Wednesday, 25 June 2008

• How to Be a Good Wife

  By Mr. Macchiato

   
  There's a famous chapter on "How to Be a Good Wife" from a 1950s home economics textbook (Snopes says it may be real, but they're not sure).
  
  Here are a few of the more ridiculous excerpts about how to prepare for your husband coming home from work:
  

  1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
  2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
  3. Clear away the clutter: Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
     

  Ridiculous, right?
  
  But while I find the specifics of those tips preposterous, I think the general thought behind it is dead on: every now and then, make your S.O. your complete and total focus. 
  
  Here are some of the tips from "How to be a Good Wife" I try to hold myself to as a husband (I reversed the gender to make a point):
  

  • Some Don'ts: Don't greet her with problems or complaints...
  • Listen to her: You may have a dozen things to tell her, but the moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first.
  • Make the evening hers: Never complain if she does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand her world of strain and pressure, her need to be home and relax.
  • The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your wife can relax.
    

  If I could be blunt here... I think that modern egos are out of control.  A lot of people seem to have forgotten how to take the focus off of themselves, and put it on their partner.  Everyone is so me, me, me. 
  
  This is what drove me crazy about Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City.  She is like so many unhappy girls I know: completely and utterly focused on her own emotional needs.  Don't get me wrong: I know that women have traditionally been encouraged to put aside ALL of their needs in order to serve a man.  I'm not advocating that at all.  But I think a lot of people these days (both male and female) are so selfish.  Is it so terrible to try and make someone else happy?
  
  Actually reading this list has inspired me.  I am going to try and do better at even the first few things on the list:
  

  1. Have dinner ready: I don't cook, so on the way home I always try and pick something up for dinner for both of us on the way home.  But Mrs. Macchiato works from home, and I know that she often doesn't have time to pick up lunch - so sometimes she doesn't eat until dinner!  So I will try and prepare a lunch for her more often, and leave it as a surprise in the fridge.
  2. Prepare yourself: When Mrs. Macchiato gets home from running errands on the weekend, sometimes I haven't even showered yet.  I also don't shave my beard on weekends... because I don't like to.  I have to get better there.  No ribbon in my hair though... gotta draw the line somewhere.
     
  3. Clear away the clutter: I think dusting is a waste of time, and have never done it.  But if I "ran a dust cloth over the tables", I think Mrs. Macchiato would cry tears of joy.
     

  So actually, maybe this isn't a bad list of ways you can make your partner happier.
  
  Do I think that women (or men) should HAVE to do anything on this list?  Absolutely not.  But I am convinced that focusing on my wife's happiness is the surest path to finding my own.
  
  Sometimes I think that feminism has overshot the mark.  It's one thing to completely sublimate your needs for a man.  But it's another thing to keep your partner's needs in mind, and prioritize their happiness.
  
  Do you ever wonder if feminism has overshot the mark?  Do you think you will make a good wife (or husband)?
  

  • 8:55 PM
  • 14694 Views
  • 430 eProps
  • 228 Comments