can't speak for the guys here; maybe it is similar? I don't know) my girlfriends are my "support network"... one of the most important relationships in the world for any woman is the one she has with her best friend. Men come and go (especially when you are young), but your girlfriends are there for you WHENEVER.
The key is BALANCE. Call your girls back. Go out with them. Go out with your boyfriend/significant other. Don't blow anyone off. It isn't really all that difficult.
when i started dating someone one friend totally became really upset about it, it's funny she was there for me when all my other relationships failed but when i finally got it right, it felt she was trying to tear us apart like she didn't want me to have a b/f and almost thought it was a passing phase.
i think for a lot of my friends they have their own lifes with their b/fs and husbands, and we get together from time to time, which is great, at one time i was the only single friend, and i hated doing things alone so i always found someone to do things with. I guess i did a lot more things with this one girl than anyone else. but the thing is she has a husband he just doesn't like doing the same things as her.
for me i found someone that likes doing the same things as me, so when i want to do something i know he will be right there with me. i still get together with almost everyone about the same amount except for her since she did take up a lot of time. i sort of wish her and her husband had more in common now. I'm sure if i didn't have her i would be okay even if i was single since it's always easy to make friends. *shrugs*
i guess it all depends, but seriously i think as a person you should enjoy life with yourself and have many friends, not just depending on one person to be your social life, that way if one of your friends "disappears" on you, you won't be all butt hurt and try to ruin their relationship or make your friend free bad for finding a relationship and leaving your behind. that's just my thoughts.
a lot of people come in go, good friends are always around, even if you don't see them eveyr week. the friends that need to see you all the time are needy and need to get their own life. ^_^
My best friend suddenly fell into a relationship and both of us needed time to get use to the change.
when a relationship just started, they stuck to each other most of the time. The passion will slow down later on. Therefore, be patient! You girl friend will come back.
I don't have best friends, well my boyfriend is my best friend :D and most of my other friends are from the same school as I am, so it's no problem hanging out with them. But I'm rather spending my time with boyfriend.
That's why you have friend nights where he goes and does who knows what with his mates, and you do the same with yours. Just once a week - plan something with your friends... it's the way forward.
I definitely think it's a science. I've always been able to balance
pretty well but there are a few of my other friends that really can't
do it. I definitely think that you can do things together with your
significant other and your friends together but you have to make an
effort to do things with just your friends as well. If you have a
tradition with your friends, i.e. a movie night every month, it doesn't
bode well for you to change your schedule with your friends to see your
SO.
uhm... i understand that in a new relationship, my bff very might well disappear.... i just sorta accept that and move on. i know if i'm having a disaster she'll be there for me... but if all fair in the world, i don't see a problem with her spending the bulk of her time with the dude. especially if the relationship just started.
It's definitely a delicate balance, and it's not always easy. I love my boyfriend dearly, but I love my best friends just as much. I schedule out my time. My girlfriends and I plan days to get together in advance, and we stick to that. We even have traditions, such as every Wednesday we watch our friends play softball then meet for coffee afterwards. I always make sure there is time for them in my life. I know that whenever I don't have plans, my boyfriend will be up for hanging out. He tries to hang out with the guys on the same days I'm hanging with the girls so there is still time for the two of US to hang out... because while you are busy trying not to ignore your friends, it is not nice to ignore your significant other either. (Undoubtedly, romantic relationships take more tending to than long-lasting friendships sometimes.)
You know what they say about the 3rd wheel right?
Friends before Boyfriends/Girlfriends. That's the way I like to think it because you're friends were always there and are still going to be there when you guys break up. Just try to keep your friends in touch too. Tell them how you're doing and take some time to go hang out with them. You can't always hang out with your bf/gf so whenever you have free time, plan something with them and I think they'd be grateful.
My main strategy is to always make plans. Whether it be with friends or the boy, I like to have things organized and planned, so I tend to work on a first come first serve basis. A lot of my time goes to the boy mostly bc we're new, but for the most part I feel like actively making "dates" with anyone is a good way to divide up time and make sure you are spreading your time between friends and romantic relationships.
@miss_prettyinpink@xanga - i couldn't agree more.