By
Miss Double Shot
I was talking to my friend Michelle about Datingish over the weekend when we met for coffee, and she said she wanted advice on a recent Ish moment that left her baffled.
Michelle had dated Rob in high school for two years. When they broke up, it was amicable and mutual - they were both headed off to different colleges and didn't want to have the relationship hanging over their heads for the four years they'd spend apart. Understandable.
This past summer, after Michelle and Rob had both graduated, they met back up in their hometown and started spending ...quality time.... together again. From what I understand, they were friendly and flirty with each other, but there was no official "are we dating again or not?" talk, just hanging out and getting reacquainted. She didn't mention if they hooked up at all or if they intended to date again.
They went to the movies together one night with one of Rob's friends, and when it came time to pay, Rob paid for his ticket and his friend's - "I owe him money," he explained - but not Michelle's. She was furious and left.
"We dated for two years and he didn't even offer to pay for my ticket," she said.
What do you make of the situation? If you were Rob, would you have paid?
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Comments (61)
If I were Michelle and she don't have the talk and things are just kind of wishy washy, I would've used the ticket event to figure out where things stood. I don't think that it's necessarily rude that the guy didn't pay.
if i'm in a good mood or feeling generous i have no problem paying for a friends meal or movie but it's never expected of me. it's not like we're dating. and there lies the answer. if i was always paying for someone i'd stop hanging out with them b/c of the freeloading. some girls expect their guy friends to pay for everything why?
while I understand that she probably feels offended by it given their history and all... and I think I would be disappointed too... I think your friend is overreacting. Would she expect any other "friend" to pay for her things? She needs to use the experience as a reality check. If she is looking for something more, it is time to talk to him about it. If not, then she shouldn't expect relationship perks without the whole shebang.
i'd think that he should pay ... but maybe that's only bc i'm a girl. if i were a guy, i'd say, pay for yourself!
I don't expect my EX to pay for me..and he did in the beg when we first hang out but later on, we just pay our own.
It would be nice of them to ASK. I mean, it kind of makes you the third wheel in that scenario. Like you're tagging along to their man date. This happened to me once, just with friends, though, and that's how I felt about it, anyway. I would have at least offered.
haha "admit one" - classic!
i would definitely pay... i always pay in situations like that.
Maybe she was expecting something because more is going on than she told you about. Someone is either sending mixed signals or receiving mixed signals. I would have paid for myself in that situation and probably wouldn't have freaked out, but there might be more to this situation.
I would not have offered to pay. At this point they are friends and only friends thus there is no rational reason for him to be expected to pay unless of course she always expects all of her friends to pay for her anytime they hang out in which case she is nothing but a mooch.
This is why you don't reconnect with exes. There was a third party. It was not a date. He should have offered to pay and she should have declined his offer and paid for herself.
Eh, I think it was kind of tacky to pay for the friend without paying for her, but if he wasn't paying for the friend, nothing wrong there.
Also, it didn't seem like the kind of situation where anyone had planned ahead enough to offer so that she could politely decline.
And if she's so strung up about it, he can find a better girl anyway.
I guess from her point of view it's the whole "I wasn't going to let him pay for it, but it was nice he even asked"-- but frankly, why should he pay? If it's over, then it's over. As far as their recent flirtiness-- SO WHAT! and if they haven't had the talk it's both their faults.. esp the girl since she was bothered by it.
OH, and get ur tickets at costco-- 7 bucks compared to the 10+ at the theaters
wow reading these comments, they say that he should have paid for her? i don't think so. they aren't dating, they are just friends, i wouldn't expect any of my friends to pay for me if we were going to a movie together or pay for me just because they were paying for a friend that they owed.
there is probably more going on than she's saying. she probably thought they were kind of dating again and expected him to treat her because of that, but because he didn't treat her she got a sad reality check that he just wasn't that into her and they were really "just" friends all this time. which probably hurt... which would make it understandable that she left then.
@raindrops23@xanga - agreed.
I wouldnt have paid cos youre not expected to pay for a friend just cos she's a girl you dated some years ago.
That's kind of ridiculous that she expected him to pay. I don't even EXPECT guys that I am dating to pay for things for me. I'm all about the independence. Yeah, it's nice when they do. But I never expect it.
If they're not "official", she shouldn't be throwing a hissy fit.
AHHHH. Difficult situation. I think she should've been more understanding. It seems like her hopes were a bit high since they were "hanging out." She should've just been fine with it and exhibited her INDEPENDENCE. It's just a movie ticket...big woop. I doubt she didn't have an expendable $8 to forego at a theater...
I don't think she should have been mad that he didn't pay for her ticket. After all, they dated a while ago and he was not obligated to pay because they are just friends presently.
its not a date... so i wouldnt be expecting to pay for the girl
unless i asked the girl out for a movie then i'd offer to pay
most of my girl friends usually and actually give me the money before we even get the tickets
I'm a little late on this, but she is completely overreacting. I think it's just rude to expect a guy to pay for you and then storming off if he doesn't. Your friend sounds a bit spoiled.
totally agree with most ppl above - why should rob pay??? who flips out over a $10 movie ticket - seriously? typical princess syndrome. did she also expect you to pay for her coffee?
they are friends, it's unreasonable for her to expect him to pay. she had no right to be mad at him.
I've been in this situation, and never expected the former flame to pay. Does he on occasion? Sure, but to assume he should? Not so much.
If it had been a girl friend she'd reconnected with years later, she wouldn't be upset, would she? Unless the relationship is honestly progressing forward, and not (sad to say) our female need to overanalyze and deduce that we are somehow more than friends bc we're spending QT together again, then what he did was fine.
I am concerned that she thought he should've paid -- and the reason he paid for the other friend is legit -- just bc it feels like she seems to think they've progressed and his seemingly innocent non-gesture comes as a form of rejection.
rob is a cheap jerk obviously
i don't think rob did anything wrong. they dated for two years... like 4 years ago. now they're technically friends. he should have only paid for her ticket if he was dating or interested in dating her. i think she was overreacting.