by
Mr. Macchiato
Mrs. Macchiato and I went to brunch with another couple this weekend. It was reasonably fun, although I am soooo not a fan of double dates.
The boy had an interesting life story: he didn't like college so he dropped out and travelled the world. The second he said that, I thought to myself: he must be the youngest sibling. So I asked and sure enough, he was the youngest of four!
There were a few clues he was a youngest: his risk taking, his impulsive behavior, his not being overly troubled by responsibilities towards his family. But actually the biggest clue of all was his girlfriend: he was happily dating someone who was clearly a first-born.
First borns and youngest make one of the most stable relationship pairings.
According to iVillage (the font of all scientific wisdom): "A first-born married to the last-born ... is an excellent combination. First-born can teach last-born how to be better organized and that there are times when life must be taken seriously. The last-born teaches the first-born that it's okay to have fun once in a while."
Personally, I am sort of a youngest who is married to a first born (eldest of two). I definitely see our birth order at work in our relationship: I will happily head out to dinner without knowing where we are going to eat, hoping that we will run into a fun restaurant as we walk the streets of New York. Hopefully my ever patient first-born wife sees this as an example of my adding a dash of spontaneity to our dynamic?
Well to be completely honest, I'm not completely a youngest: I'm the 3rd of 4 children, so technically I'm a middle... but I'm also the younger of identical twins, so that comes into play too. I think I have some tendencies of youngest (high tolerance for risk taking) along with some tendencies of middles (can sometimes feel ignored). I was excited to read that a "middle [child] makes a good match for anyone (except, perhaps, for another middle)." Viva la middles!
How does your birth order map onto your current (and past) partners'? Is there a pattern to your relationships?
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Comments (48)
i'm a first born and my ex was the youngest. he always thought i was bossing him around and he would 'rebel' even if he was 4 years older than me and i thought he was super immature for his age. guess it really depends on the dynamics of the relationship but i'm sure if that relationship was supposed to work out those roles would have made more sense.
I don't really know. I'm the last born, and he's an only child, so how would that work?
I know that I am fun and spontaneous, but at the same time, because I grew up in foster care, I was always the oldest, so I also teach him the responsibilities... He, is the same way.
So maybe the way you're raised in the birth order?
I'm a middle child, but my brother and I were raised like twins (he's only 16 months younger than me or something). I tend to gravitate toward only children or oldest, or those who're so much the youngest that they're the only one that lives with the parents. I like being the youngest in a situation though, because.. I like the other person to have "authority." It takes most of the decision work out for me and then I don't have to feel like I'm babysitting anybody. I'd rather they feel like they're babysitting me. *Cough*
i'm the baby of the family. i tend to date the only-child or first-borns. all bad. in chinese, first-born males are emperors. me being the baby of the family, i'm the princess/empress. we usually clash since we both tend to get our way.
i'm the youngest and most of my boyfriends are the youngest in their families.
My sig/oth is the youngest, and I am the oldest. And I couldn't agree more with what you're saying about this dynamic. We work well together. I can be uptight and responsible and make sure the serious business is attended to. He brings me down and unwinds my stress, and teaches me how to let loose and enjoy life. I appreciate him very much.
My ex was an only child. That didn't work for me. Being brought up to look after my family/siblings and trying to make it work with someone whose world revolved around looking out for himself and ONLY his wants/needs?? Nope. No thanks. No offense to any only children out there... i'm sure he was a special case of selfishness :)
I usually only date many-year older men than me exactly for that reason to find someone a little more responsible and a little more grounded than me. I travel too much and I'm very spontaneous. But looking back, I think it doesn't matter how much older they were. This birth order does play a big part on the man's maturity level whether they are 1 year older than me or 10 years older than me.
I believe in the whole birth order theory. However, I believe in expections as well. For me, I'm the oldest of 3 and yet I act like the youngest. I've also been told I act like I'm the youngest, especially when I'm with my younger brother and sister. So... if I apply this to myself, if I have the personality type of the youngest but I'm really the oldest, should I date someone who is a first born or a last?
yeah, i definitely think birth order affects relationships. i'm the oldest and most of my past relationships have been with youngest and only children.
I'm the middle of three girls and my last serious relationship was with a middle of three boys. I think middle children yeah can sometimes feel ignored, but then again I've gained a lot from it like..I'm good at making friends because I know how to inject myself into conversations more casually.
But my ex, idk. He was really self conscious (Maybe because he was a middle child?) and it caused him to be some what of a player, and to make stuff up to seem cooler. He was very tactful about everything thing though.
I can agree about middle siblings not being the best match for other middle siblings.
I think I match up best with guys with no siblings.
i've read about birth order before.. and i'm happy to report that i am a youngest born dating a first born. we've been together for about three years and it's still going great!! =)
All but one of my boyfriends have been last born, and I am a first born. It's worked best in my current relationship, and it's just like you said- I keep things grounded, and he shows me how to have fun. You'd think there'd be negative tension in these relationships but there isn't-- not for us. It works so naturally. We love it.
Well, I'm the youngest, but nope, I wouldn't know how this whole relationship thing works out. But my mother is the youngest girl in her family, she's the 9th child out of 10, and my father is the oldest in his family. I just don't see how the whole thing works out though cause it doesn't seem like my father is more patient and my mother is more reckless. Actually, it seems neutral. But I don't know. Anyways, knowing myself, being the youngest doesn't lessen my responsibilities, in fact, my mother seems to be the hardest on me, that's if you ask me.
I always date guys that are the oldest sibling, even though I'm the oldest child myself. I can't deal with "youngest child syndrome."
You know, some of my best friends are youngest in birth order (while I am the oldest). That's a very interesting thought.
My ex was the youngest of two but there was a twelve year age difference so I don't know if that would have any impact. Also I'm the oldest of four total. My dad has a boy eight years younger than I and a little girl who is twelve years younger and my mom has a girl that is eight years younger. Its crazy, I fit the "oldest sibling" pretty much perfectly.
being the baby is definitely the best. it's always the best. but then again... i've only ever dated first-borns.
i've always been fascinated about birth orders and how it affects personality and relationships. I'm the middle child of 3 girls and birth order definitely affects our personalities.
But then you have the only child, who is a perfect mixture of all three. :D
That would be me! I'm responsible, but also enjoy taking risks at times and can easily feel ignored. WooHoo!
i think middle children shouldn't date only children because they tend to always want things their way when middle children often compromised a lot of their wants in the past. Unless the only child partner is extremely caring and considerate of the middle child partner's desires that they sometimes don't speak up about, the only child can be a little too overpowering in the relationship.
@beachblondie711 - I have the similar experience on dating the only child. It didn’t
work for me. He is nice, but he wants the world revolves around him (including
me). I also dated someone who is the oldest, and that relationship lasted for 3
years. So I think there is some truth to the birth and dating order.
funny my mom and I had this discussion... I'm the eldest and my past relationships have been with guys who are the oldest or are the only children. we would clash a lot and my mom says it's due to power struggle ... interesting. thanks for the article
wow. sounds like me and my bf.
he's youngest. i'm oldest.
@simplicityx29 -
that makes sense :D
i agree with your mom :)
i'm the oldest of 2 girls and my ex was the youngest and very much unresponsible. i got tired of having to tell him what to do/act . which is y hes my ex.