By
Miss Double Shot You've already heard a little about Jim -
his parents didn't like me, remember?
We were friends from the end of high school until about halfway through college. Our relationship was a strange one - we bonded over musicals, milk based delights from Steak and Shake and, oh yeah, hating 99% of the population.
Jim, like me, was extremely passive-aggressive, but he was also angry and could get belligerent over the most inconsequential issues - not being able to find parking spaces, birds that wouldn't move out of the road, people not answering their phones - and would take it out on his friends.
His nickname for me was "bitch", as in, "Hey bitch, want to go drive around for a while?" or "Bitch, why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" I had just started cursing (
you know me - a late bloomer) and thought it was both hilarious and endearing that I could have a nickname like that. It didn't occur to me that he could have been compensating for his low self-esteem by trying to demean me . . . or that I could be doing the same thing by taking it.
We would get into fights where he wouldn't call me for months, and once he'd forgotten why he was mad at me, he'd call and we'd hang out again. After a while, I got fed up with having to wait around for him to get un-mad at me and stopped answering my phone.
"Um, bitch," one message said, his voice tinny and nasal, "I just kind of want to know why you're being such an ass to me...I mean...I really want to hang out with you but I can't if you never pick up your damn phone."
When I finally called him out on it later, he was dumbfounded.
"I don't like it when you call me 'bitch'," I said.
"...but you liked it before," he replied.
"No, I didn't. Don't call me that anymore."
"Wow, someone's being a bitch," he snapped.
I hung up.
Jim and I don't hang out anymore.
You don't have to share your story if you don't care to, but have you ever been in a relationship or friendship with someone who didn't respect you? How did you handle it?
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Comments (19)
Sorry about using the term after that story, but I dropped the bitch like the idiot she was...
She tried to convince me that her long lost daddy owned the state we lived in and that he'd found Atlantis...
I secretly rofl'd in my mind a lot. Like... you expect me to believe this? To believe anything you say?
Methinks you no treat people right.
I did. I dated him for most of the summer before my senior year. I even stayed with him for some stupid reason after he raised his hand to me. He didn't actually hit me, but he raised his hand. He was a horrible person, and there is no day that makes me more happy in hindsight than the day I walked away from him.
I also can't stand being called a bitch by a friend or person I am in a relationship with. If it is a stranger I don't care, but someone who knows me should know better and never call me something like that.
Haha, I don't use it as a nickname, but I'll sometimes call my friends "bi-atch" for fun.
I have a friend who I think doesn't respect me the way a friend should. But I chose to ignore it. It was once we entered into high school, so I'm guessing she really wanted to join in to the popular crowd. And she tried hard. It's not anything like doing something I told her not to do, but more like only having me around when she needed me. Hey, we're going our separate ways now(college), and it's not like I was angered to the point of hatred by it; so I chose to keep a friend, rather than lose one.
Yeah...I'm not afraid to talk about this kind of stuff...I don't really feel vulnerable about it. I grew up with a brother like that, who only really started respecting me after I kicked his ass, most of my "friends" in high school were that way, and I was such an infant back then that I couldn't find a way to defend myself from them, because they would seek me out as a friend and abuse me under the guise of friendship...Sort of like barnacles, but I would seek them out too, and let it slide just because I was more afraid of being alone...Having grown up now, I've realized I don't have to tolerate that bullshit from anyone, so I have exactly two real friends in the world, and those are the only people that have ever treated me with nothing but respect.
@HeartOfPandora - i didnt see that part of the story in the entry???
i think im missing a piece of the puzzle here lol
@Ju1cyXCouture@xanga - Ah no, I meant when I said "bitch" lol. Unoriginal, but it's the best way to describe the person I was talking about.
have you ever been semi friends with a bully? it's a one way friendship really. anyway one day i just grew a pair and decided i'm tired of this. i layed the bullys ass out. wasn't long after that the whole family moved out of the neighborhood.
when i was 11, i had a friend who used to hit me and kick me. one day, i just got tired of it and said, "stop" really harshly (which was different for me because i hardly ever expressed anger back then) and she stopped. ahhaha
Freshman year I met these two guys, one was a football player and the other, his best friend, was just way bigger than me (not that that's much of an accomplishment, I'm only like 4"11')... it started with words and somehow I looked past that. It turned into violence, and somehow I ignored that for two years too. They took turns being the jerk, so I was never quite sure which one of them was going to be safe. Over those two years I had a salt packet thrown into my eye, had bruises from being kicked and hit, I had a knife pulled on me and was thrown into traffic. (I didn't get hit, lucky me. There was a school bus coming that one time, too.) Tyler even picked me up off the ground by my hood a few times, and tied me up in a duffel bag and dropped me on my head in the basement..
Aanyway... I put up with that until the end of sophomore year, when I finally had had so much of the bullshit that I wasn't being nice about it anymore. Tyler decided he suddenly didn't like me, and they both stopped talking to me. For at least half of 11th grade I had a tiny case of PTSD from all their shit. And now a year after THAT I still get cold shivers when I see Tyler.. and unfortunately I'm going to the same college as he is. { sigh }
Then there was Jeremy. He treated me like a pair of tits and I put up with it for maybe two years. I guess two years is my limit. I told him we were done and we both mutually stopped talking to each other. It's been maybe only 3 weeks now. I almost miss the attention, since now I really don't get any, but.. well. I can do without that kind of attention.
Sometimes I wish I could take those years back. I went from one bad situation to another. Stupid.
Wow, talk about spilling guts.
I've had two friendships (way back in grade school - when you're already self-conscious about EVERYTHING) that were very damaging to my self-esteem and confidence. They would jokingly tell me I was ugly and stupid, and I first I laughed along with them, knowing it was a joke. I don't know when, but at some point I started believing it was true. That I was stupid, ugly, and that these two friends of mine were SO much better than me - that I didn't deserve their friendship. Whenever we'd argue about something I would always feel like I was wrong, that I was just being an asshole. I couldn't stand up to them. It wasn't until I got to high school that I finally realized that friends are supposed to support you, make you happy - NOT make you feel like the scum of the earth. I've tried talking with one of those two friends about how they made me feel. I would apologize for being a bad friend (because occasionally, I did do some really stupid, shitty things), but she would never say anything the implied she was sorry. That she felt bad about how she treated me. I barely keep in touch with either of those friends now, and I'm enjoying my life a lot more because I'm not surrounded by negativity. I'm surrounded by friends who admire my gifts, not criticize my flaws.
I dated a guy for several years between high school and college. I never realized how demeaning he was to me until I got out of the relationship. He basically kept me under lock and key and got really, really jealous if I became friends with any guys. I didn't have many guy friends in high school but started making them in college. It was particularly hurtful because my bf would hurt me in a lot of subversive ways. It sucked.
PS I love the new layout :)
@shadow720@xanga - to be honest, I had never thought of him as a bully . . . he was just always Jim, cranky and mean, to me! Your comment was like an epiphany for me . . . really!
xoxo, mds
Never an abusive boyfriend but there was a friend that used to use racist terms towards me like I was okay with it or something.
He used to call me the "N-Word" and I really don't like that word for anyone (I don't even like when black people use it for buddy buddy terms en but sometimestoward each other. lol) And I didn't say anything for a year
Once infront of a few friends he had the nerve to say,"Hey Amanda! Do you want to hear some (n-word) jokes?" AND HE HAD A BOOK FULL OF THEM.
I am fine with hearing a black joke now and then but after a while it gets old and very irritating.
And what really pissed me off is that he is okay with EVERY other Black person or not white person in the world and not me!
One day at lunch he tried to crack one of the black jokes and at that point I was totally over it and I didn't even try tofake a laugh and he said,"You dont' like me very much, do you?" and I said no, I don't and he asked why and I just simply said,"You make feel like crap." and he said (sarcastically may I add),"Well I'm sorry that I make you feel that way..."
When we were walking home he says,"Well Amanda officially hates me." And protested thatI didn't say that. I am surprised that I didn't hate him after all of the crap that I went through. And he gets mad at me saying,"You do hate me and you can just go get lynched and burn in Hell and I won't care..."
After a while he did say that I should sit with him at lunch once in a while and I knew that he was sorry for what he put me through. And we're actually ok. He stopped the black jokes and stuff. Even though he is away at rehab for the second time now I haven't spoken to him for a few months. But at least I know that I have his respect for if he returns home. (He graduated high school and last I heard got accepted in a college in Amsterdam)
<3
I hate it when people use the b-word throwing it out like candy. When my friends call me that i get really defensive especially if it's a male friend. I don't tolerate that kind of stuff and i tell the guy right then and there if he can't handle that then maybe it's best that we don't keep in contact because i just might b-slap him.
The last guy i went out on a date when kept calling me stupid or telling me to shut up when i was in the middle of the conversation. it was our first date and wow what an impression he made on me. I just finally stopped him when he was talking and asked him how often does he talk like that to girls. He was confused and i explained to him that it's rude to talk to a girl like that especially someone that he's interested in. And if a girl actually let's him talk to them like that she has no respect for herself. I just didn't want to sit and have to endure his crap anymore so i got up and thank him for lunch. He apologized and has been calling/texting me to go out with him again. Guess what? No thanks.
Being confident and not let people talk down to you makes you look more respectable. Should be common sense but we've all been called names and treated badly because we let it happen.
. . .
though there is a difference when someone is joking around so it's always your call T_T hah
Meh. I had a boyfriend who called me "stupid girl" and the like. He had other respect problems too. Everyone said I could do better than him, that he wasn't nice to me. I would only have been a "stupid girl" to stay with him, so after nine months (too long!) I called it quits.
It was not a fun experience. If there's anything I've learned, it's that people like that generally DON'T change.
Even silly stuff like that can even culminate in abuse. If you're with somebody like that, get out!
i was just thinking this morning about a girl i used to be friends with. she would laugh at me and call me fat all the time. she was so skinny. i finally stopped hanging out with her, and when i saw her again two years ago, she had gained more weight than me.
and i felt kind of guilty.
my best friend recently taught me if someone doesn't make you happy, you should let them go. and i think i've been doing a good job at that.
freinds freinds you want to be with them yet they don't treat you right. So you tell them
I used to get called names like that in elementary school, and some girls thought it was amusing but it was a way for them to believe they were superior to me, by using a derogatory term towards me.
yes, but I have ended all of those.